My little Tiger

This is a completely self-indulgent post so I apologise in advance. Before the baby arrives I wanted to write down all my thoughts about my beautiful girl Chloe from our time with just the two of us. I know I will still get precious moments with her after we become a family of 4 but I'm getting more and more aware that these last few days are really special and I will never have this is quite the same way again. So, here is a collection of aspects of Chloe's personality which I have learnt over her two and a half years...

The title of this post is inspired by Chloe's favourite soft toy tiger. When she was born she was given all sorts of soft toys - my favourite was a really soft, little rabbit with flowery patterned ears. For a while I took this rabbit around with us, encouraging Chloe to choose it as her special toy. But it didn't work and she has now made Tiger her no 1 teddy.

I don't think this choice has a huge significance but it does say something of Chloe's personality. She has never been the baby who is content sitting back watching the world go by or the toddler that shyly hides at the back of the group. She's the girl who runs and climbs and explores. She loves people and having conversations, even with complete strangers. She runs behind people she doesn't know in town and says 'I'm coming to get you!' She wants to be a part of everything, usually the centre of attention.

This 'tiger' personality also means she has a fierce temper and when she doesn't get what she wants, she will let you know she's not happy about it! She can be stubborn and determined, although this is often used in good ways too. I'm happy to say that although she can be 'difficult' at times, Chloe does respond well to correction and generally only warnings are needed and sometimes an opportunity to 'cool off'! She has presented issues with eating and sleeping at different times but has responded well to routines and enforced rules, showing that she is obedient and eager to please.

I don't want to go to too far with the tiger analogy as there is also a really soft side to Chloe. She is very caring and will always be the first to notice my mood - 'are you all right mummy?' She can always make me cry more if she has caught me having a tearful moment because she tries to wipe my tears away and says things like 'mummy's not grown-up today' (!) Chloe is very affectionate - weirdly calling me 'her prince' and stroking my hair. She will always be happy to see me when we've been apart and will tell everyone around that 'my mummy's back!' She also tells daddy she misses him on the phone and will run to the door for a cuddle when he gets in.

Chloe has an amazing imagination and has picked up a huge vocabulary already. She was slightly behind in physical development but has taken to talking very easily ha! She entertains herself with imaginary friends, visits to the shops/dentist/optician etc, she does pretend painting and has tea parties - all of these largely without props. Chloe loves to 'read' her books, especially the ones she knows off by heart (Charlie and Lola being the favourites). If she doesn't know a book or she is looking at one of our books with no pictures, she will make up her own story.

There is so much more I could put but i know it is impossible to sum up a personality in a post like this. I love my daughter very much and accept her just as she is, realising that God has made her unique and perfect, although not without sin like the rest of us. I thank God SO much for how faithful he has been at helping me to shape Chloe so far and I know it will be the same with the new baby. I am very excited about learning all about my new son or daughter and all the aspects of their personality too.

Fruit trees

This morning I managed to do what I had made plans to do way back in a previous post and went for a morning's quiet time whilst J had Chloe. It felt like such a good time to do it as I am reaching my due date soon and I'm sure it will become even harder to have quality time with God once the new baby is here.

Adding to that I have also had a couple of promising false start to labour recently which have served to show me that I don't quite feel 'ready' for the baby to arrive and I have been relieved rather than frustrated when the contractions have fizzled out! (Don't tell J - he's desperate for it all to start!).

I don't want to go into too much detail about the morning as it was a really special, intimate time with God but I do want to share the main thing he spoke to me about as I think it may be helpful for other parents.

I was walking in an orchard of fruit trees (I actually was, not a picture !) and God made me look at these trees which had been cut back and were bare and not very attractive. I had been listing all the worries I had about going from one to two children and how I didn't know how to cope with all the issues I imagined I would face. God reminded me of the following verses in Jeremiah 17:

7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.
8 He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

The tree doesn't need to know about pruning or how to produce more fruit. All it has to do is to send its roots deep into the stream. It just has to receive the nourishment and flourish!

God then led me to John 15:1-17 which is the passage where Jesus says he is the vine and his Father is the vine-dresser. He says:
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. v5

As a mother all I have to do is abide in Jesus and find my strength and resources in him. In the same way that I am clueless about gardening, I am also clueless about bringing up 2 children! But that is ok because God will give me wisdom where I feel foolish and strength where I feel weak. (And energy when I feel like collapsing in a heap!)

I feel so refreshed and prepared now. Not because of any confidence in myself but because my Maker has given me this baby which is about to make an appearance and he will not lead me into any situation which I cannot handle.
Thank you so much Lord for being the stream that sustains me and the vine which I can abide in.

