I had to quickly write about a programme I watched this evening on social workers. The programme followed social workers as they dealt with this one family suspected of neglect. It was completely heart-breaking as the little boy had no bed, was sharing a 2 bed flat with a dog that wasn't toilet trained, often went without meals, would have to put his shoes on himself & often got them the wrong way round & he hadn't learnt to talk at 3 years old. You could tell his mum really loved him as she got emotional about the fact that she couldn't cope with looking after him.
In the end the boy was taken into care and only allowed to see his parents under supervision. It most upset me that the little boy had no idea of what was going on and just wanted to be with his parents - he didn't care that they didn't look after him well enough - they were his mum and dad. At the end of the programme the mum decided to allow him to be formally adopted which would mean she wouldn't be able to see him again. I can't imagine how difficult that decision would be but I really believe she made it for the right reasons. You could see how much the decision cost her.
I feel very challenged to pray more for children who have absent or no parents. I hope this little boy is adopted quickly & somehow knows that he wasn't abandoned by his parents. I think tomorrow I'm going to be extra affectionate with Chloe! I never want her to feel unloved or unwanted.
Monday, January 30, 2012
A godly view of money
At church yesterday it was 'seminar Sunday' so there were lots of different talks going on and you could choose which you were most interested in. I went to the one on money, as I always feel a bit breathless and panicky whenever it comes to our finances! J is usually in charge and then he tells me if there is a problem (which I then try to forget about as quickly as possible).
Anyway the talk was very good and challenged me on lots of things. Here are a few:
- Being a mum is a sacrifice in many ways and you shouldn't try to maintain your pre-baby lifestyle at the cost of your family. I believe that working 2 days a week is a nice break for myself but also Chloe so doesn't impact negatively on the family. I have been thinking about upping my hours but this has challenged me to examine my reasons for it and not be focused on money.
- God does not owe you a middle class lifestyle. This is a very challenging one in the south-east where we live. There is a lot of pressure to have the 'right' baby accessories, two cars, a house in a nice area etc etc. Working in a private school makes this worse! There is a certain element of 'keeping up appearances' but also it's such a wonderful school to be a part of, I had been half-hoping I could send Chloe there eventually. Even if we could afford it, I'm not sure that would be the best stewardship of our money.
- Keep good records. God calls us to look after our money well (Provebs 27:23-23) and that means knowing where it all goes!! This prompted J and I to create a proper budget, accounting for everything! It was quite a scary process for me and when we entered the formulae in excel to work out the balance for each month we were both holidng our breath! But we were in the black with some savings and contingency money so that's very reassuring. I feel a lot more in control of our money now and happy that we have some idea how we'll be doing each month.
As a mum I hope to pass on these good lessons about money to Chloe. I want her to learn to save and to make a budget and modelling it and talking to her about how we manage our money is the best way.
Anyway the talk was very good and challenged me on lots of things. Here are a few:
- Being a mum is a sacrifice in many ways and you shouldn't try to maintain your pre-baby lifestyle at the cost of your family. I believe that working 2 days a week is a nice break for myself but also Chloe so doesn't impact negatively on the family. I have been thinking about upping my hours but this has challenged me to examine my reasons for it and not be focused on money.
- God does not owe you a middle class lifestyle. This is a very challenging one in the south-east where we live. There is a lot of pressure to have the 'right' baby accessories, two cars, a house in a nice area etc etc. Working in a private school makes this worse! There is a certain element of 'keeping up appearances' but also it's such a wonderful school to be a part of, I had been half-hoping I could send Chloe there eventually. Even if we could afford it, I'm not sure that would be the best stewardship of our money.
- Keep good records. God calls us to look after our money well (Provebs 27:23-23) and that means knowing where it all goes!! This prompted J and I to create a proper budget, accounting for everything! It was quite a scary process for me and when we entered the formulae in excel to work out the balance for each month we were both holidng our breath! But we were in the black with some savings and contingency money so that's very reassuring. I feel a lot more in control of our money now and happy that we have some idea how we'll be doing each month.
As a mum I hope to pass on these good lessons about money to Chloe. I want her to learn to save and to make a budget and modelling it and talking to her about how we manage our money is the best way.
Monday, January 23, 2012
New mercies every morning
It's Monday which is actually a lovely day for me because the weekend is usually very busy so I like having time to sort the house out & spend time with Chloe. Today we are going swimming which I'm very excited about as we haven't been in ages. Yesterday Chloe was not in the best of moods. This was mainly due to the things we were doing - out of the house all day & expecting her to be quiet & play nicely in public places! I've been thinking a lot recently about the balance between child-centeredness & self-centeredness but I'll save that for another post! The point I'm making is that it will be nice to do something Chloe wants to do today.
It's hard not to let your feelings from the day before affect your parenting the next day. But I was reminded of the verse where it talks about God's mercies being new for us every morning. We have to be like that in our forgiveness and grace towards our children. I never want Chloe to believe that I love her only because of her actions. So today I'm forgetting the pulled hair, the tantrums & the screaming and I'm going to treat Chloe like it never happened! Now I just have to find energy for swimming!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Birth!
