Wobbles

A funny thing happened yesterday. I was scrolling through Facebook and one of my friends had 'liked' a poem about starting school. It was one of those very soppy, emotional poems that seem to be so popular on Facebook (not normally something I would bother with!). But because it was to do with school, I thought I'd have a read. Halfway through and I had tears streaming down my face! J was completely bemused (and found it a little funny!) when I had to have a cuddle at the end, full on crying at this point!

I have been fairly laid back about Chloe starting school. I'm sure that's probably come across in the blog. I'm not naturally a 'clingy' mum. I'm quite happy to put my trust in others to look after my girls and believe it's good to have time apart sometimes. I also love education and can't wait to see how Chloe explores her potential and grows through school. However this poem made me think about things which I hadn't dwelt on before. It was written addressed to the teacher and asked questions like: who will cuddle her when she's sad? Who will help her when she can't cut up her food? Who will patiently explain when she doesn't understand? Who will listen to her when someone has been mean? (As a side note, this really challenged me as a teacher too. Especially as we have so many boarders who have no parents around).

It really struck me that Chloe is going to have to be a lot more independent. She won't have me there to keep her company and watch out for her all day. There are going to be another 29 children all in the same position as her and it will be impossible for her teacher/teaching assistants to give her the same attention I have been able to give her. The thought of her feeling upset or confused and not being there to help is a really sad one!

Anyway, that was last night. Since then we've had our home visit with her teacher and a teaching assistant. I did mention a few of these worries and her teacher was so reassuring. They were both lovely and I fully trust them to care for Chloe. Although it's hard to let go a little sometimes, I know that Chloe will learn good lessons through sorting out her own problems sometimes or needing to wait for help. I cannot and should not protect her from these things forever.

Most importantly I know that God is going with her into school. I'm going to make sure we pray together before her first session tomorrow. I feel reassured that Chloe has a strong belief in God protecting her.

Looking forward to tomorrow, eek!

(Photo shows the cakes Chloe made for her teachers for the home visit!)

School!

Ok so we have definitely been feeling that 'back to school' time of year in our house. I started back teaching this week and Chloe begins her first year in reception next week (ohmygoodness). We've been rushing round buying everything she'll need and organising the last minute practicalities of her being in part time to start.

My return to work this week has been quite exhausting and a little stressful. I had to go in for an extra day for inset, so that now takes me to four days. It has felt like a lot of time away from my babies and I'm not keen to do it too often! The good points have been lovely classes and nice catching up with friends. But generally I'm not keen on the start of the year. I much prefer work when I'm settled and know what I'm doing. For example a large part of one of my classes today was a video and questions relating to it. But could I work the sound in a new classroom?? No. Thankfully the girls I teach are much better at technology than me and got it going eventually. Phew.

I'm very excited to report back to you after Chloe's first days at school. She is really looking forward to it and so I just want it to hurry up now! I love seeing her embarking on new adventures.

We're in!

****I thought I had published this post a few weeks ago when we first got into the new house but I've just discovered it failed to work. Sorry if you thought I'd gone quiet!***

Another one of those quick posts where I don't really have time to write much but want to let you know the news :) We're in the new house and things are slowly taking shape. The move itself went quite smoothly - the new house was not cleaned which was a bit upsetting but generally in an ok condition. The main thing which bothered me is that it smelt of cigarette smoke which was not very noticeable when we viewed it. But with lots of scrubbing the walls with water and vinegar and keeping the windows open, I think it's starting to go. There are also other annoying little things that need fixing/cleaning/replacing but we always knew this would be sort of a project. I am still very thankful for this move.

Things I'm enjoying: a lovely, big, enclosed garden, a bigger room for the girls and making the house homely. I do still feel a bit wobbly when I think about never going back to the old house and im not sure this feels like 'home' yet. But I hope we'll get there soon.

Thinking and praying for my friends who have difficult house situations and who would love to own their home. God is such an amazing provider. 

A choice

Today it was that time again to say goodbye to my parents, as they fly back to India. I don't think it gets easier. I still wish they were here all of the time (whilst being very proud of what they're doing out there too). It's been such a special summer with them too! So I've been thinking about today with a heavy heart.

