Raising girls

I'm feeling quite stirred today about the task God has given me raising girls. Not that it is a more difficult/noble/important task than raising boys. But at this moment in time I have been given two little girls to look after and bring safely to womanhood. I have also got a job working in an all-girls school so I am ultra aware of the pressures and issues that young ladies are facing.

I love these precious little creatures who can be so fragile and so feisty all at once, with emotions bubbling near the surface at all times. My girls are kind and care about others but are also easily hurt or offended too. They are performers and are creative. They like dresses and plaits. They like climbing trees and playing with creepy crawlies. 

Through teaching I'm aware of girls with anxiety, panic attacks, eating disorders, chronic fatigue and depression. Girls who are bullied via social media and approached by boys for sexual images. There's so much I want to protect my daughters from. Raising them to have good self-esteem, to be confident and deal with difficult situations and temptations is something I feel challenged to start praying for now and regularly. 

Happy times

Does anyone else find happy times really bitter-sweet? Sometimes when things feel so perfect I sit there and can't help but feel a tinge of sadness that the moment won't last. I wish that time would pause for a while and things just stay put. I'm feeling very content and full, enjoying lots of family time and making special memories with my girls. 

Finding God in the sick-bed moments

I was really looking forward to church this morning. I've been feeling a bit spiritually dry, with being away last week and not finding enough time to spend with God. I haven't seen many church people for a while and needed that fellowship and time of worshipping together. In preparation last night I had a longer quiet time to try and prepare my heart for the service (does anyone else find they have to do this? I sometimes find it difficult to quieten my mind when I go straight into church). 

But it wasn't to be. Chloe has gone down with a fever and sore throat over night and J was helping to lead the service so I am on sick-bed duties. It's hard not to feel disappointed with the way the day has turned out. However I completely believe that I am just as capable of being blessed and meeting with God at home as I am at church. I'm hoping that Chloe will be happy for me to leave her side soon so I can do some chores and maybe listen to a sermon at the same time. But if not I know he is watching over us as we curl up on the sofa together.

Week away

Last week I was on a trip with my school to Italy, visiting Rome and Sorrento. It was a real privilege getting to visit some lovely place and not having to pay for it. The girls we took all behaved very well and the trip mostly went smoothly (except for a few minor things, like a girl not wanting to get on the plane, missing Capri because a girl was poorly and a coach breaking down!). The weather was scorching; arguably too hot for walking around Roman sites all day. There were a few afternoons on the beach in Sorrento but most of the time we were up and about morning, afternoon and evening. It was exhausting too and that sense of I'm responsible for 17 children whose parents aren't here eeek! never really went away.

Before I left I felt very wobbly about leaving the girls for so long. J was off most of the week so I knew they'd be absolutely fine. But I think I often need them as much as they need me. My home and routine with them and my husband is my little safety net and being in a different country with people who aren't close friends or family was quite daunting. I was more at risk of homesickness than the teenage girls!

I am really glad I went. There were a few tearful moments in my hotel room watching watsapp videos from the girls, but mostly I was ok! It is comforting to know that the world doesn't fall apart when I'm not there and the girls are confident enough to have some time apart. And it is even nicer to have the reunion at the end with the increased sense of 'my family means the world to me'! Sometimes this can be lost a little in the sameness of everyday life. I'm very happy to have the whole of the rest of the summer all together.

Understanding

I wonder whether other parents have moments like I do, when I suddenly understand my children more than ever before; like I'm getting a glimpse inside their head. Today I had that sort of experience watching Chloe in her ballet lesson. Usually parents do not stay in for the lesson but the last lesson of the year is an opportunity for the children to show off to their mums and dads.

I was very proud watching my beautiful, little girl twirl around with pointy toes and curved arms. It was especially important for me to see how much confidence she now had, as we had so many issues with ballet at the beginning of the year (I'm sure I blogged about it). But more interesting than that was seeing how Chloe behaved in a situation where she was being coached by someone else and seeing how all the different girls reacted in that group situation.

I'm learning more and more that Chloe is very eager to please. She focused really hard on everything the teacher said. So when they were told 'no crinkly tummies, sit up straight!', Chloe kept trying to look down to check her tummy (which defeated the object a little!). She also concentrated very hard on counting in some of the dances and sometimes forgot herself and said the numbers out loud! It really touched my heart to see her trying so hard to please her teachers:

It has also given me an insight into her anxiety about new things. If Chloe is trying so hard to please and accomplish a task perfectly then she is going to struggle at new skills. I think this is where creating an environment at home where it is ok to 'fail' is so important. This is definitely a new goal I am setting myself. Whilst it's not wrong for Chloe to try her best, I never want her to feel stressed about being 'perfect' at something. I need her to know I will always be proud of her, no matter what.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9