HIS sacrifice

This will be a super quick post because we are currently rushing to get ready for church. But it's so important - needed to write it down to remember later!

God has been gently reminding me this morning of HIS great sacrifice that he made for me. However tough I feel I have it (and I really don't have it tough at all!), Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for me on the cross. My saviour died to give me life 'and life to the full'. Hallelujah!

I've been listening to this song by Jesus Culture. Here's a few lines:

This is Jesus in his glory
King of Heaven dying for me
It is finished, he has done it
Death is beaten, heaven beckons me.

It's all for you Jesus, not about me. Please help me remember that today.

Not just coffee and finger-painting.

Recently I've been realising what a sacrifice motherhood is. In case you were under any impression that being a stay-at-home mum is an easy job - you get to wear jogging bottoms and stay at home after all! - please let me offer an alternative opinion! Being a mum means sacrificing many of the things you want to do, your ambitions, your body and sometimes your needs (as a pregnant lady who needs to eat/go to the loo frequently, I can testify  to this!).

As you can probably tell from the tone of this post, it's been a rough few weeks in our house. Chloe has had a bad tummy bug, ear infection, conjunctivitis, cold and then chicken pox all in the space of a month! I have also been struggling with low iron which has left me really tired and run-down, although iron tablets are now helping. We have spent an awful lot of time cooped up in the house to avoid spreading Chloe's various infections. I love our house but the walls can close in very quickly when you have a bored toddler who is grumpy from feeling poorly.

I have also been finding things hard with the pregnancy. I said after having Chloe that I don't 'do' pregnancy well and I'm finding this time around similar. I tend to get lots of minor problems (as do many women) and the general feeling of being uncomfortable and large and in pain is just not something I enjoy! I feel guilty for admitting this, as I know so many women are desperate to become pregnant and it is truly and amazing experience, knowing that God is growing a little baby inside of me. But when I have raging heart-burn, hips that are so sore I can't sleep and tight, itchy skin it is very hard to have a positive outlook.

I only feel able to write this post because I feel like I'm coming through the other side of these hard couple of weeks and things are starting to look brighter. I think one of the most important things you can do as a mum is to get out of the house and see people who understand what you are going through. Being isolated and alone is one of the worst feelings, especially when you are caring for a sick child. But I have been to work for my usual 2 days this week (thank you Mum for having Chloe) which has allowed me some breathing space and time to do 'grown-up' things. And then today, thankfully, Chloe's spots had reached the stage where she is no longer contagious (crusted over and starting to heal) so I was able to meet up with some Mummy friends from church. Just getting out of the house and sharing my feelings with other human beings (other than my very loving and patient husband) has given me such a boost. It was so great to see Chloe happy again and running round. It's made me think that she was perhaps getting quite down too being inside and isolated so much.

God has given us Mums an amazing role, but like with anything which is so important, it comes with such responsibility and cost, which I don't think we always count until we're forced to stop everything else. I love my daughter and this new baby which is currently wriggling around inside of me more than I could ever imagine. But it's this love and sacrifice that makes being a Mum so tough at times! I will admit that I did feel really depressed at times over the last few weeks. This is such a loaded term which has very negative connotations for me but I know it's true. I think it's very easy as mothers to 'just keep going' and not acknowledge when we're struggling. Thankfully I have very wonderful people around me who notice when I am not myself. We shouldn't be afraid to say we aren't enjoying life at a given time or even that we are getting near breaking point. As Christians we should protect each other, share burdens and not judge.

I am very thankful for a faithful Father in heaven who leads me through hard times and never leaves my side. When the devil speaks lies over me, I know that I can fight them with God's promises which he has spoken over me.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me...
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23: 4, 6

Love never fails 1 Cor 13:8

On Saturday we had our first parenting morning as a church. It's very exciting to be part of a growing church which is having to develop new ministries as the make-up of the family changes. There are now 6 children under 3, another 3 due in the next 6 months plus a handful of older children too. The morning was excellent with some speakers coming over from another church plus the elders sharing on topics such as raising confident children, raising Christian children and discipline. There was also a time for questions and answers.

