Playing together

I think a challenging aspect of parenting which seems to only get more difficult, is finding quality time to spend with children. I don't mean going exciting places together (soft play, swimming, days out) but just playing together at home. Chloe is constantly asking me 'Will you play with me?' I also am very aware that I haven't been as good at sitting down with Livia, as I was when Chloe was that age.

It is true that life has changed and a lot of the time, I just can't. There's washing, meals, shopping, life admin and errands to run. Now I am working 3 days a week, most of those jobs are packed into the other 2 days of the working week. I am also tired and sometimes need a sit down! I can reason that it's good for the girls to get used to playing by themselves.

But if I get into a pattern of not sitting and playing something they have chosen to play (even it involves crawling around the floor as a dog), I really notice the change in our relationship. Like it or not, I give out the message that I'm not interested in them. Our relationship becomes a series of instructions and a few questions: what did you do at school? Did you play with anyone new? Did you like your lunch? I'm very unlikely to get a response. 

Behaviour starts to deteriorate as the girls try other ways at getting my attention. Often when Chloe gets into whiny, stroppy mode, I am tempted to give her a time out in her room to calm down. I am starting to realise that this is not the right response to a little girl who is simply craving some quality time with mummy.

When I do make time for the girls, strange things happen, like Chloe suddenly telling me all about a game she played in the playground or a new song she's learnt ('please and thank you, we must say!'). I get to see into her mind a little more. I also learn things about Livia I didn't know, such as the fact that she can copy her sister's ballet moves or that she really enjoys playing mums and babies.

These times are so precious and fun, and yet I still say, 'mummy's busy', so often when Chloe asks to play. I needed to write this down so that I am reminded more that I must make playing together a priority. It makes life so much easier and our family so much happier.

Don't leave me.

I think we might have hit a bit of a wall this weekend. Chloe has trotted off to school for the last few weeks with very little fuss. She has started at the breakfast club a couple of morning a week and has been round a friend's house when I couldn't pick her up because of work commitments. She was tackling it all in her usual confident way until the end of last week.

On Friday I took Chloe to a ballet class which she has just begun (but went to a few taster classes last term and loved it). When it came to leaving her in the room, she clung to my leg and point blank refused to let me go. I had to stay in the room and Chloe wouldn't leave my side, dissolving into tears when she was encouraged into the circle of other girls. It was really unnerving for me, as I'm just not used to dealing with a 'clingy' child (not keen on that word, as it I feel it demeans how the child is feeling. But you know what I mean). 

I wondered if it was to do with the ballet lesson and whether something negative happened last week. However the same thing happened when we came to leave her at Children's Work at church. This was even more surprising, as we've been leaving her in crèche/children's work at church since she was only 6ish months old.

Again, at school this morning, Chloe dug her heels in and refused to budge when I encouraged her to go into the classroom.  She begged me 'not to leave' her and it was so sad to see the tears in her eyes. The teaching assistants helped but I think they have a tactic of not fussing too much and being quite matter-of-fact, which can feel a little unsympathetic. I watched her walk into the cloakroom and then forced myself to leave before I made it harder.

A few hours later I had a call from the school to say that Chloe had developed a temperature and was refusing to eat and saying she felt poorly. I quickly picked her up and she's had a duvet afternoon. 

There's no denying she is sick, as she is burning up and shivery. I am really hoping that the 'clingy-ness' was because of going down with something. It is very hard to leave your child somewhere when you know they just want you. I think the basic mother instinct is to want to protect and cuddle when your child is feeling vulnerable. Chloe has also made a few comments about worrying what other children think of her which breaks my heart a little. This change is hard! 

In not really knowing how to handle this new school-stage and all it's challenges, I am so pleased that I can trust my great big God to deal with it. He has Chloe safe when she is at school and will put good people around her. I am especially thankful for two lovely friends she has at school, especially the friend she visited last week. I treasure up these positive thoughts and remind myself of then when worry starts to creep in. 

Hopefully Chloe will be well enough to go back tomorrow.

School run

(Some very quick reflections on the morning school run. Written in haste, so don't judge too harshly 😊 )

The alarm calling everyone from sleep;

Gratefully gulping down hot tea,

Encouraging breakfast into sleepy mouths.

Arms pushing into the wrong holes;

Saying, 'the logo at the front!'

Jumping in and out of showers,

Clinging hair left damp on shoulders.

Checking, rechecking: bottle, book-bag;

Worrying, is there anything else?

Rushing out, hurrying, through the uniforms, the pushchairs, the gossiping.

Then, dress flying, heels kicking,

Quick kissing and waving,

See you later, little one.

First days

Hi guys. I want to be honest with you and say that in finding it quite tricky to blog at the moment. Work, house stuff, being a mummy/wife and getting used to Chloe being at school is taking it's toll. But I love this blog and I know I will regret not recording these things so I'm going to persevere! However I do apologise if the posts are a little less frequent than normal.

