...can't wait for you child to go to bed but then can't wait to wake them in the morning.
...look forward to evenings or days out and then spend the whole time talking or thinking about your child.
...love family time all together but then long to have a moment to yourself.
...wish your child could be a bit more like X's child but at the same time think your child is the best!
...get extremely bored of soft play/the park/going for walks but will go there on a regular basis because you love how excited and happy they make your child.
...want your child to progress to the next milestone (crawling, walking, talking etc) but then feel sad they are growing up.
...in the same day can say, "She's so frustrating, I just want cry!" but also, "She's so amazing, I just want to cry!".
Monday, February 27, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Identity
When you become a parent, especially a mum, I don't think you ever realise how all-consuming having a child is! It is so hard to switch off and when your children are around you end up giving everyone else only half your attention. For me this has been a struggle, as sometimes I just want to 'switch off'. Even when Chloe is sleeping I still feel the responsibility of getting things done before she wakes and being alert to when she cries. It is easy to feel like your identity has been lost and you are no longer the person you were before. Your needs are now second and you live to please this little person who has taken over your life (or that's how it feels!).
I have found that it is so important to cling onto your interests, hobbies, friends - things that aren't 'baby-related'. I believe that it does not make you a good mum to do nothing apart from care for your children. Children learn hobbies and interests from their parents and it is good for them to see that they aren't the only thing in your world. I was thinking this today as I had a leisurely cup of tea in the staffroom at work. And then again when I was showing a video to a class on the amphitheatre and discussing Roman gladiators which the girls all loved! I am so happy that I have found a job I love that can be flexible enough to work around my family. Having 'me' time and a chance to switch off from baby things is so refreshing and it is a joy to then come home and be greeted by my little pickle :)
The whole going back to work question can be a tricky one and sometimes parents are forced back to jobs they don't enjoy because of necessity. But this post is more about the importance of getting away and being 'you' rather than 'mum'. So date nights, evenings with friends, days out etc. Time with family is very precious but I believe that those times are made even better by discovering your own personality and interests again and being able to share those with your children. So watch out Chloe - you'll be learning Latin very soon!
I have found that it is so important to cling onto your interests, hobbies, friends - things that aren't 'baby-related'. I believe that it does not make you a good mum to do nothing apart from care for your children. Children learn hobbies and interests from their parents and it is good for them to see that they aren't the only thing in your world. I was thinking this today as I had a leisurely cup of tea in the staffroom at work. And then again when I was showing a video to a class on the amphitheatre and discussing Roman gladiators which the girls all loved! I am so happy that I have found a job I love that can be flexible enough to work around my family. Having 'me' time and a chance to switch off from baby things is so refreshing and it is a joy to then come home and be greeted by my little pickle :)
The whole going back to work question can be a tricky one and sometimes parents are forced back to jobs they don't enjoy because of necessity. But this post is more about the importance of getting away and being 'you' rather than 'mum'. So date nights, evenings with friends, days out etc. Time with family is very precious but I believe that those times are made even better by discovering your own personality and interests again and being able to share those with your children. So watch out Chloe - you'll be learning Latin very soon!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Who's the boss?
One of the biggest challenges for me in being a mum, is the balance between child-centered parenting and self-centered parenting. I will explain more what I mean in a minute but these are the extremes of two styles of parenting which are the polar opposites of each other and need to be avoided! I think every parent must be guilty of being child-centered or self-centered at some points.
This is what the extremes of these two types of parenting look like:
Child-centered...
I think secular society is really leaning towards this way of thinking at the moment.. New approaches such as attachment parenting, on-demand-feeding and baby-led weaning are all leaning towards letting children make decisions (not that any of these are bad in themselves, they can just lead you down a slippery slope). Being in education means that I have learnt all about pupil-centered classrooms and the importance of tailoring education to the needs of pupils. There is a general feeling that children should come first. There is a lot of truth in these approaches but it can lead to difficulties.
A family that is too child-centered would look like this: parents turning down invitations to lots of events due to them not fitting with nap times, or worrying that the children may misbehave. Families where the day starts as soon as the children are awake (even if it's the crack of dawn!). Allowing children to have their way and giving into demands easily, such as sleeping in your bed or being overly picky with food. Children who interupt conversations and their parents immediately turn to listen to them. Child-centeredness leads to a child run household where parents are there to serve their children! I know that I have been guilty of this. Sometimes the needs of our children, especially babies, seem so overwhelming that we believe that they will be most blessed by our rushing to fulfil their every need as soon as they require us.