My favourite and most inspiring part of the morning was when the famous passage from 1 Corinthians about love was used as a sort of measuring stick of our parenting and method of raising confident children. There was an emphasis that if our children feel loved and accepted as they are then they will feel confident to be themselves. For our children to feel worthy of love, we need to show them plenty of love in what we say but more importantly in what we do.

A tip that was given for examining ourselves as parents was to replace the word 'love' with 'mum'/'dad'. eg - 'Mum is patient'. I think this is very helpful, as when reading this passage through like this, there were a few statements which jarred a bit for me = things to look at and work on!

A few major challenges which J and I both felt came from the morning were:
1. 'Love is patient'. This isn't just being patient in the little, every-day things but also the big things. So if it's taking your child a long time to learn a lesson then allowing them that time and not becoming frustrated. God gives us lots of time to change our ways!
2. 'Listen with your eyes' - spend time talking with our children giving our full attention. No looking at phones!
3. 'Love keeps no record of wrongs'. Don't put a sign of 'unloveable' over children. God removes our transgressions from us and we should be the same as parents. We should avoid saying things like 'you're a naughty girl' as children will take on these labels. Name the behaviour, not the child.
4. Linked to the last one - Love 'always protects'. Don't discuss your child's wrongdoings with others in an unhelpful way. Seek help and advice but don't expose your children. This one has really resonated with me. I am a big 'sharer', meaning that I tend to blurt out all sorts of things to people about how I'm feeling. I often talk about things I'm finding hard with Chloe and even sometimes on facebook. I have felt challenged about this before and now I'm even more determined to protect my little girl. I don't want her to ever feel that her Mum is less than proud of her!

I hope some of these challenges are helpful to you too. I certainly came away with a fresh sense of purpose and determination to do my best for my little family, along with J.

The final point of this section of the morning really helped us all to lift our eyes back up to Jesus after looking at what we could do better. The last verse in this passage was 'love never fails' and the conclusion was that love always wins! If we love our children and God is on our side then we can't fail! This should give us HUGE confidence in our parenting.
I am very thankful that God is much bigger than myself or J in influencing and developing my children.

New name

I was never very happy with the name of the blog 'Godly Mummyhood'. This is what I aspire to but it sounded too much like a statement; this is what I'm doing... I rushed to come up with something when I started and names aren't really my strong point! Other blogs I follow have such clever or poignant names; I often wish I'd have thought of that!
So I tried thinking of something witty or deep but came up blank. I felt challenged to really think about what statements, scripture or words have stuck with me since I became a mum. God's promise about every day being a new day which he has made and has new grace and mercy for has been a real comfort. Psalm 30:5 says 'weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes with the morning'. God promises to renew our hope and strength each day. I frequently need to be reminded of that when I'm going through a rough patch. So often with children it seems that some days are just 'off days' and tomorrow is a new day!
That's why this blog is now called 'Joy in the morning' - to remind me of this amazing promise from God.

Belonging

One thing I love about starting a family is the sense of belonging it creates. Even just as a couple, you end up with sayings and traditions which are just yours. And then having Chloe around has meant we have created new habits which are unique to our family and which most people wouldn't understand! I was trying to think of any I could share with you but it's so hard to explain most of them, especially when they originated with Chloe. (e.g. - before she gets out of the bath, Chloe must lie down on her back and say 'water, water'. She gets very cross if she isn't given time to do this!)

This is very clear when anyone tries to have a conversation with Chloe. She often starts talking about a game we play or something we have done in the week and often people have no idea what she is talking about. How special it is that we, as her parents, understand her and can 'speak her language'! I am sure this helps Chloe to view our relationship as a family as special and creates a sense of belonging. I know this feeling will only grow stronger as we add our new baby to the family and Chloe has someone else to share her life with.

...Added...
I feel challenged that I didn't once mention God in a post about how family gives us a sense of belonging! I had an evening to myself tonight and a bit of time to spend time reading Godly things and allowing God to speak to me. It's so easy to start to fill your mind with everything but Jesus!
So here's a verse about how God has given us the same sense of belonging into his family:
'Those who were not my people I will call 'my people', and her who was not beloved I will call 'beloved'. And in the very place where it was said to them 'you are not my people', there they will be called 'sons of the living God.'

