Hospital part 2

Being in hospital for a long period of time is such a strange thing. I have talked about this before in a post about when Livia was born and we were in for 6 days. You definitely don't want to be in hospital, and yet it becomes quite a comforting place. It's when I'm not here that I get the most worried and upset about Chloe.

There are really rubbish bits, like all the tests and unpleasant things Chloe is having to go through (catheters, cannulas, CT scans, X-rays, tubes up her nose etc). The nurses' rounds in the night, especially when you get someone who doesn't try to be quiet, mean lots of broken sleep. But generally I associate hospitals with lots of people working to get my little girl better. You get into a routine - doctors' round in the morning, tests around lunchtime, the mealtimes, J or I nipping to the shops to buy food for us (you can't heat food up that isn't from a shop, boo) and then settling in for the night once Chloe is sleeping. It's not home and we're not together but it's not all terrible. 

What I found the worst stage of this whole saga was when Chloe was poorly at home. We had been to A&E and had been told it was a virus and to go to the GP if the temperature continued after 48 hours. I then had a horrible two days of doubt; I was sure there was something more wrong with her because she did not want to watch tv or talk to me or even get out of bed. But I also didn't want to be 'that parent' who always rushes to A&E! The worry of whether I was doing the right thing has now gone and I can put the decision-making in the hands of the doctors. It's such a relief.

There's not much progress to report, other than the drain has now been removed. The infection in the lung still seems bad but we're having another X-ray this afternoon which will tell us more. I will keep you updated.

Christmas in hospital

We have spent nearly a full week now in hospital with Chloe, who has pneumonia in one of her lungs. It has progressed from half a lung, to a whole lung and now she also has a significant infection in the pleural fluid which surround the lung. I'm writing this from the hospital canteen as we wait for her to come out of surgery to have this fluid drained (and a drain will be left in over the next couple of days). All of this has happened over Christmas and sadly both sides of our families have had quite subdued celebrations.

We have had a few good moments, like bringing Livia to the hospital on Christmas morning to open stockings. It was so lovely to see how happy both girls were to see each other. Chloe has had better moments too, when she has visited the play room and made various things. We managed to have a few hours day release on Christmas Eve to visit my in-laws.

Unfortunately Chloe has gone downhill since then and we have moved to a specialist hospital in London. It is scary to see the child you know disappear from view for a while, especially when she has a fever. Chloe seems to cope by becoming very withdrawn; not talking or smiling. It's been hard work trying to be encouraging and happy around her when both J and I are feeling worried or stressed.

We have had a great deal of support from friends and family which has been great. I've really welcomed people sending me verses or words they've had for us, because I'm finding it difficult to focus on praying or hearing from God. I'm thankful that God understands this and is speaking to others for me. One picture that I keep having, is of angels guarding Chloe's bedside. When I'm feeling helpless, it's comforting to know that God is a very present help in the darkness. This verse has spoken to me in particular:

"See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven."

 Matthew 18:10

I know that God loves my little Chloe and I can trust him.

Hope

Hiya. I'm sorry for being a bit quiet recently. We've had a difficult couple of days in several ways. I haven't had time to post anything meaningful or interesting. So this evening I'm just going to share a verse I have been finding helpful through struggles.

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.  Psalms 43:5

Difficult times are a fact of life and I know it won't be long before it's plain sailing again. Until then, I will tell myself that it's no use being 'in turmoil' because I shall again see God's goodness very soon. 

Thank you Jesus for being the hope of the world; my hope. I will trust in you.

A fun week!

This week has been super busy. We have had something exciting and Christmassy on everyday! Here's what's been happening:

Monday - travelling back from the wedding in Sheffield and visiting my grandparents (always lovely).

Tuesday - I went into school on my day off for the Christmas dinner and disco.

Wednesday - The last day of term at my school and a big carol service.

Thursday - we went to the pantomime with Chloe and her school. Highlights were: Chloe ditching us to dance with her friends (so nice to see her giggling and chatting away) and Chloe turning to me during the performance and saying, 'I wish Livia was here.' Made me melt!

Friday - Chloe's nativity at school. It was a really lovely play with a strong focus on Jesus and fun for the children. Chloe took her singing very seriously but spent most of the performance looking around at everyone else!

Saturday - We took the girls to a Santa's Grotto at a wine estate. It was great, with a train ride up into the vineyards and a visit to the grotto where they got some fab gifts. I know some Christian parents aren't that keen on visiting Santa but I feel we are balancing it out well with the true meaning of Christmas. Chloe's been making up her own songs about Mary and Jospeh so I feel it must be going in!

Sunday - Today Chloe was in another 'play' (well, more of a reading) at church. She was an angel and insisted on wearing her halo even though no one else was dressing up! It's a shame she missed her line, as she'd learnt it so well!

Something else I wanted to quickly mention was that this afternoon I went horse-riding for the first time in about 10 years. It used to be something I was really passionate about (and got quite good at!) and I have always felt sad that I gave up. I wondered about trying it again but it always felt a little frivolous to do something which is quite expensive for myself (especially as Chloe would love to learn). But J encouraged me to book a lesson for my birthday and I LOVED it. I think perhaps it's good to do something for yourself as a mum and a hobby is definitely not a bad thing.

I hope you are all having a lovely run-up to Christmas. 

Hotel stay arrgghh!

*** I've only just realised this didn't upload on Sunday, grrrr. Uploading it now but it was written at the weekend.***

This weekend we are up in Sheffield for a family wedding. There is no way we could have done it in a day and we want to be able to stay for the evening party, so it means an overnight stay in a Premier Inn. Thankfully these hotels are very family friendly and the family rooms are more than big enough for our little family. Unfortunately it means all of us in one room and, no matter how much space that gives us, it means two over-excited, noisy children who don't want to sleep!

Last night Chloe stayed awake until around 10 and Livia was almost as bad, not sleeping until gone 9. It also means that J and I are stuck reading in half-light and in silence - fun!! 

It is nice to go away as a family however and we have had some lovely moments, like all watching Strictly Come Dancing together on our bed. Oh and the all you can eat breakfast this morning was enjoyed by all! I'm hoping for a better night's sleep after the wedding tonight. I'm sure the fun of dancing and seeing everyone will wear us all out.

(PS - in case anyone is curious, Chloe has permission to miss school on Monday because of the wedding. We aren't being rebels!)

Thankfulness

I have mentioned the devotional I have been using this year several times recently... and here I go again! A theme which I have noticed is repeated over and over in my readings is cultivating an attitude of constant thankfulness. The readings make the point that thankfulness, even sometimes when it's really difficult to feel thankful, helps to keep everything in perspective. At the moment I'm finding that so helpful.

I have found recently that discontent can very easily sneak into my head. It will either be discontent over my friendships, which makes me feel insecure or resentful. Or discontent over our financial or material situation; eg - how have they been able to avoid such a big house in Surrey! Or discontent over family issues; eg - why are my parents far away?/why is my child struggling with school?

It is so easy to get stuck in a negative rut, where discontent poisons all the blessings in your life. Therefore, everyday I am trying to be constantly thankful throughout the day. So I thank God today for a nice chat with mums at the school gates and then for being able to see church mums at toddler group. I also thank God for precious time with Livia and a sit down whilst she naps. I am thankful that our house is looking so cosy and twinkly with our Christmas decorations up. And I am thankful that J has a day off tomorrow for my birthday.

I am SO blessed and I will not give in to the lies that I have anything to feel discontented about. I will fight back with truth.

'but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. ' Psalms 34:10