After a few friends having new babies recently I've started longing for the days when Chloe was a newborn. There is nothing more amazing than birth! I am also loving the series One Born Every Minute - guaranteed to get me tearful! I love how God turns a little squirmy bump which sustains itself by living inside you into a real life person which you then have to care for. In a moment you become a parent and your life is changed. This really makes me think of Jesus calling us to be 'born again' (a term which has become a bit cheesy I think). Suddenly there's new life and everything is changed!
I'm very excited for these new parents and a bit jealous if I'm honest! I love all the firsts - giving baby a name, taking them home, learning to feed etc. It's all so exciting! And no we're not having another one yet, just a bit broody!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Positive about (your own!) parenting
Today had a rocky start. Chloe was in such a grumpy mood - still not sure why, possibly teething (although that does become the excuse for everything!). I also had food shopping to do and housework so nothing interesting going on this morning. A few things happened which put in a bad mood and when I looked at why they annoyed me, it wasn't the things themselves but the way they made me doubt my parenting capabilities and decisions. For example, Chloe again was mucking around on the stairs when she was supposed to be coming down. I had my hands full so couldn't pick her up and was waiting just below her to supervise her. She was wavering at the top, knowing that I wanted her to turn round and come down backwards but thought it was funny to pretend to come down front ways. In the end I got so frustrated that I closed the stairgate at the top of the stairs and left her there. Supposedly this was to teach Chloe that she either stays upstairs or comes down but that she can't play there. But she got so upset I immediately felt horribly guilty for letting her think she was going to be left by herself.
Again at the supermarket I ended up doubting my skills as a parent, as I looked at my list of meals for the week and realised that I was only making a few meals completely from scratch - no ready meals, but quite a few jarred sauces. I know this isn't the end of the world and I'm happy to do a mix of cutting corners and 'proper' family meals but there's a nagging guilt that it's not good enough. It's made worse by having talented friends who always cook from scratch and spend their spare time sewing, quilting, knitting etc!
Another moment of guilt was back home after shopping, when I really needed to get everything put away before Jon brought a friend round for lunch and Chloe was getting in the way. I resorted to turning on the TV to CBeeebies to keep her in one place and out of mischief. Again, TV isn't bad and can be a lifesaver but still I feel the guilt! I imagine people saying 'Well my child doesn't watch any TV'.
I know this post sounds very negative and perhaps isn't painting me in a good light (!) but I feel it's helpful to be truthful about the battles mums face and the decisions they have to make every day. Guilt is such a strong emotion for mums and I'm sure it's because of the massive job we've been given in raising children, especially when you want to raise Godly children. I felt challenged to change my thinking to be positive about my skills as a parent - linking in with my last blog about guarding thoughts. So here are a few things that I feel I am good at:
- Structure. From when Chloe was little I built a structure into our day which meant that she learnt to sleep during the night and have regular naps, which means she always knows what's coming and is happy with that.
- Setting clear standards. Chloe has learnt to sleep in her cot, in her own room from an early age and (at the moment!) will rarely make a fuss about going to sleep. I have also been firm about food and Chloe does not get offered an alternative if she is picky about food. This means she will eat most things.
- Praise and affirmation. I lose track of the number of times I praise Chloe and tell her that I love her or give physical affection during the day.
- Confidence with other people. Because I haven't been clingy or overly protective with Chloe, I believe this has helped her to be confident around other people and adjusts quickly to new situations.
That's made me feel loads better! I think it's something that mums should do regularly instead of always feeling weighed down by guilt. If you are a mum try to think of 3 things you've done WELL today!
Again at the supermarket I ended up doubting my skills as a parent, as I looked at my list of meals for the week and realised that I was only making a few meals completely from scratch - no ready meals, but quite a few jarred sauces. I know this isn't the end of the world and I'm happy to do a mix of cutting corners and 'proper' family meals but there's a nagging guilt that it's not good enough. It's made worse by having talented friends who always cook from scratch and spend their spare time sewing, quilting, knitting etc!
Another moment of guilt was back home after shopping, when I really needed to get everything put away before Jon brought a friend round for lunch and Chloe was getting in the way. I resorted to turning on the TV to CBeeebies to keep her in one place and out of mischief. Again, TV isn't bad and can be a lifesaver but still I feel the guilt! I imagine people saying 'Well my child doesn't watch any TV'.
I know this post sounds very negative and perhaps isn't painting me in a good light (!) but I feel it's helpful to be truthful about the battles mums face and the decisions they have to make every day. Guilt is such a strong emotion for mums and I'm sure it's because of the massive job we've been given in raising children, especially when you want to raise Godly children. I felt challenged to change my thinking to be positive about my skills as a parent - linking in with my last blog about guarding thoughts. So here are a few things that I feel I am good at:
- Structure. From when Chloe was little I built a structure into our day which meant that she learnt to sleep during the night and have regular naps, which means she always knows what's coming and is happy with that.
