Autumn love

I'm really enjoying autumn today. I love the bright, orangey, low-lying sun. The light at this time of year is so nice. And the way it lights up the leaves on the trees: love love love. I actually really enjoy it getting dark early. I like getting home and putting the lights and the heating on and snuggling down for the evening. I like seeing the Christmas lights going on and the shop lights spilling out onto the streets. 

Bed

Don't you love that feeling when you crawl into bed and under the covers and your body feels like it's sinking into the mattress? When you feel all heavy and like you're already tipping towards sleep the moment your head hits the pillow. And the knowledge that the day is done and you can now rest! Ahh I love it so much.

Night night x

Shy?

I'm feeling a bit sad today. I feel like the little girl I knew from the summer has really changed and I'm not sure in a good way. I was always secretly pleased and proud that Chloe was the sort of girl to confidently go into any situation. She would talk to grown-up she didn't know; she would make friends with children at the park; I remember sharing with you about her first ballet lesson when she wouldn't let any of the others get a word in edgeways. Now I feel like that little girl has almost gone.

We went to a party at the weekend for one of her school friends and nearly the whole class was there too. They had hired an older male entertainer for the party. He was teasing the children (and parents too!) and doing things like whacking them on the head with a plastic mallet. Chloe was not keen at all; I had to drag her inside and then she wouldn't leave my side for the first half of the party. Eventually I persuaded her when I went off to get a cup of tea but she still wouldn't dance around as freely as the other children and looked quite awkward in the middle of it all. 

I tried to chat the other mums and not make a big deal of it but inside my heart was fluttering for her. I don't feel like I know this girl who feels so vulnerable. It makes me tearful to think about her looking so uncomfortable. If it is her personality to be shy or a bit withdrawn, then of course I love her, no matter what. I always want her to know that she can be herself and I won't pressure her to be anyone else. But if there is something making her feel scared or nervous or self-conscious then that's not a good thing. 

I feel a bit helpless and unsure how to encourage her. I didn't know at the party if I should try tough love or if I should indulge her knowing that she truly didn't want to join in. I'm also aware that I am probably overreacting once again and I just need to relax and realise it's only been a few months since she started school. Again, I am thankful to my Heavenly Father as he watches over Chloe in everything she does and can give her confidence and peace in new situations. 

What people like about me

Part of Chloe's homework this week was for PSHE. We had to help the children fill in a sheet with questions about themselves. The first question was: 'what do people like about you and what I like about myself.' I was intrigued to see what Chloe would say and decided to chat about it over dinner (as this was the only chance I was going to get!).

Chloe took a while to answer but eventually said 'my colourful summer dresses.' I smiled and nodded and asked if there was anything else. She said, 'and my coat' (a girl in Chloe's class recently said she liked her coat and since then, she's been mad on it!). I pushed again but still got only clothes!

When I explained that the question meant more the way she acts or the way she is, rather than how she looks, Chloe came up with some nice things. Like the way she makes pretty pictures for people. Or invites people to her house. They weren't really attributes, more acts of kindness.

This got me thinking; should I be concerned about Chloe immediately suggesting that it was her physical appearance which people liked about her? In previous posts, I have mentioned that I try to comment on her personality and praise her with specific aspects of her behaviour, rather than always saying  that she's 'beautiful' or 'gorgeous'. I've often told her that she's good at sharing or kind or clever. But it seem that it's the 'pretty' comments that have stuck!

I'm not too worried. I figure that it's more because children don't think in terms of abstract concepts. It is easier for them to think of things they do for others or which they own. But I will step up the efforts to reward behaviour and aspects of her personality, instead of putting emphasis on appearance. To me this seems like such an important grounding!

Outcomes

There was a really good message in my devotional a couple of days ago and it's stuck with me so I'm going to share it. It was all about leaving outcomes up to God and not being so concerned with how things will turn out. Instead changing our focus towards the journey and being excited about how God will reveal himself through the difficulties and trials being faced.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! 

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Psalms 27:13-14

There's something inspiring about being excited in the waiting. It's such a worldy thing to worry and stress about the present. And it's so novel to throw off thinking about outcomes and concentrate on just living in the moment. The last few days have been a bit testing for us, as a few concerns have been raised about our planned extension. They may mean more waiting and cost or they may mean not being able to do it. It's disappointing, well more than disappointing because we only bought this house as it had the potential to extend (the neighbours have all done it!). Anyway, I'm not going to be in constant fear about the outcome. God knows and that's enough.

Responsibilities

I'm beginning to realise the new responsibilities that come with having a child at primary school. Suddenly there is a PTA to support, letters to reply to in time, events at school to remember and arranging play dates. There is also practising the letter that is set each day (homework). Trying to fit this in after school when everyone is a bit tired and grumpy and dinner needs cooking etc is hard! I can't imagine what it will be like with 'proper homework'!

We had Chloe's parents' evening this week and all went well! We were able to discuss the few worries we had about friendships in the class and the teachers gave us a few targets for Chloe. These were things we can practice at home, including writing her numbers and recognising letters in words. It was so nice to see what she has been doing this year and hearing from the teachers the progress she's making. However it is a little daunting being given targets for her and knowing that we have a responsibility to help her be prepared for lessons at school, by doing work at home. It's not a big task really but I want to get it right! How do parents manage to keep track of 4+ children when they're all at school? 

Anyway, I'm feeling so happy about how Chloe is progressing and thankfully she has a natural interest in letters (and pleasing her teachers!). 

Starting out

This morning I was standing doing the washing up (which should have been done the night before). We hadn't had the best start to the day; Chloe started calling for us at half 6 (it's a Saturday) and then wouldn't stay quiet, which then woke her sister. We didn't handle it particularly well either. So I was feeling a bit grumpy, as I tried to scrub the dried on food from the plates from the night before.

To make things more interesting I thought I would put on some worship songs. In enjoying Jesus Culture songs at the moment. I was listening and singing along a bit and then I noticed out of the window some movement. At the end of our garden in the train line, but before you get to that there is a steep slope with lots of tall trees (if you couldn't hear the trains, you can imagine it's just forest beyond). The movement was two squirrels jumping in the trees beyond our garden. They were chasing each other up and down, leaping impressive distances and only just catching the next branches.

It was an unexpected moment when you feel God's presence. I am such a believer of God revealing himself in nature and having that special couple of minutes, listening to truth about God and watching his creation, makes me feel 'back on track' for the rest of the day. Very thankful for it!