Aims for 2014

Hi all! 2013 has been a bit of a mad year for us and I have to say I feel a little nervous about 2014, with my parents leaving, decisions about work and Chloe starting school. But when I look back on hard times even this year I KNOW God has been faithful and is with me all the way (see my previous post on 'the next path').

I want to have some direction for the year but also don't think in quite up for committing to resolutions so here are a few aims.

- Focus on my marriage. I feel like J and I have been ploughing through family life for most of this year. You know, when doing 'life' seems to take all your time and energy and you don't have time for much else. Tonight will be our first time leaving Livia (with my parents) so we haven't really had much of a break. I want to get much better at date nights and prioritising talking about us and not just the kids.

- Time with Chloe. My big girl is off to school in a matter of months and I don't want to waste this special time with her. I thought briefly about increasing her preschool sessions but I don't think I will after all, so we have time free to spend together. I'm going to miss her!

- Read the Bible everyday and have regular worship sessions. I pray every day without fail but these are often 'help me' prayers with little time enjoying God. I need to prioritise quality time with God and make sure I read even a verse of the Bible every day. I manage to go on Facebook every day so there really is no excuse! I want it to be my daily bread and get my sustenance from God, not my own strength.

Those are all quite serious aims for the year! But I feel in quite a serious mood this new year. A little like I'm preparing for battle! I am hoping the coming year won't be quite as difficult as I'm envisaging. At least I'm starting it off at a fun party this evening and even a lie-in on New Year's Day!

The most important role as a parent

I have been reminded over the last few days at Christmas that my most important role as a parent is to love my children. When you are around family and at lots of dinners and parties and public occasions, there can be pressure for your children to behave and possibly times when you feel they are being compared or judged. Children are often over-excited, can be ungrateful, can get the wrong idea about Christmas, can throw tantrums, say inappropriate things and if you are with people who aren't used to young children it can be embarrassing!

Normally in these situations I panic about my powers as a parent to discipline, worry that I'm doing something wrong, worry how others will see me etc. But I feel like God has opened my eyes to my most important role as a parent this Christmas and that is to love my children. I feel like I need to add the usual disclaimer that this includes teaching them the right way to behave, but there is so much more than this! 

Therefore, I am doing my job correctly if my children feel loved and secure, rather than minding their p's and q's and sitting good as gold at the dinner table. I want my children to understand grace and patience by the way I treat them, not the law and condemnation.

Thank you Jesus for being born into this broken world and coming to bring your grace and love. What an amazing example for us.

Christmas time

I really enjoy hearing about how people celebrate Christmas and how different families have different traditions; so, here is a snapshot of our Christmas.

This year we spent a few days before Christmas and Christmas Day at my grandparents with the whole of my family. I have a very small extended family so we normally manage to all get together at some point over Christmas. When we stay with my grandparents on Christmas Eve we always go to a traditional candlelit carol service at their C of E Church. This was a bit of a challenge with a three year old and a 10-month-old but I'm so glad we tried because we managed to keep them occupied between us the whole service. It is the ultimate way to feel Christmassy, belting out Hark the Herald Angels Sing and holding candles (or a baby!) in a beautiful church.

On Christmas Day morning we had the whole family experience of all piling onto the bed and opening stockings. Then checking the mantelpiece to see if Father Christmas had eaten his cake and drunk his apple juice (Chloe's choices). Then church, then massive lunch, then opening all the rest of the presents, then Christmas TV. I think our Christmas day is pretty traditional! (But wouldn't change it!).

Boxing day we drove down to stay with J's parents. Although they only live round the corner we wanted to stay overnight so that we got more time with them and had some childfree time once the girls had gone to bed. It can be a bit tiring doing one day with one family, one day with the other, but at the same time it's also nice that the celebrations don't have to stop after Christmas day. I really believe in being fair with the time that we spend with both families as well. 

The next few days we have more family celebrations but also lots of time with lovely friends which I'm really looking forward to. Last night we saw some old friends and i found it so refreshing to have a change from seeing family and all the emotions that can come with that (although I do love my family lots!!).

I hope you all had really wonderful Christmases. What a special time of year and I'm so glad we get to do it again next year and the year after and the year after etc.

The next path

God gave me a picture a while ago which is very relevant for me at the moment and I keep returning to it so I thought maybe it might bless others too. In a month's time my parents are returning as missionaries to India for a couple of years. I don't want to discuss too much on here how I feel about it (a mixture of pride and sadness!) but I think if you are a parent you must know how valuable grandparents are to the parents and children and be able to imagine how it must feel to have them the other side of the world.

Anyway, the picture was of a father leading a child down a path. He wasn't dragging the child or leading the child anywhere dangerous or bad for the child. He was lovingly taking the child down the right path, where he would be there to protect and encourage along the way. This has been so helpful to me in the times when I just want time to stop and things to stay as they are; I know that despite me thinking that the future is a horrible, scary place, it can't be because my father is leading me there. Or when I am going through a difficult time and feel alone, I know that my heavenly Father is holding my hand through it.