- Setting clear standards. Chloe has learnt to sleep in her cot, in her own room from an early age and (at the moment!) will rarely make a fuss about going to sleep. I have also been firm about food and Chloe does not get offered an alternative if she is picky about food. This means she will eat most things.
- Praise and affirmation. I lose track of the number of times I praise Chloe and tell her that I love her or give physical affection during the day.
- Confidence with other people. Because I haven't been clingy or overly protective with Chloe, I believe this has helped her to be confident around other people and adjusts quickly to new situations.
That's made me feel loads better! I think it's something that mums should do regularly instead of always feeling weighed down by guilt. If you are a mum try to think of 3 things you've done WELL today!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Ambition & Thinking...
I went to see The Iron Lady with 2 friends yesterday.it was lovely to get out if the house (minus child!!) & go see a film which we used to do a lot. I really enjoyed the film which surprised me as politics is usually a real turn off for me. But Margaret Thatcher is such an interesting woman, no matter what you think of her. 2 things really struck me during the film.
First, when Margaret agrees to marry her husband Dennis, she agrees on the condition that she will to more with her life than just be at home and raise the children. She says one must do more with their life. Seeing the amount Margaret managed to achieve does inspire me to not give up on dreams I've had for my life. I won't be prime minister (thank goodness!) but I know God has lots of ambition for me in other ways. It's very hard to juggle career & ambition with being a mum. Not going into that whole topic now but that was very clear in the film.
The second thing which struck me was this quote: 'watch your thoughts, for they become your words; watch your words, for they become your actions; watch your actions, for they become your habits; watch your habits, for they become your character; and watch your character, for it will become your destiny. What we think we will become." I really like thus quote. I think it's very Biblical that what is in your head affects how you act & who you are. Like when Jesus calls us not to commit adultery or murder in our minds. Or in Philippians when Paul exhorts us to think about good, lovely & pure (etc) things. I have found this very challenging & I'm going to try hard to mind my thoughts.
First, when Margaret agrees to marry her husband Dennis, she agrees on the condition that she will to more with her life than just be at home and raise the children. She says one must do more with their life. Seeing the amount Margaret managed to achieve does inspire me to not give up on dreams I've had for my life. I won't be prime minister (thank goodness!) but I know God has lots of ambition for me in other ways. It's very hard to juggle career & ambition with being a mum. Not going into that whole topic now but that was very clear in the film.
The second thing which struck me was this quote: 'watch your thoughts, for they become your words; watch your words, for they become your actions; watch your actions, for they become your habits; watch your habits, for they become your character; and watch your character, for it will become your destiny. What we think we will become." I really like thus quote. I think it's very Biblical that what is in your head affects how you act & who you are. Like when Jesus calls us not to commit adultery or murder in our minds. Or in Philippians when Paul exhorts us to think about good, lovely & pure (etc) things. I have found this very challenging & I'm going to try hard to mind my thoughts.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Learning lessons
Today I went for a walk with a friend who has a son who is 11 months older than Chloe. It's always interesting spending time with her, as she is dealing with issues that are just a stage on from us. Whilst we were walking we started talking about morning routines and how I was having to get ready before J goes to work, now that Chloe has dropped her morning nap. She asked whether I could shower whilst Chloe plays downstairs. To me that seems impossible - Chloe cries if she is left alone and she relies a lot on others entertaining her. She very rarely occupies herself and plays with her toys! My friend suggested that I try leaving her downstairs by herself for short periods of time. This seems like a bit of a breakthrough for me because I hadn't really considered that she's old enough to play by herself. I always feel like I need to supervise her closely.
It's made me think about growing up and children learning lessons. Sometimes lessons can be hard to learn and I'm sure Chloe will still resist me being out of the room or not giving her my undivided attention the whole time. Another way this point was demonstrated to me today was when we were coming down the stairs after Chloe's nap. I was several stairs down from her and she started to muck around which she knows will get her attention. I didn't see exactly what happened but she fell down a few steps. I stopped her but she still banged her shoulder and was a bit shocked by the fall. Without sounding harsh I was quite pleased that she'd had a bit of a scare because I'm sure she'll learn not to play on the stairs from this, much more than me just saying ' no' all the time.
I could come up with some cheesy parallels in the way God teaches lessons but I'm sure you can work them out for yourselves!
It's made me think about growing up and children learning lessons. Sometimes lessons can be hard to learn and I'm sure Chloe will still resist me being out of the room or not giving her my undivided attention the whole time. Another way this point was demonstrated to me today was when we were coming down the stairs after Chloe's nap. I was several stairs down from her and she started to muck around which she knows will get her attention. I didn't see exactly what happened but she fell down a few steps. I stopped her but she still banged her shoulder and was a bit shocked by the fall. Without sounding harsh I was quite pleased that she'd had a bit of a scare because I'm sure she'll learn not to play on the stairs from this, much more than me just saying ' no' all the time.
I could come up with some cheesy parallels in the way God teaches lessons but I'm sure you can work them out for yourselves!
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