Thank you Father that you saw me and loved me, even when I was walking away from you and didn't want to be one of 'your people'. Thank you for saving me and making me your child. Thank you that I am now a member of your family and for how that gives me the greatest sense of belonging there is! Please help me to teach my children about how their Heavenly Father knows all about them, even more than their earthly families x

'Exceptional in the ordinary things' (and Potty Training, part 3)

I have been using the well-known 'My Utmost for His Highest' devotionals by Oswald Chambers for my quiet times recently. I have found this book to be such a blessing! Short readings and thoughts for the day, which are easy to fit in around my busy schedule with Chloe and they don't depend on you finding time every day.

Yesterday's passage was from Jude and all about building up your faith. Chambers acknowledged that so often we want 'exceptional' experiences with God or to do 'exceptional' things for him. He then turned this on its head and proposed that although Peter walked on water, his greater sacrifice and the more difficult task was to walk with Jesus every day on land. It's the every-day faith that we are called to live out, not to be impulsive thrill-seekers. Chambers sums it up by saying 'We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in mean streets, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes'.

This has been encouraging to me because I have been finding my life very trivial recently. Being inside and potty-training for a whole week has left my prayers for the day as 'God, please let Chloe make progress in doing her wees on the potty today!' or 'please help me to be creative and energetic in keeping Chloe busy at home today'. These prayers just seem so tiny and unimportant compared to all that is happening in the world today and in God's kingdom! Chambers has encouraged me that I have to keep being faithful to God and keep engaging with him during my rather dull day. Another quote from him which often applies to our lives: 'to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus'.

Potty Training Diary

This is the last I will mention about potty-training in detail, as I'm sure there aren't many people who are interested in so much detail about Chloe's toilet habits! But I wanted to finish off the week and today marks a week, hooray! Often you see books in the shops claiming they can potty-train your child in a week. I didn't believe this was really realistic, or at least not for us. But here we are a week on and I guess Chloe is potty-trained, depending on how you define it.

On Saturday we had a funny day, as Chloe again went through a stage of not wanting to try on the potty. She managed some wees on the potty but also had several accidents, one with J when he took her round his parents whilst I rested - whoops! Saturday was also emotional because my parents left for their 6-week trip to India, which Chloe just couldn't get her head round. But more on that another time.

Sunday we had the obstacle of church. It was something that had been looming in the background all week and I knew I really wanted to try it completely nappy-free. Because Saturday hadn't been that successful I had resolved myself that when Chloe went to creche I would probably put her in a nappy, because our creche is relatively new and we haven't had much experience of children who are newly potty-trained. However when we got there I took her straight to the toilets (I had a potty just in case) and Chloe managed to go on the toilet! I was so impressed that she had practically 'weed on command' that I let her tell everyone she then saw when we got back to the meeting room; there were some funny reactions! She was then fine to stay nappy-free all service and made it home without incident. The rest of the day went very well, with just a small accident after leaving her nappy off for her nap.

Today has probably been the best day. I have started asking Chloe a lot less to try on the potty and this has been really effective. She has gone for a wee every 2 and a half hours-ish and almost immediately after being placed on the potty. The only accident happened when I had my shower this morning (we had a lie-in whoops!). When I came out of the shower I heard Chloe calling to me, saying 'I'm still dry!'. I thought this was a bit suspicious and when I came downstairs, found she had wet trousers and pants. I took her to the potty to see if she needed to do more and was very confused to find a big wee in there! The only conclusion I can come to is that she must have taken herself to the potty but forgotten/been unable to take her trousers and pants off and just weed straight through them! So I see this as definite progress if she is already attempting to go by herself. I might have to be brave and leave her bare-bummed if I need to leave her to shower in the future.

So we're still having an accident a day but I feel like we're nearly there. I feel much more confident about leaving the house, as Chloe is so good at holding herself and is getting better at using public loos. There's no turning back now!