Self-centered...
This is the opposite of child-centered, where we believe that a child should fit in with our lives and that nothing should change in our priorities and routines. Again there is some good in this - children should understand that they are part of a family, that they do not rule the roost and that their parents are not there to entertain and please them 24 hours a day. However children do change your lives and they require you to make changes whether you like it or not.
A family that is too self-centered might look like this: parents keeping their children up late so they can see them after work even though they have to be up early for nursery. Dragging a toddler to coffee shops, to houses where they can't roam and explore and then scolding them for misbehaving because they are bored. Having no routine and not trying to have a quiet time for naps so their children can rest. Having unrealistic expectations of your child at their developmental age e.g. - expecting a toddler to sit quietly through church or not to touch something that has been left in their reach.
I think a happy medium needs to be reached that teaches the child that their needs are recognised and valued but that they aren't the centre of their parents' world and that they can't demand whatever they want whenever they want it. None of the things I have listed above are too terrible if they only happen occasionally; it's more if it creates a culture of child-centeredness or self-centeredness in families. I have definitely expected too much of Chloe and been selfish in our activities sometimes. But I have also sometimes turned down invitations because I've thought it might be too much for Chloe when she probably would have adapted. As a parent you have to watch your own decisions and be open to the honest judgement of people around you.
I hope by out-lining these two dangers, I might have helped other parents avoid these pitfalls! PJ Smyth from Godfirst Church has written more on child-centered parenting if you are interested.
This is what the extremes of these two types of parenting look like:
Child-centered...
I think secular society is really leaning towards this way of thinking at the moment.. New approaches such as attachment parenting, on-demand-feeding and baby-led weaning are all leaning towards letting children make decisions (not that any of these are bad in themselves, they can just lead you down a slippery slope). Being in education means that I have learnt all about pupil-centered classrooms and the importance of tailoring education to the needs of pupils. There is a general feeling that children should come first. There is a lot of truth in these approaches but it can lead to difficulties.
A family that is too child-centered would look like this: parents turning down invitations to lots of events due to them not fitting with nap times, or worrying that the children may misbehave. Families where the day starts as soon as the children are awake (even if it's the crack of dawn!). Allowing children to have their way and giving into demands easily, such as sleeping in your bed or being overly picky with food. Children who interupt conversations and their parents immediately turn to listen to them. Child-centeredness leads to a child run household where parents are there to serve their children! I know that I have been guilty of this. Sometimes the needs of our children, especially babies, seem so overwhelming that we believe that they will be most blessed by our rushing to fulfil their every need as soon as they require us.
Self-centered...
This is the opposite of child-centered, where we believe that a child should fit in with our lives and that nothing should change in our priorities and routines. Again there is some good in this - children should understand that they are part of a family, that they do not rule the roost and that their parents are not there to entertain and please them 24 hours a day. However children do change your lives and they require you to make changes whether you like it or not.
A family that is too self-centered might look like this: parents keeping their children up late so they can see them after work even though they have to be up early for nursery. Dragging a toddler to coffee shops, to houses where they can't roam and explore and then scolding them for misbehaving because they are bored. Having no routine and not trying to have a quiet time for naps so their children can rest. Having unrealistic expectations of your child at their developmental age e.g. - expecting a toddler to sit quietly through church or not to touch something that has been left in their reach.
I think a happy medium needs to be reached that teaches the child that their needs are recognised and valued but that they aren't the centre of their parents' world and that they can't demand whatever they want whenever they want it. None of the things I have listed above are too terrible if they only happen occasionally; it's more if it creates a culture of child-centeredness or self-centeredness in families. I have definitely expected too much of Chloe and been selfish in our activities sometimes. But I have also sometimes turned down invitations because I've thought it might be too much for Chloe when she probably would have adapted. As a parent you have to watch your own decisions and be open to the honest judgement of people around you.
I hope by out-lining these two dangers, I might have helped other parents avoid these pitfalls! PJ Smyth from Godfirst Church has written more on child-centered parenting if you are interested.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Learning from the best
As a family we visited my grandparents this weekend. I absolutely love going to stay at my grandparents as it brings back memories of childhood, we get thoroughly spoiled with good food, they are amazing with Chloe and it's such a comforting place to be. My Granny is such a great example of a traditional mother - cooks everything from scratch and it's delicious, has an immaculate house which she is obviously very proud of, doesn't feel the need to change things that are old if they work fine but at the same time buys quality and looks after it. The sense of their house is so homely and that's what I really want to learn from her.
