We've had a bit of a stressful morning going into town to do some shopping for our holiday. I'm not sure why but Chloe has woken up today with an extremely short fuse and was definitely not in the mood to look round shops! We try to make shopping fun for her by letting her walk some of the way, stopping at the soft play provided by the shopping centre and stopping for lunch/coffe and a cake.
Today Chloe was having none of it! The worst part was stopping for lunch at Debenhams cafe, where we got Chloe a kids lunchbox which consisted of a ham sandwich, crisps, fruit, juice and a 'treat'. Yesterday she ate almost exactly the same lunch when I was out with my antenatal friends but today she refused to have any sandwich or fruit and only wanted the crisps, which we were limiting until she ate some more 'healthy' food. This trick usually works but Chloe suddenly lost it and was throwing food on the floor, screaming, hitting etc! I'd never seen her like this before, especially about food so I was completely caught off guard. I think J was just as horrified as I was, as the people round us turned to watch her temper tantrum. We hurriedly distracted her with the juice and ate our lunches as fast as possible!
The rest of the outing carried on in a similar fashion, with Chloe sticking out her lip about everything and occasionally screaming in protest in the middle of shops. I suspect there is some underlying cause for her behaviour today, as this was very extreme for her! Maybe her molars are coming through?!
The thing that surprised me today was that I didn't get as annoyed or stressed as I usually do when she plays up. Instead I felt a real surge of love and grace towards my angry little girl. It upsets me to think that she can get so frustrated and angry at the world at her age and pushes away our attempts at showing love towards her. When I put her to bed Chloe wouldn't hug me and instead had a tantrum about having a nap at all. I didn't take offence but told her I loved her no matter how she behaves. God is softening my heart so that I don't get worked up and let my disappointment with Chloe's behaviour affect how I love her. It's completely his work and I am so thankful for it! As J and I were discussing in the car, children aren't given to us as perfect little packages but they're given to us without knowing how to behave or what is acceptable. I now pray God will help me to teach Chloe how to handle these fustrated emotions in a better way!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 22, 2012
Fitting in family time
I haven't posted for a while because I agreed to do GCSE marking for the second year and it has been very time-consuming. My mum has been looking after Chloe whilst I mark on the days I am not at my proper job teaching! So I am getting a taste of what full-time work is like and I am finding it very stressful. I have new found respect for those of you who do work full-time! It is exhausting working hard all day and then switching back into Mummy mode - picking up your child, collecting all their things, getting them home and starting the bedtime routine almost immediately. I am also quite sad about the lack of quality time I am having with Chloe and having to be told by my Mum or Mother-in-law what she has been up to today, how she's behaved/slept/eaten etc. I miss being the main person in her life! I know I am extremely blessed that I only have to do this for a season (until next Weds in fact!) and not forever.
The important thing for me is trying to fit in special family time when I have a few minutes with Chloe, especially when J is here too. A game Chloe has become used to playing before bed is going upstairs with Daddy to run the bath and whilst it's running they both hide under the duvet and stay very quiet. I then come upstairs and go through the process of 'Where are Daddy and Chloe? Are they in the bathroom?...No. Are they in Chloe's bedroom?...No. Are they under the duvet?...YES!' She is happy to play this again and again and I am trying to make myself slow down and enjoy these moments instead of thinking 'I'm exhausted, I just need you to go to bed quickly'.
I will post more soon - only 200 more essays to go!
The important thing for me is trying to fit in special family time when I have a few minutes with Chloe, especially when J is here too. A game Chloe has become used to playing before bed is going upstairs with Daddy to run the bath and whilst it's running they both hide under the duvet and stay very quiet. I then come upstairs and go through the process of 'Where are Daddy and Chloe? Are they in the bathroom?...No. Are they in Chloe's bedroom?...No. Are they under the duvet?...YES!' She is happy to play this again and again and I am trying to make myself slow down and enjoy these moments instead of thinking 'I'm exhausted, I just need you to go to bed quickly'.
I will post more soon - only 200 more essays to go!
Friday, June 8, 2012
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still water.
There's a gale raging outside my window this morning. I've opened the window to let the steam from the shower out (we don't have a window in the bathroom) and it is so loud I'm going to have to close it again soon. I've always had this strange fear of strong winds. I think it's connected to when my family used to go camping when we were little or to Bible camps and I used to get scared the tent would blow down. So I'm not enjoying the wind this morning!
I feel like life's a bit stormy at the moment (sorry about the cheesy analogy!) - nothing awful going on but just lots of 'stuff' that is bogging me down and planting little seeds of worry. You know when things feel a bit on top of you? I often feel guilty when I complain to God about all the things that are stressing me, which are so insignificant compared to what others are going through. But I am so thankful that my God is big enough to deal with huge problems and compassionate enough to care about my little niggles.
I am reading through a Bible study guide which is looking at the theme of water. I've never really used a study guide like this before, so it's opened up a new way of reading God's word which I'm enjoying. I feel quite drawn to looking at my life using water as a picture to help me understand. For example, Jesus calmed the storms at Galilee showing his mastery over all creation - so when I see a gale like the one outside, it is testament to how powerful God is, as he could calm it in an instant.
The passage last night was the very familiar Psalm 23. I memorised this as a child (as I'm sure lots of people did) and sometimes I find that unhelpful because the meaning can get lost in the familiarity of the verses. But the study guide talked through each verse and I was really struck with this part:
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside still waters
The study guide suggested meditating on those verses, imagining Jesus leading you to a beautiful green meadow where you lie down in safety, next a gentle stream. I know this sort of meditation isn't for everyone but it really reminded me of when I was a child and I used to do this a lot when I was in worship. I used to always imagine myself in the countryside spending time with Jesus - this is something I had forgotten until reading the guide! Last night as I was stressing about various things, what I really needed was to lie down in safety and spend time letting Jesus shoulder my burdens and give me peace. I don't do this enough and it such a calming, rewarding exercise; to 'be still and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10). Thank you Jesus for being my good shepherd.
I feel like life's a bit stormy at the moment (sorry about the cheesy analogy!) - nothing awful going on but just lots of 'stuff' that is bogging me down and planting little seeds of worry. You know when things feel a bit on top of you? I often feel guilty when I complain to God about all the things that are stressing me, which are so insignificant compared to what others are going through. But I am so thankful that my God is big enough to deal with huge problems and compassionate enough to care about my little niggles.
I am reading through a Bible study guide which is looking at the theme of water. I've never really used a study guide like this before, so it's opened up a new way of reading God's word which I'm enjoying. I feel quite drawn to looking at my life using water as a picture to help me understand. For example, Jesus calmed the storms at Galilee showing his mastery over all creation - so when I see a gale like the one outside, it is testament to how powerful God is, as he could calm it in an instant.
The passage last night was the very familiar Psalm 23. I memorised this as a child (as I'm sure lots of people did) and sometimes I find that unhelpful because the meaning can get lost in the familiarity of the verses. But the study guide talked through each verse and I was really struck with this part:
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside still waters
The study guide suggested meditating on those verses, imagining Jesus leading you to a beautiful green meadow where you lie down in safety, next a gentle stream. I know this sort of meditation isn't for everyone but it really reminded me of when I was a child and I used to do this a lot when I was in worship. I used to always imagine myself in the countryside spending time with Jesus - this is something I had forgotten until reading the guide! Last night as I was stressing about various things, what I really needed was to lie down in safety and spend time letting Jesus shoulder my burdens and give me peace. I don't do this enough and it such a calming, rewarding exercise; to 'be still and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10). Thank you Jesus for being my good shepherd.
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