Nightmares?

A quick post before bed.

Chloe has recently been waking in the night because of bad dreams. So far the dreams have been relatively tame; mostly to do with toys! At the church camp she had a dream that her Mike Wisowski (from the Monsters films) toy had 'blown up'. She even pointed to a jumper in the tent, believing it was her 'popped' toy! 

Then last night Chloe woke up sobbing saying that her new cars were lost. She kept looking around the room for them and crying and I had to get them out and show them to her before she believed me that they were safe.

I am a little concerned that Chloe is starting to have bad dreams. So far it has been quite funny because what has upset her is so trivial. But I am sure it is only a matter of time before her imagination becomes a more scary place. Because she spends so much time in an imaginary world, I wonder whether this will make her dreams worse?

Lord please protect my little girl as she sleeps and give her sweet dreams.

Church camp: community time and letting go

Here are some more reflections on our time away with our church at a Christian camp...

Community Time

This was my favourite aspect of the camp. I loved spending quality time with my church family. We had all our tents on the same site with a central marquee for sharing meals and congregating in during the day/evenings. It was great because there were always people about to chat to and the children all ran around together. Chloe made friends with one of the older boys who she probably wouldn't have played with at church but who she followed around constantly at the camp!

There was also the 5 aside football competition which we all went down to support. And the meetings in the evenings where the kids would join us for the worship and dance around together. Our church band was leading the worship for half of the meetings so it was great to support them as they played for over 3000 people!

A favourite time of day for me was the evenings. My friend had brought her baby monitor and our tent was right next to hers so we could go to the marquee and have some child-free socialising time knowing we would hear them if they needed us. We had fun drinking tea, eating cakes and playing poker! 

I would say camping together is such a good way of creating fellowship in a church. There was a real sense of 'togetherness' for everyone there and I think most people had an amazing time.

Letting Go

The difficult part for me is that camping with lots of other people means that you become very vulnerable in terms of them seeing every good and bad moment your family has. Tents are not soundproof so any angry or tearful word can be heard, every strop or early morning wake-up call. You also have to be much more flexible and relaxed about how you do things. Mealtimes were communal so we had to fit in with everyone else.

I am realising more and more how much of a perfectionist I can be and how much I like to control things. I am very driven by a schedule and like to do things my way. This doesn't make camping easy. I found it difficult to 'let go' and allow other people to watch my children (what if they misbehave? What if people think I'm not doing my job? What if the baby cries and they don't know what to do?). 

I feel this is a common theme in my blogs but it's something I know God is working on in me. It's the need to just love my children and allow them to be themselves without managing every little thing they do. Does anyone else struggle with this balance? I think I often fall into the trap of believing that good parenting is to produce well-behaved children, rather than to produce children who know they are loved and accepted just as they are. I think I'm slowly getting there. Camping was a good lesson in letting go!

A spacious place

We have just got back from the Christian camp we've been at for 5 days. I feel so blessed and challenged in many ways by our time away. There is lots I want to say and I am far too tired to write it all this evening so I will try and get it all down another time. For now I have a couple of verses to share, which have particularly spoken to me over the weekend.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Psalm 73:25-26

Life can be really tiring. Being a mum of two young children leaves my flesh tired and also my heart. I feel like I spend so much energy and effort on them that here is nothing left for spending time with God, or the people God wants me to serve. 

But God is the strength I need! He is all that matters and is in all the things I do all day. 'He is my portion forever'; that truth will never change.

He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:19

One of the speakers over the weekend talked about how good teaching gives you a feeling of 'more space', like you can breathe more easily and feel released. He said this is because 'the truth will set you free' (John 8:32). 

I have recently been feeling quite 'closed in'. You know, where you have a lot on your mind and it feels like there is too much to deal with? Life has felt very claustrophobic and my thinking has been centred on my problems and our family, rather than on God and his plans.

But I have really related to the verse above. That God's truth needs to break in and bring freedom. He has victory over my life and that means setting me free from worry and fear and exhaustion. He has brought me into a 'broad place' where I can run and be myself and be free. 

Thank you Jesus for the freedom that only you can bring. Thank you for a great time away.

Off camping!

We are going camping tomorrow as part of a big church camp with over 3000 people. I'm really excited because lots of our friends are going and we will all be camping together. We are doing communal cooking to make it a little easier, in a big marquee with lots of chairs and tables. We have also bought a big, new tent and this'll be our first time using it. Eek it's exciting!

