My little Tiger

This is a completely self-indulgent post so I apologise in advance. Before the baby arrives I wanted to write down all my thoughts about my beautiful girl Chloe from our time with just the two of us. I know I will still get precious moments with her after we become a family of 4 but I'm getting more and more aware that these last few days are really special and I will never have this is quite the same way again. So, here is a collection of aspects of Chloe's personality which I have learnt over her two and a half years...

The title of this post is inspired by Chloe's favourite soft toy tiger. When she was born she was given all sorts of soft toys - my favourite was a really soft, little rabbit with flowery patterned ears. For a while I took this rabbit around with us, encouraging Chloe to choose it as her special toy. But it didn't work and she has now made Tiger her no 1 teddy.

I don't think this choice has a huge significance but it does say something of Chloe's personality. She has never been the baby who is content sitting back watching the world go by or the toddler that shyly hides at the back of the group. She's the girl who runs and climbs and explores. She loves people and having conversations, even with complete strangers. She runs behind people she doesn't know in town and says 'I'm coming to get you!' She wants to be a part of everything, usually the centre of attention.

This 'tiger' personality also means she has a fierce temper and when she doesn't get what she wants, she will let you know she's not happy about it! She can be stubborn and determined, although this is often used in good ways too. I'm happy to say that although she can be 'difficult' at times, Chloe does respond well to correction and generally only warnings are needed and sometimes an opportunity to 'cool off'! She has presented issues with eating and sleeping at different times but has responded well to routines and enforced rules, showing that she is obedient and eager to please.

I don't want to go to too far with the tiger analogy as there is also a really soft side to Chloe. She is very caring and will always be the first to notice my mood - 'are you all right mummy?' She can always make me cry more if she has caught me having a tearful moment because she tries to wipe my tears away and says things like 'mummy's not grown-up today' (!) Chloe is very affectionate - weirdly calling me 'her prince' and stroking my hair. She will always be happy to see me when we've been apart and will tell everyone around that 'my mummy's back!' She also tells daddy she misses him on the phone and will run to the door for a cuddle when he gets in.

Chloe has an amazing imagination and has picked up a huge vocabulary already. She was slightly behind in physical development but has taken to talking very easily ha! She entertains herself with imaginary friends, visits to the shops/dentist/optician etc, she does pretend painting and has tea parties - all of these largely without props. Chloe loves to 'read' her books, especially the ones she knows off by heart (Charlie and Lola being the favourites). If she doesn't know a book or she is looking at one of our books with no pictures, she will make up her own story.

There is so much more I could put but i know it is impossible to sum up a personality in a post like this. I love my daughter very much and accept her just as she is, realising that God has made her unique and perfect, although not without sin like the rest of us. I thank God SO much for how faithful he has been at helping me to shape Chloe so far and I know it will be the same with the new baby. I am very excited about learning all about my new son or daughter and all the aspects of their personality too.

Fruit trees

This morning I managed to do what I had made plans to do way back in a previous post and went for a morning's quiet time whilst J had Chloe. It felt like such a good time to do it as I am reaching my due date soon and I'm sure it will become even harder to have quality time with God once the new baby is here.

Adding to that I have also had a couple of promising false start to labour recently which have served to show me that I don't quite feel 'ready' for the baby to arrive and I have been relieved rather than frustrated when the contractions have fizzled out! (Don't tell J - he's desperate for it all to start!).

I don't want to go into too much detail about the morning as it was a really special, intimate time with God but I do want to share the main thing he spoke to me about as I think it may be helpful for other parents.

I was walking in an orchard of fruit trees (I actually was, not a picture !) and God made me look at these trees which had been cut back and were bare and not very attractive. I had been listing all the worries I had about going from one to two children and how I didn't know how to cope with all the issues I imagined I would face. God reminded me of the following verses in Jeremiah 17:

7 "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.
8 He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit."

The tree doesn't need to know about pruning or how to produce more fruit. All it has to do is to send its roots deep into the stream. It just has to receive the nourishment and flourish!

God then led me to John 15:1-17 which is the passage where Jesus says he is the vine and his Father is the vine-dresser. He says:
I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. v5

As a mother all I have to do is abide in Jesus and find my strength and resources in him. In the same way that I am clueless about gardening, I am also clueless about bringing up 2 children! But that is ok because God will give me wisdom where I feel foolish and strength where I feel weak. (And energy when I feel like collapsing in a heap!)

I feel so refreshed and prepared now. Not because of any confidence in myself but because my Maker has given me this baby which is about to make an appearance and he will not lead me into any situation which I cannot handle.
Thank you so much Lord for being the stream that sustains me and the vine which I can abide in.

Seasons

'For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.'
Ecc 3:1

I've been thinking quite a bit about time recently and how God gives us different 'seasons' in our lives. This is hardly a major revelation; I think most Christians are familiar with the verses above in Ecclesiastes. Even the title of this blog is a reminder that time moves on and God's mercies remain the same throughout the seasons!

I feel like pregnancy can feel like a lot like standing in a queue, waiting for the next person in front of you to pop their baby out. You can get obsessed with counting the weeks and watching for any sign that the baby may make an early appearance (please God don't let me be overdue!). I am trying to be really thankful for this season of preparation for a new addition to our family and the last few weeks I get to spend with just Chloe. God can make this season just as effective and fulfilling as any other! It just doesn't feel like it when I can't put on my shoes hehe...

I also feel this verse applies to Chloe. She has begun to get very clingy, even not wanting to go to crèche during church. I was always so proud that she was inch an independent, confident child who never cried when we left her. I had to catch myself when I felt disappointed and concerned dropping her off at my mother-in-law's this morning before work because she was in full breakdown mode with me leaving. She is allowed seasons of clinginess and needing her parents more than at other times. She is only 2 after all! I need to practice the type of love that God has in loving us through all our seasons - good ones and bad.

The last way in which this passage has been speaking to me is in preparing for my role in church and generally to change once again. Since Chloe has been born I have gradually taken on more responsibility at church, started socialising more with friends and obviously gone back to work. Now I'm going to have to adjust to stepping back once again and focusing on my beautiful new baby and equally lovely toddler. I am feeling more nervous about this 2nd time round because I know more fully how demanding it is having a breastfeeding baby who requires its mother around 24-7.

Thank you God that you value motherhood and that even in the early hours of the morning, changing pooey nappies and trying to get the baby to latch on for the umpteenth time, your work is being done. This season of learning how to cope with 2 children seems so scary now but I know it's one you've planned for me since before I was born. Thank you for going ahead of me and preparing the way.