One example of this picture helping was this morning when I came to give Livia her morning breastfeed (the only feed I'm still doing myself) and she completely rejected it. J quickly made a bottle and she was immediately happy again. I made the decision that this was probably the sign that my breastfeeding journey with Livia was over. I did sneakily give her a breastfeed after she had got over her initial hunger with the bottle but that will be the last one. I feel really sad about stopping feeding her, especially as this may be our last baby (who knows!). I miss the closeness and snuggliness of it already. But I feel like God told me clearly that this was to be the last time and blessed me by keeping Chloe asleep until 8am so I could have that special time with Livia! He is leading me on and I know that there will be other special ways I can be close to Livia in the future.

If you are going into a new season or something scary then I hope this picture will bless you. God the most amazing Father is holding your hand and keeping you safe on this new path.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Eeek I'm so excited about Christmas this year! I think as my children get older, my sense of anticipation for celebrating with them gets stronger. This has been the first year where we have has lots of Christmas related activities to go to: a preschool concert, preschool party, toddler group party and church nativity play.

Chloe takes the performances very seriously. She has loved rehearsing and coming home, telling me importantly all the songs she has to learn. At the preschool concert we could hear her singing all the way at our seats in the back.

When you have preschool children it does feel a bit like you learn about Christmas with them every year. At this age they can't remember a year ago and so the magic is fresh again every year. I really love love love seeing the Christmas lights, the tree, the carols, the parties etc through Chloe's eyes. And most importantly teaching her about Jesus' birth and the meaning behind her nativity play at church.

Of course I'm not forgetting that it is Livia's first Christmas either. For her, I'm just excited by all the time with family and getting to play with lots of different people. Oh and eating Christmas dinner for the first time! 

Ahh Christmas is the best!

Thank you Jesus for this special time celebrating your birth. I pray that as my girls grow up they will take in the real meaning behind Christmas and not get lost in the tinsel, Rudolph and dressing up. May our family always honour you first.

Baby and me

I don't Iike to give advice to other mums too much if I can help myself, as I think that every family is so different and parents can have such different views about how to raise children. However one thing that I really wanted to recommend to parents who are having their second child is to try and find some time in the week to have alone time with your new baby.

Today I have been really valuing quality time with Livia whilst Chloe is at preschool. Often I have to spend these precious hours going food shopping or I sometimes meet a friend who doesn't have children/has a baby for a coffee (ie - activities that are much simpler without Chloe!). But I do try to leave this time free when I can because it is so nice to have Livia all to myself.

When I went through a rough patch when Livia was about 2/3 months old, I think it was partly caused by feeling like I wasn't meeting the needs of either of my children and lacking this quality time. Now, I get special time with Chloe when Livia has her two naps and time with Livia when Chloe is at preschool. I can't tell you how much better this has made me feel.

If it is impossible for you to have alone time with your second child then I don't want you to feel guilty. I can understand that if you had your children close together this might not be possible. I don't think your baby will notice! But I have just loved having special moments with Livia and needed to share how these have blessed me. As Livia is heading towards becoming a toddler, I want to stop and appreciate her baby-scrumminess as much as I can!

Ps - Just to add that we now have this time naturally through Chloe being preschool age. However before this, I did a baby massage class whilst my mother-in-law had Chloe and then I started Chloe in preschool a bit early (only 2 sessions a week). 

Me?

Mums often lament that after having children they don't feel 'like themselves' anymore. They lose their identity and become just 'mum'. I can fully sympathise with this feeling but I have to say that since becoming a mum I feel like I know more about myself and I'm making more effort to 'be true to myself' (deep, isn't it?!)

I'll try to explain. I have always been a bit intimidated by taking to people I don't know. I have often been labelled 'shy' in the past, especially by my own family and family friends. I think people often label you as a child and expect you to stay the same for eternity! Since having children I suddenly had lots of people I didn't know who I could easily chat to and not feel self conscious. Having children gives you an instant common ground. I think in general this has helped me to be more confident and 'myself' in other circumstances too. 

I think as a mum you often have to work hard to develop your own interests and the pressure on your own spare time can help you to realise what is important. I don't feel guilty about time to myself, thinking about non-mummy things; God has given me lots of different passions and desires which should not contradict being a wife and mum. I will prioritise reading, making cards, writing, spending quality time with people (ok, as well as watching trashy tv and going on the internet!). But I think I am a lot more grateful for times of rest and use that time better. 

I have attached a photo of a painting my husband bought me for my birthday to this post. It is a Waterhouse painting of Penelope waiting for her husband Odysseus to return home after 20 years with no news, whilst the suitors try to persuade her to marry them. She has tricked them by saying she will choose one of them when she finishes weaving a shroud. However every night she unpicks her work so she will never finish. I really love this painting and it reflects my interest in Classics and romance. I'm not sure if I would have spent money on a painting like this 5 years ago. I know it won't be to everyone's taste but that's ok. I like having reminders around me of my interests and what makes me, me. The hubby likes it because it's of a wife remaining faithful to her husband so that works out well!

If you're a mum, maybe think about what is important to you and the dreams and desires God has placed in your heart. What makes you, you?