In contrast when we got home the house was in chaos from our rush to get everything ready for the weekend! I had also neglected a few jobs that should have been done before, like cleaning up the muddy prints in the hall from all the slushy snow! I had a tearful moment of feeling like I'll never live up to my granny's example but then motivated myself to get the jobs done. After sweeping, mopping, scrubbing the kitchen and doing a load of washing I feel much better. If you don't ever start the job then it will never get done!
I know it seems strange to blog about housework but it is such a large part of being a mum. I think it's important to take a godly view of it and understand the impact it has on family and anyone else coming into the house. If Chloe or her children (!) love being in my house as much as I love going to my grandparents then I'll know I've learnt from the best.
PS - My mum is also very tidy (she never sits down!) but it's my Granny who has inspired this post.
In contrast when we got home the house was in chaos from our rush to get everything ready for the weekend! I had also neglected a few jobs that should have been done before, like cleaning up the muddy prints in the hall from all the slushy snow! I had a tearful moment of feeling like I'll never live up to my granny's example but then motivated myself to get the jobs done. After sweeping, mopping, scrubbing the kitchen and doing a load of washing I feel much better. If you don't ever start the job then it will never get done!
I know it seems strange to blog about housework but it is such a large part of being a mum. I think it's important to take a godly view of it and understand the impact it has on family and anyone else coming into the house. If Chloe or her children (!) love being in my house as much as I love going to my grandparents then I'll know I've learnt from the best.
PS - My mum is also very tidy (she never sits down!) but it's my Granny who has inspired this post.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Snow!
We've had so much fun in the snow this morning. It's great to be able to make use of the green at the end of our road. Chloe just ran and ran and ran! She doesn't really understand making snowmen yet and refuses to touch the snow but she likes kicking it in her wellies. Chloe also looks rather gorgeous in her waterproof all-in-one, spotty wellies, hat and gloves awww.
Snow is one of those things that is suddenly really exciting again after having a child. It's like you get to see everything through a child's eyes again. I think Disney films, soft-play, Christmas, the sea-side etc are all like this too. You may not be able to do all the things you used to do after having children but you get to enjoy lots of kiddy things again!
Snow is one of those things that is suddenly really exciting again after having a child. It's like you get to see everything through a child's eyes again. I think Disney films, soft-play, Christmas, the sea-side etc are all like this too. You may not be able to do all the things you used to do after having children but you get to enjoy lots of kiddy things again!
Friday, February 3, 2012
Happiness!
I really feel like life is going well at the moment. I love my job and feel challenged and stimulated by it. Chloe is at a fun age and is growing into a beautiful, lively, smiley and strong-willed (!) little girl. I love to see her dancing, being 'mum' to her dolly, shouting 'DADDY!' everytime someone comes to the door and interacting with everyone and everything around her (at this moment she is currently wrapping herself up in my scarf!). Being a mum is such a rewarding job. I suppose if it wasn't then no-one would bother, as it's such hard work too. I feel like God is blessing us so much and I'm doing that awful thing where you wonder what is going to come along to spoil it!
'no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.' Psalm 84:11
I love this verse because it reminds me that there is no limit on God's blessings. He doesn't give you a certain amount and then deliver you with some bad news to even things up. I need to trust my Father that he is a parent like me (and much better!) who wants his children to flourish and be blessed. I also know that it is a fact of this life that there will be challenges and hard times but I don't need to feel any less happy because God is with me in it all and he should be my everything and my security.
Another Psalm helps remind me of this - 'I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” Psalm 16:2
Whilst I love my house, my job, our finances working out, my beautiful daughter and my wonderful husband, I know my life should be founded on God. Everything else could pass away but his steadfast love remains. Hallelujah!
'no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.' Psalm 84:11
I love this verse because it reminds me that there is no limit on God's blessings. He doesn't give you a certain amount and then deliver you with some bad news to even things up. I need to trust my Father that he is a parent like me (and much better!) who wants his children to flourish and be blessed. I also know that it is a fact of this life that there will be challenges and hard times but I don't need to feel any less happy because God is with me in it all and he should be my everything and my security.
Another Psalm helps remind me of this - 'I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” Psalm 16:2
Whilst I love my house, my job, our finances working out, my beautiful daughter and my wonderful husband, I know my life should be founded on God. Everything else could pass away but his steadfast love remains. Hallelujah!
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