So I have been packing all day and running around buying things. I have also had to get everything ready for Chloe's birthday which happens to be on the Saturday whilst we're away. I'm looking forward to celebrating with everyone; although it  has meant I've had to make a lot of cakes! This is the first year she's been really excited about her birthday. She found the pile of presents I had wrapped and ran over to me and said 'thank you mummy!' I can't wait to watch her unwrap them all.

The other reason I'm really excited is for the time we'll get to spend worshipping God and listening to him. I am still feeling a little anxious about going back to work and I need some fresh encouragement from God. We are also currently making some big decisions about our future and this'll be a really good time for receiving guidance and clarity. Praying for lots of wisdom!

Let's hope the good weather! I am a little nervous about camping with two small children. But it's going to be such an adventure too. See you on the other side!

Cornish Holiday

We had a lovely, lovely holiday! Is it bad to admit it was so much more fun than I was expecting?! I think I have an image of British holidays as being very wet and being stuck with not much to do most of the time. Or braving the elements and sitting on cold beaches wrapped in towels. Thankfully the weather was fab; not the 30 degree temperatures we have had but a very respectable low 20's and sun most of the time.

I don't want to bore you with a lengthy account of everything we did. So here are some highlights, with the best things we found for children for people who may be taking youngsters to Cornwall.

- Hiring a holiday cottage. Ok so this might not be possible for everyone but staying in a cottage rather than camping was lovely for an English holiday. I love camping, as I have said previously, but with unpredictable weather it was great to have a house which was fully kitted out. This was also really helpful with Livia's weaning, as I am still expressing and needing to make up feeds etc. I have good memories of the evenings when the children were asleep; we watched a lot of films together! We also had no signal and no Wifi so absolutely no way of getting the Internet! I'm sure this led to a lot more conversation and interaction!

- Mawgan Porth Beach. When you talk to anyone about Cornwall, everyone seems to have their favourite beach. Ours was definitely Mawgan Porth, which we visited twice. It wasn't too busy, had a lovely river leading to the sea which Chloe could paddle in, lots of rock pools with fish to catch and amazing wave which J and I enjoyed being knocked over by! It also had coffee, pasty and toilet facilities very close and a reasonable car park. Everything you could want from a beach!

- Cycling the Camel Trail. This is a cycle route which runs from Padstow to Wadebridge and beyond (we didn't go much further). We put Livia in her car seat in a trailer and J puller her on his bike. Then my Dad had Chloe in a child seat on the back of his. The trailer was also useful for all our bags. We stopped to get pasties in Wadebridge for lunch and then cycled back to Padstow. There are some gorgeous views on the way. 

- Healy's Cider Farm. A friend of mine recommended this. It's a small farm which is free to visit. They have a couple of horses, pigs, goats and small animals for the children to see and pet. Then they have samples of jam and cider to taste, as well as ice creams and cream teas to buy. For a free trip, it was worth going to!

- Family time. It was so lovely to have time with J and the girls away from the responsibilities at home. The girls are becoming little daddy's girls (C - 'daddy can you sit next to me?'). It's so nice to see! It was also great to have time with my parents and to have some help with looking after the children. I feel very spoilt!

I'll leave you with some photos:

Long car journeys

This morning we are driving to Cornwall on holiday. That's roughly 4 hours in the car with two young children. Sigh. I love my girls so much but being stuck in a car for that long brings out the worst in everyone! Unfortunately Livia is slightly past the sleeping-whenever-in-the-car phase. Chloe is usually very good in the car but hasn't done a journey as long as this in a long time. She also

went down with a fever on Saturday and an emergency trip to the dr's diagnosed her with mild tonsillitis which has, understandably left her rather irritable. Fun fun.

We are currently 3 hours in and Chloe has been transferred to my parents car (so grateful they brought the spare car seat along with them!). We just had the drama of her telling them that she 'need the toilet!!'. We hastily pulled over and tried to get her to go at the side of the road before she admitted she didn't really need it. Ha!

Livia has been crying on and off in between sleeps. I feel sorry for her just gazing at the back seat but it's very hard to entertain a baby in the car! We had a stop at a lovely tea shop in Honiton so I could feed her and Chloe could stretch her legs. It was definitely good to have a break from the car.

I'm so excited about our holiday. I love that we are staying in a cottage. We usually camp, which I do enjoy, but it will be nice to have some home comforts. It will also be good to have some time with my parents; not to mention the help with the children! I am hopeful that we will have nice weather (pleeease). It's currently tipping it down but the forecast is sunny/cloudy for the rest of the week. 