Seasons

'For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.'
Ecc 3:1

I've been thinking quite a bit about time recently and how God gives us different 'seasons' in our lives. This is hardly a major revelation; I think most Christians are familiar with the verses above in Ecclesiastes. Even the title of this blog is a reminder that time moves on and God's mercies remain the same throughout the seasons!

I feel like pregnancy can feel like a lot like standing in a queue, waiting for the next person in front of you to pop their baby out. You can get obsessed with counting the weeks and watching for any sign that the baby may make an early appearance (please God don't let me be overdue!). I am trying to be really thankful for this season of preparation for a new addition to our family and the last few weeks I get to spend with just Chloe. God can make this season just as effective and fulfilling as any other! It just doesn't feel like it when I can't put on my shoes hehe...

I also feel this verse applies to Chloe. She has begun to get very clingy, even not wanting to go to crèche during church. I was always so proud that she was inch an independent, confident child who never cried when we left her. I had to catch myself when I felt disappointed and concerned dropping her off at my mother-in-law's this morning before work because she was in full breakdown mode with me leaving. She is allowed seasons of clinginess and needing her parents more than at other times. She is only 2 after all! I need to practice the type of love that God has in loving us through all our seasons - good ones and bad.

The last way in which this passage has been speaking to me is in preparing for my role in church and generally to change once again. Since Chloe has been born I have gradually taken on more responsibility at church, started socialising more with friends and obviously gone back to work. Now I'm going to have to adjust to stepping back once again and focusing on my beautiful new baby and equally lovely toddler. I am feeling more nervous about this 2nd time round because I know more fully how demanding it is having a breastfeeding baby who requires its mother around 24-7.

Thank you God that you value motherhood and that even in the early hours of the morning, changing pooey nappies and trying to get the baby to latch on for the umpteenth time, your work is being done. This season of learning how to cope with 2 children seems so scary now but I know it's one you've planned for me since before I was born. Thank you for going ahead of me and preparing the way.

HIS sacrifice

This will be a super quick post because we are currently rushing to get ready for church. But it's so important - needed to write it down to remember later!

God has been gently reminding me this morning of HIS great sacrifice that he made for me. However tough I feel I have it (and I really don't have it tough at all!), Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for me on the cross. My saviour died to give me life 'and life to the full'. Hallelujah!

I've been listening to this song by Jesus Culture. Here's a few lines:

This is Jesus in his glory
King of Heaven dying for me
It is finished, he has done it
Death is beaten, heaven beckons me.

It's all for you Jesus, not about me. Please help me remember that today.

Not just coffee and finger-painting.

Recently I've been realising what a sacrifice motherhood is. In case you were under any impression that being a stay-at-home mum is an easy job - you get to wear jogging bottoms and stay at home after all! - please let me offer an alternative opinion! Being a mum means sacrificing many of the things you want to do, your ambitions, your body and sometimes your needs (as a pregnant lady who needs to eat/go to the loo frequently, I can testify  to this!).

As you can probably tell from the tone of this post, it's been a rough few weeks in our house. Chloe has had a bad tummy bug, ear infection, conjunctivitis, cold and then chicken pox all in the space of a month! I have also been struggling with low iron which has left me really tired and run-down, although iron tablets are now helping. We have spent an awful lot of time cooped up in the house to avoid spreading Chloe's various infections. I love our house but the walls can close in very quickly when you have a bored toddler who is grumpy from feeling poorly.

I have also been finding things hard with the pregnancy. I said after having Chloe that I don't 'do' pregnancy well and I'm finding this time around similar. I tend to get lots of minor problems (as do many women) and the general feeling of being uncomfortable and large and in pain is just not something I enjoy! I feel guilty for admitting this, as I know so many women are desperate to become pregnant and it is truly and amazing experience, knowing that God is growing a little baby inside of me. But when I have raging heart-burn, hips that are so sore I can't sleep and tight, itchy skin it is very hard to have a positive outlook.

I only feel able to write this post because I feel like I'm coming through the other side of these hard couple of weeks and things are starting to look brighter. I think one of the most important things you can do as a mum is to get out of the house and see people who understand what you are going through. Being isolated and alone is one of the worst feelings, especially when you are caring for a sick child. But I have been to work for my usual 2 days this week (thank you Mum for having Chloe) which has allowed me some breathing space and time to do 'grown-up' things. And then today, thankfully, Chloe's spots had reached the stage where she is no longer contagious (crusted over and starting to heal) so I was able to meet up with some Mummy friends from church. Just getting out of the house and sharing my feelings with other human beings (other than my very loving and patient husband) has given me such a boost. It was so great to see Chloe happy again and running round. It's made me think that she was perhaps getting quite down too being inside and isolated so much.