Potty training, part 2

Here's the next installment in our potty training adventures!

Day three was ok up until I wrote my last blog, haha. Then in the afternoon Chloe had her friend Jonny round and was too distracted to sit on the potty and, when on the potty, she couldn't seem to wee. This then meant she had a bit of an accident before 'finishing' on the potty. However this seemed to really put her off her potty and she kept refusing to get on it, even after Jonny had left. The afternoon culminated in Chloe bumping her head and as I comforted her with a cuddle she weed all over me and all over the floor! And there was a lot of it! So not a great end to the day.

Day four was a really good day (thank goodness, after Wednesday). Chloe used her potty with no fuss and had no accidents. The only issue I had was that she went for a wee so infrequently that I'm a bit worried she's 'holding it'. I kept putting her on the potty and she seemed ok with that, even really trying to go but with no result. She ended up going from 9am until her nap with no wee. I delayed her nap until 2pm, as I really wanted her to go before, but at 2 it was getting a bit ridiculous! So I put her in her nappy to sleep. However when I woke her at 3.30pm, she STILL hadn't weed! At this point I put her straight on the potty and she did use it successfully. So Chloe is doing the right thing but maybe can only go when she's desperate?!

Day five (today) was going to be a challenging day because it marked stage 2 in potty training  - starting to leave the house. I am not the sort of mum who is relaxed about making a scene in front of people and so the thought of accidents out-and-about terrifies me!

This morning we had Chloe's second session at gym club which I didn't want to miss, as she's been stuck in all week and she loved it last time she went (includes using gym equipment like bars, beams, ladders, trampoline etc but with parachute and song time too = fab!). As I don't know people there very well and it is a professional gym club I decided I couldn't risk an accident during the session but, to avoid being in a nappy all morning, I only put a nappy on Chloe once we got to the gym club before the session. I then took it off straight after (it was dry). The mistake I made was not asking Chloe if she needed a wee immediately, as when I was putting her socks on I felt a warm patch and realised she'd leaked a small amount! Panicking more than a little, I asked Chloe if she needed to wee more; she said 'yes'. Oh no! I took her to the loos... both were occupied... what now?! I kept telling Chloe to hold it in, hoping that the people in the cubicles would hear and hurry up. Once in the loo, I put Chloe on, but this is a new experience for both of us and I wasn't sure if she should dangle at the front or sit right to the back? I'm still not sure ha! (mums - please let me know what you do!). She seemed happier right at the back, as she was clinging on for dear life at the front. After changing positions I was amazed that she actually managed to do a full wee in the toilet! I was so, so proud and this gives me more confidence for taking her out in the future.

Sorry this post is getting so long! The second outing I had to make today was to the supermarket; our fridge was very empty after a whole week at home. We timed it so that we left straight after Chloe went for a wee on the potty, so we could avoid accidents in the shop. However because she isn't 'going on demand' I had to wait quite a while for this! We ended up leaving at 5pm, which then meant the supermarket was heaving; not the best for a first shopping attempt with a toddler newly-potty trained! It took over an hour but we managed without any accidents which was a relief. I had placed a disposable changing mat under Chloe in the trolly, just in case. I'm not sure how effective this would have been but hopefully would have caught some of it! Any other tips for supermarket trips welcomed.

I'm feeling very positive this evening. Much better than I did Wednesday evening! I still haven't got my head around the fact that this is it now and I can't really turn back. I think I half-expected to fail during this half term, so to now be progressing at this rate is a bit scary.

Some progress that still needs to be made:
1) Chloe is still frequently starting to wee in her pants and then stops herself and does the rest on the potty. I need to try and get her to tell me before she starts.
2) She isn't 'going on demand' and seems to try to do wees but can't make herself do it, even when she hasn't been for several hours. I guess this is just a case of increasing her bladder control.
3) Chloe needs to practise using both the potty and toilet so that it is easier to take her out.
4) I want to move towards nappy-free naps, as she is often dry when I wake her up. I don't know if I can face this yet!
5) I to avoid using the tv as a way to get her to sit on the potty and encourage her to wait long enough without it on.

We'll see how it goes!