Limitations

I've been thinking recently about my limitations - could be a really negative post but im actually finding it really freeing! I'm especially feeling the pressure at work at the moment. Our GCSE course is not proving very popular for next year which has been quite disappointing. So I have been pouring my efforts into making the year 9 course more interesting to try and change the pupils' minds! But it's a lot of work without any guaranteed result at the end. I'm having to realise that I can't be the 'perfect' teacher and my lessons aren't always going to be super exciting. I'm also having to admit that it's quite likely I won't be able to convince anymore pupils to sign up to the GCSE. It's a hard one to accept.

I think this can also be a lesson that needs to be applied to parenting. Some days we have to settle for the microwave meal, to cancelling a play date or missing one evening of reading homework. There's no such thing as a 'model parent'. I had this brought home to me when Chloe was in hospital over Christmas. I wanted to do all the stays overnight and not really leave the hospital. But after 4 nights of interrupted sleep and being on edge a lot of the time, I had a reminder of my limitations when I was woken at 6am by Chloe having her intravenous antibiotics. I hopped out of bed and was standing next to her but the nurses were having trouble flushing the cannula. Chloe started sobbing because it was hurting her; the nurses reassured her but carried on. The emotion of Chloe being in pain and watching the needle in her arm being moved about meant that suddenly I felt very strange and the next moment I fainted, cracking my chin on the side of Chloe's bed! J insisted after this that I go home that evening and he would take over. Point taken!

If you are struggling in an area, realise your limitations. Ask someone for help or take steps to make life easier. It's not failure but realising that you are only human. More importantly I know that I need to remind myself often that this parenting malarkey only works with God's help. Thank goodness it isn't down to us!

The long view

One of the benefits of parenting a second child is that you have a much better understanding of the long view. You know that children go through stages, that they aren't a 'finished product' and if you don't feel like you're doing very well in one area, there is plenty of time to work on things. You can take a long term view of the situation and not panic about the present. If I could go back in time and talk to myself as a first-time mum, this is definitely a message I would want to share!

One aspect of parenting where I'm trying to remember the long view at the moment is when Livia is fussy at mealtimes. She has suddenly hit the stage where she has an opinion about what she's eating and she wants to push at our boundaries. Breakfast and lunch are generally ok because they're very similar every day. But dinner times are becoming tricky. She is fine with meat and two veg (although if she can help it, she won't eat the veg!) and any type of tomatoey pasta. There are a few other meals she'll eat well but anything which we don't have so regularly, she will turn her nose up at.

We've had all sorts of protests at the table: spitting food out, throwing it on the floor, banging it with her spoon, tipping it on the table, pouring her drink in it. If Livia can get attention by misbehaving with a meal she doesn't like then she will try anything! It's hard work and also dispiriting when you've put a lot of work into a meal.

I remember this stage with Chloe and having major panics about how she was becoming 'a fussy eater' (such an unhelpful label). I projected her current behaviour into her future and had visions of her becoming one of these children who will only eat fish fingers! Now, I know that these stages pass. And they will arrive again! Chloe still goes through times of being more fussy. She isn't perfect at trying new foods but has a wider repertoire of foods she will eat. I don't feel we did anything revolutionary to move through fussiness; just kept offering a variety of foods and not giving an alternative if a meal was rejected. 

When I feel frustrated at Livia, I will remind myself again (and again), that she is 2 and still learning lots. In the long view I am confident that she will eat a whole variety of foods and be excited about new things. And I know that God will keep teaching me about parenting and give me greater wisdom in dealing with difficult situations. 

Giggles!

Whoops! We just totally failed to discipline Livia for drawing on the bedroom wall. We went up to check on the girls, as they were making a bit of noise. Livia was standing at the stair gate with some pencils in her hand. I immediately thought, uh-oh. Chloe helpfully piped up, 'She's been drawing on the wall'. Why didn't you tell us?? (I should point out at this point that we haven't managed to decorate their room yet - phew).

We took the pencils off Livia and sternly said, 'That's naughty. We don't draw on the wall.' Livia immediately did her usual stare at the ground with her lip out, which comes out when she's being told off. We then told her to say sorry but I was already hiding my face because her expression was too darn funny! Then J's voice started to crack when she refused to reply and stayed with eyes down on the blanket. Finally, Chloe burst into laughter and that set us all off! She then summed it up: 'She's just too cute. I can't deal with it!'

Haha!

Nothing is safe!

Livia seems to have a talent for breaking things. I'm putting it down to an inquisitive mind! I think we're going to have to work on respecting our possessions. 

Here is a current list of objects that have become her victims:

- Books

- Pens

- Make-up

- a karaoke machine ( 😞 )

- a money box

- (to some extent) our DVD player

- a letter holder 

- balloons

- lasagne dishes x3

- the in-laws' laptop (!!!)

I'm sure I've missed some. To Livia's credit she does always act surprised ('uh oh! Broken!'). 

Happy for you

Ive been thinking recently about how it can be so hard for us to be happy for other people. Why is it that when we hear someone been given something or achieved something or just been blessed out of the blue, part of us can be thinking, what about me? I'm finding this happening to me at work. Some of my colleagues who are at a similar position to me, are starting to gain promotions and be given roles like Head of Year or Head of Department. They don't have the family commitments I have and mainly work full time, but I still feel a pang of jealousy when I should be feeling pleased for them.

There is so much 'me, me, me' in our culture. Parents want the best for their child. Children are taught how special they are (good, obviously) but maybe we're neglecting to tell them how special the person next to them is. I like a post I read on another blog about a family that 'doesn't do fair', instead they are happy for the blessings their siblings receive. 

We have been working on this idea this week, as it's been Livia's birthday. We have been very unapologetic that this is a day to make Livia feel special. And thankfully Chloe has been really on board. We had a few issues with wanting the first go with new toys, but generally Chloe was very excited to celebrate her little sister. 

I am sure this will be an ongoing challenge but I am hoping we can use this to teach our children about Jesus' grace in the future.