God has given us Mums an amazing role, but like with anything which is so important, it comes with such responsibility and cost, which I don't think we always count until we're forced to stop everything else. I love my daughter and this new baby which is currently wriggling around inside of me more than I could ever imagine. But it's this love and sacrifice that makes being a Mum so tough at times! I will admit that I did feel really depressed at times over the last few weeks. This is such a loaded term which has very negative connotations for me but I know it's true. I think it's very easy as mothers to 'just keep going' and not acknowledge when we're struggling. Thankfully I have very wonderful people around me who notice when I am not myself. We shouldn't be afraid to say we aren't enjoying life at a given time or even that we are getting near breaking point. As Christians we should protect each other, share burdens and not judge.

I am very thankful for a faithful Father in heaven who leads me through hard times and never leaves my side. When the devil speaks lies over me, I know that I can fight them with God's promises which he has spoken over me.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me...
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23: 4, 6

Love never fails 1 Cor 13:8

On Saturday we had our first parenting morning as a church. It's very exciting to be part of a growing church which is having to develop new ministries as the make-up of the family changes. There are now 6 children under 3, another 3 due in the next 6 months plus a handful of older children too. The morning was excellent with some speakers coming over from another church plus the elders sharing on topics such as raising confident children, raising Christian children and discipline. There was also a time for questions and answers.

My favourite and most inspiring part of the morning was when the famous passage from 1 Corinthians about love was used as a sort of measuring stick of our parenting and method of raising confident children. There was an emphasis that if our children feel loved and accepted as they are then they will feel confident to be themselves. For our children to feel worthy of love, we need to show them plenty of love in what we say but more importantly in what we do.

A tip that was given for examining ourselves as parents was to replace the word 'love' with 'mum'/'dad'. eg - 'Mum is patient'. I think this is very helpful, as when reading this passage through like this, there were a few statements which jarred a bit for me = things to look at and work on!

A few major challenges which J and I both felt came from the morning were:
1. 'Love is patient'. This isn't just being patient in the little, every-day things but also the big things. So if it's taking your child a long time to learn a lesson then allowing them that time and not becoming frustrated. God gives us lots of time to change our ways!
2. 'Listen with your eyes' - spend time talking with our children giving our full attention. No looking at phones!
3. 'Love keeps no record of wrongs'. Don't put a sign of 'unloveable' over children. God removes our transgressions from us and we should be the same as parents. We should avoid saying things like 'you're a naughty girl' as children will take on these labels. Name the behaviour, not the child.
4. Linked to the last one - Love 'always protects'. Don't discuss your child's wrongdoings with others in an unhelpful way. Seek help and advice but don't expose your children. This one has really resonated with me. I am a big 'sharer', meaning that I tend to blurt out all sorts of things to people about how I'm feeling. I often talk about things I'm finding hard with Chloe and even sometimes on facebook. I have felt challenged about this before and now I'm even more determined to protect my little girl. I don't want her to ever feel that her Mum is less than proud of her!

I hope some of these challenges are helpful to you too. I certainly came away with a fresh sense of purpose and determination to do my best for my little family, along with J.

The final point of this section of the morning really helped us all to lift our eyes back up to Jesus after looking at what we could do better. The last verse in this passage was 'love never fails' and the conclusion was that love always wins! If we love our children and God is on our side then we can't fail! This should give us HUGE confidence in our parenting.
I am very thankful that God is much bigger than myself or J in influencing and developing my children.

New name

I was never very happy with the name of the blog 'Godly Mummyhood'. This is what I aspire to but it sounded too much like a statement; this is what I'm doing... I rushed to come up with something when I started and names aren't really my strong point! Other blogs I follow have such clever or poignant names; I often wish I'd have thought of that!
So I tried thinking of something witty or deep but came up blank. I felt challenged to really think about what statements, scripture or words have stuck with me since I became a mum. God's promise about every day being a new day which he has made and has new grace and mercy for has been a real comfort. Psalm 30:5 says 'weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes with the morning'. God promises to renew our hope and strength each day. I frequently need to be reminded of that when I'm going through a rough patch. So often with children it seems that some days are just 'off days' and tomorrow is a new day!
That's why this blog is now called 'Joy in the morning' - to remind me of this amazing promise from God.