Anyhoo, on with talking about our exciting week. Chloe started school on Tuesday; it was just afternoons this week with half the children who will be in her class. She was so on edge all morning, really excited and hyper; it was almost a shame we had to wait until 12.30! Somehow it still ended up being a rush, giving her lunch and then changing her into the uniform and taking photos. I managed to forget her wellies, which she needs for the sandpit, and had to make a U-turn and come back home.

I'm so happy that J managed to get a half day at work so we could meet him by the school and take Chloe in together. We took some more photos outside the school and then queued up with everyone else to go into the classroom. As we went in, the headteacher was standing outside and welcomed us, which was really nice. Siena put a name tag on and found her coat peg (with her name and picture of a dog!), tucking her wellies under the bench. The teaching assistant who came to our house on Monday then took her hand and we kissed her goodbye. And then she disappeared into the classroom! I got a bit tearful, especially when I saw some of the mums crying. It just felt such a momentous moment. It was nice to have J holding my hand :)

The rest of the week has gone smoothly. Chloe has been perfectly happy going in to school each time and we have heard snippets of what she has been up to. The only wobble she's had was one evening when she was upset about having a little accident at school (thankfully nothing anyone would notice) because the teacher had said 'no more questions' and she thought that meant she couldn't ask to go to the toilet. But since then she has informed me that she has used the toilet at school, so hopefully it won't be so much of an issue now.

The main things I'm finding slightly difficult about school, is the not-knowing. I wish I could have a complete itinerary of what she has been up to or be a fly on the wall. There is the option to go in and help eventually, but that will be tricky with Livia. I want to know who her friends are, what she enjoys doing, if anything happened which upset her etc. But I am also very conscious of not asking too many questions and having the classics, 'So what did you do at school today?' 'Nothing' conversations.

I am also feeling slightly awkward at the school gates. I want to get to know the other mums but it can be tricky when you have this limited time before the children come out and some of them know each other from having older children/other connections. I know a couple of people from preschool but not very well. I'm trying not to make too much of it, as this is Chloe's new experience and it's not about me. But it would be great to get to know some of the other mums, so this is a prayer point for me.

Overall I'm so glad this first week has been a positive experience. Chloe has been so brave and enthusiastic. I'm so very proud of her and excited to see what adventures she has at school.

Wobbles

A funny thing happened yesterday. I was scrolling through Facebook and one of my friends had 'liked' a poem about starting school. It was one of those very soppy, emotional poems that seem to be so popular on Facebook (not normally something I would bother with!). But because it was to do with school, I thought I'd have a read. Halfway through and I had tears streaming down my face! J was completely bemused (and found it a little funny!) when I had to have a cuddle at the end, full on crying at this point!

I have been fairly laid back about Chloe starting school. I'm sure that's probably come across in the blog. I'm not naturally a 'clingy' mum. I'm quite happy to put my trust in others to look after my girls and believe it's good to have time apart sometimes. I also love education and can't wait to see how Chloe explores her potential and grows through school. However this poem made me think about things which I hadn't dwelt on before. It was written addressed to the teacher and asked questions like: who will cuddle her when she's sad? Who will help her when she can't cut up her food? Who will patiently explain when she doesn't understand? Who will listen to her when someone has been mean? (As a side note, this really challenged me as a teacher too. Especially as we have so many boarders who have no parents around).

It really struck me that Chloe is going to have to be a lot more independent. She won't have me there to keep her company and watch out for her all day. There are going to be another 29 children all in the same position as her and it will be impossible for her teacher/teaching assistants to give her the same attention I have been able to give her. The thought of her feeling upset or confused and not being there to help is a really sad one!

Anyway, that was last night. Since then we've had our home visit with her teacher and a teaching assistant. I did mention a few of these worries and her teacher was so reassuring. They were both lovely and I fully trust them to care for Chloe. Although it's hard to let go a little sometimes, I know that Chloe will learn good lessons through sorting out her own problems sometimes or needing to wait for help. I cannot and should not protect her from these things forever.

Most importantly I know that God is going with her into school. I'm going to make sure we pray together before her first session tomorrow. I feel reassured that Chloe has a strong belief in God protecting her.

Looking forward to tomorrow, eek!

(Photo shows the cakes Chloe made for her teachers for the home visit!)

School!

Ok so we have definitely been feeling that 'back to school' time of year in our house. I started back teaching this week and Chloe begins her first year in reception next week (ohmygoodness). We've been rushing round buying everything she'll need and organising the last minute practicalities of her being in part time to start.

My return to work this week has been quite exhausting and a little stressful. I had to go in for an extra day for inset, so that now takes me to four days. It has felt like a lot of time away from my babies and I'm not keen to do it too often! The good points have been lovely classes and nice catching up with friends. But generally I'm not keen on the start of the year. I much prefer work when I'm settled and know what I'm doing. For example a large part of one of my classes today was a video and questions relating to it. But could I work the sound in a new classroom?? No. Thankfully the girls I teach are much better at technology than me and got it going eventually. Phew.

I'm very excited to report back to you after Chloe's first days at school. She is really looking forward to it and so I just want it to hurry up now! I love seeing her embarking on new adventures.