Hooray for holidays, boo to long car journeys. Less than hour until we're there!

Weaning/Allergy diaries

As you probably know from previous posts, weaning Livia and getting her to a stage where she can be left when I return to work is a major part of my life at the moment. Add to this her dairy allergy and having to start her on 'hydrolysed' formula (which smells/tastes rather weird) and it feels like a mammoth task. But we are starting to get there and I wanted to update you in case there is anyone who is going through/will go through the same. I'm going to include a lot of detail for this reason!

In the last week Livia had a dietician appointment and paediatrician appointment. The best thing my health visitor did for us in this situation was to get the dietician appointment as a matter of urgency. I have realised since that if we'd waited until after the paediatrician appointment, we would have joined a long waiting list and it would have probably been too late. So getting a dietician appointment as soon as possible would be my big tip for anyone who suspects allergies with their baby!

Both appointments confirmed the dairy allergy, through looking at photos and listening to a description (another tip would be to take photos of reactions). Livia then had a blood test which we haven't had the results for yet. This will look at how allergic she is to dairy. I'm really interested to know the results; it's hard to know how allergic she is as me eating dairy and transferring it to her via breast milk  has never been a problem. However if Chloe kisses her after having cow's milk, she instantly comes up in a rash around her mouth.

We have been prescribed Aptamil Pepti which is a hydrolysed formula made with cow's milk but the protein has been broken down so it is less likely to cause an allergic reaction. Livia has taken to it well, despite the fact that it smells horrible and I have heard stories of mums having to mix it with Nesquik or maple syrup to get their babies to drink it! At the moment we are mixing it with breast milk or using it in her cereal to gradually introduce it.

So am I any closer to being able to leave Livia for the day? We have managed to get her to drop her 4pm breast feed by replacing it with a cup of formula and breast milk (50:50 ratio at the moment). I don't express at this time so effectively I have dropped this feed and won't need to pump at work. The breast milk I use in this feed is from expressing just before I go to bed (as Livia sleeps 7-7 this is a good time to pump).

Livia is also making slow and steady process with solid food too. She hasn't taken as easily to weaning as I hoped; it takes a lot of persuasion to get her to try anything! But she will get the idea after a while, although she prefers sucking or licking from the spoon instead of opening her mouth. I can see her really enjoying finger food and I'm looking forward to trying this a bit more with her now she is almost 6 months.

So that's where we're at for now. Hopefully I can get her to replace her 10am feed next and then it will just be the lunch feed to go. I'm hoping by the time I go to work she will be able to have mainly formula, as I reeeeeally don't want to pump at school. We'll see how it goes.

I'm including a photo below of the reaction Livia had to formula which first alerted us to her allergy. It came up within 5 mins of having the milk but only lasted about half an hour with no other symptoms.

Dreams for my family

Here are some dreams I have for my family. Perhaps they are not realistic or are a little but mushy! But I love to dream big things :)

- Sitting outside on warm summer evenings playing board games.

- Fun, lively meals where we all share stories from our days.

- Meaningful quiet times before bed where we discuss problems and pray together.

- Catching the girls sharing an intimate moment, sharing secrets and giggling.

- Talking with my grown-up girls who have come round for a cuppa.

A very English summery day

Today was a lovely day because it's the first day of two weeks which J has off work. I love it when our family is all together. On a selfish note, I have lots of help from J and some adult company. It's also really nice to see his relationship with the girls deepen. We have both noticed that if he has a busy week where he misses a few bedtimes, is working pretty hard and away from us at weekends, it has a noticeable effect on how Chloe acts around him. When J has good quality time with her, she will choose to play with him and not kick up a fuss if it's daddy doing things not mummy.

Today we chose to go to a small village in the Surrey Hills which has a river running through it which is shallow enough to paddle in. My mum used to take us when we were little and I have really fond memories of catching fish and swinging on a tyre swing into the water. 

The swing has now gone and the village council has put up a sign with a lot of rules about using the river. Part of it has been cordoned off as a preservation area which means the section that can be used is quite busy. But it is still a gorgeous spot with beautiful clear water, a pretty bridge and lots of shade to sit under.

Chloe had a lovely time in the water but also found some other older children who were happy to humour her in their games. She is so sociable that she just wandered up to them and asked if 'she could play too'. It really warms my heart to see her playing and giggling with other children. Another step towards becoming independent!

A wonderful day out.