We met my grandparents at a restaurant between our two towns, about an hour away, with both my brothers for a meal. It was a lovely way to get everyone together before saying goodbye.

Despite feeling really nervous in the car before the moment of 'goodbye', I'm ok. It still hurts but I was sort of on the edge of getting upset and decided to choose not to give in. I could be miserable the rest of the evening and take it out on J and the girls. But that's not fair and it doesn't help anyone. Instead I've prayed, listened to some worship songs and put it back into perspective. As God gives me peace, He's reminded me that mum and dad have gone out so that more people can experience that relationship with God. It helps a lot.

I have so many wonderful memories from their visit and Christmas is not far away!

'One thing God has spoken...'

Psalm 62:11-12

One thing God has spoken,
    two things I have heard:
“Power belongs to you, God,
12     and with you, Lord, is unfailing love."

Our life has continued it's crazy busy-ness of the summer with a church camp down in Devon. I blogged about it last year (sorry I'm too lazy to add in links) and I would say this year was even better. I think last year I was still a little shaky after the PND and found it difficult to be around people all the time. But this year I really enjoyed being a community with my church and felt I had enough 'head space' for letting God speak to me.

I felt challenged by lots of things but the talk which most struck me was by a guy called Phil Moore on praying through the Psalms. I have been having a quiet time (almost) every day but, to be honest, I've not been making much time for God and just reading a few verses of the Bible and then rattling off a list of things I'd like God to help me with. Not a great relationship really. 

I feel very inspired by Phil's advice to start with the Bible (especially Psalms) and read until you feel inspired to pray. You'll then pray about God and pray His way, instead of shopping list prayers. I am going to make a conscious effort to put this into practice. I also think I'll have to do this without J in the room because I concentrate so much better by myself and praying out loud, with no-one there to hear. I'm still working out the practicalities of when I'll manage this! It can be difficult to find a good time with little ones, whose wake-up times vary so much. But I'm determined not to make it an excuse.

The verse at the start of this post was one which Phil picked up on. He said that the Psalms can teach you how to pray even in difficult circumstances. The Psalmist often pours out his anger and confusion to God over troubles he is facing. But he still gives glory to God. In Psalm 62:11-12, he says that God is both strong and loving. In tragedy and hardships we can doubt whether God can intercede for us or whether He cares enough. These verses say that God is both strong and loving and these two truths are really one. I love this, and will definitely hold onto it when things get tough. I hope you'll find it helpful too.

Dust!

We had such a lovely time away in Cornwall. I can't believe that it is well over a week since I wrote saying we were on our way there. Although it was a bit mad going away just before moving house, it was nice to be forced to take a break from planning the move and packing. All we did was play on the beach, explore caves/rock pools, look around cute, Cornish towns, have meals together, watch films and read books. I also had quite a bit of head space to work in my novel. Lovely.

Now I've returned to a whirlwind of boxes, clutter, sorting things for the charity shop/tip and two little ones trying to undo all my good work! Oh, and dust! How does so much of it accumulate in a reasonably well-cleaned house? I feel covered at all times and because it's been disturbed, it resettle on all the formerly clean surfaces in the house. Sigh.

It's actually quite a relief to be at the stage of packing where you know you are leaving in a few days, so you can start to pack away essentials. I'm sure I'll regret some of these decisions when one of the children in sick and needs a completely clean set of sheets but everything will need packing at some point! I'm past the stage of caring too much.

My parents are helping us out with looking after the girls for some of the week and J's mum will have them the night/day of the move so I think we will be ready. I reckon this will be my last post in this house so... see you on the other side! 

Here are some photos from our holiday :)

And the packing (sob!).

Off on hols

Hello! This is a quick post to say that we are currently in the car making the 4 hour journey to Cornwall for a holiday with my family (parents, one brother and grandparents, phew!). I'm really looking forward to escaping the bombsite that is our half-packed house. I remember writing a very similar post last year when we were travelling down for the same holiday, so I'm not going to go on in case I repeat myself. The holiday house has no internet or 3G, therefore I won't be posting for a week. Hope you're all having lovely summers x