Names!

I have developed a bit of an obession recently: I cannot stop thinking about baby names and I'm not even pregnant again! I don't remember being like this even when pregnant with Chloe, although we had decided on her name long before we planned her. I'm sad that I can't put the story of her name on here (as I'm still trying to maintain some degree of anonymity by not using her proper name - see About Me details for reasons for this).

I love creating lists of names that I like. I have had a list since I was in my mid-teens, although they have changed a lot since then ha! I remember liking names like 'Ethan' and 'Callie' and many from American tv shows which I watched. Now I have a long excel spreadsheet with names for boys and girls. I think the difference with planning for our next child is that we don't have a stand-out name for either a boy or a girl and that bothers me. I will like a name for a week or two and then really dislike it. What would happen if you had already named your child and then decided you didn't like it? I don't know anyone who has changed their baby's name but I have read about it on other baby blogs/forums. I will keep looking for names which I really love.

The types of names I like are either 'granny/grandad' chic or unusual but familiar modern names. I'll give you some examples for these two catergories (but only names we won't be using!).

Granny/grandad chic - Arthur, Agnes, Edwin, Elsa (I seem to like vowel names in this catergory).

Unusual but familiar modern - Keaton, Harrison, Luca, Seren, Solene, Tierney

I also really like French or Italian names as you can probably see from some of my choices.

Types of names I'm not keen on (for our children, not on other people's!) are made up names, names which are spelt a strange way just to make them seem different (e.g. - Caytee or Emilea!) and I'm also not very keen on Biblical names for the simple reason as I know lots of people who have called their children after Biblical character and it feels a bit like 'jumping on the bandwagon' if you see what I mean! This is a shame as there are some Biblical names I really like.

A YouTube vlog I've really enjoyed in by Anastasia Ruby, who gives lots of lovely (but sometimes very out there!) ideas. But then I do have a weird obsession so most people probably wouldn't enjoy this as much as me.

The importance of friendship

I have had a really lovely morning, meeting up with some on my antenatal friends and their babies. I'm so happy we've managed to keep in touch, even though we don't meet as frequently as we did. It's very reassuring to know people with children the same age as yours - you can compare issues, encourage eachother and offer advice and the children can entertain each other! We go regularly to a church cafe which is very child-friendly with lots of toys and a large area for them to play. I wish there were more places like this! I am hoping that when my church gets its own building  we could do something similar - such a blessing to the community.

Chloe was in an extra cute mood, which was lovely for mummy! She was playing really well, not running off, being kind and gentle to her friends, say please and thank you; in other words making me very proud. These are the days I need to hold in my mind when she isn't in such an obliging mood and realise that all the disciplining is so that Chloe grows into a beautiful, polite, kind little girl like she was this morning.

When we were leaving I told Chloe to say goodbye to her friends. To her this means giving out kisses so she went round kissing each toddler and their mums. A funny moment was when she went to kiss one of the boys and another boy she had just kissed ran up and got in between them for another kiss! Being fought over already haha! I love how affectionate Chloe is.

Can you tell I'm in a good mood?!

Young children and church!

This topic is fresh in my mind after a rather stressful morning at church yesterday! And when I say 'church' in the title I am talking more about Sunday morning church services. If I'm completely honest they have become a bit like work recently. J and I both serve on set-up teams and we have decided to just take one car so we always seem to have to be there early! This takes a huuuge effort to get everything ready for Chloe in time and we will normally be running a little late which then causes tension. I am also responsible for creche so there is the added pressure of making sure all the toys are out and the people running creche are at church and realise they are on that Sunday. If they aren't there then I have to step in. I'm not trying to impress anyone with this list of responsibilities - there are many people who do much more than we do - but giving you an idea of how it can be a very stressful morning.

Then when we actually get to the service, it seems like a battle trying to get Chloe to behave enough in order to enjoy the worship. No matter how many toys, books, crayons etc we have, it is much more fun to run around, make noise and crash into people's legs! I really miss engaging in worship and I think J and I need to work harder at taking it in turns to enjoy worship toddler-free. (As a side note, there are several people at church who I am MASSIVELY grateful to for entertaining Chloe for us during worship - you are lifesavers!). When Chloe goes to creche it is lovely because we know she is having a great time with her friends and we can listen to the preach without distraction. However it is very difficult to respond to any calls to prayer afterwards due to needing to collect Chloe from the creche or to set-down.

All of the above sounds very self-pitying and I can often feel like this! But this is such a mistake and leads to a very negative experience of church. I have realised that part of my negative thinking comes from the belief that everyone is watching to see how we handle Chloe's excitable behaviour at church and judging us if she seems a bit wild! Yesterday it was Mother's Day and we had teaching on motherhood. One of the women speaking said that often there is more pressure being in a church community. I can definitely see this - we have higher expectations of our children and therefore there is a greater pressure when we are around other Christians for our children to behave! Being completely honest, I can feel embaressed to the point of tears when Chloe refuses to do what we say and seems to be distracting everyone around when they are trying to worship. I want everyone to love her like I do and I would hate people to have a negative view of my daughter or label her as 'difficult'.

This thinking is so wrong however! If we are truly a church family then we accept eachother as we are and we all have a responsibility to children in the church. At Chloe's dedication the church promised to help with raising Chloe and I think that should take the pressure off parents for their children to 'perform' at church, as everyone is a 'god-parent' to the children. It is easy to feel isolated as a parent and daunted by the responsibility of raising children but our church family should be there for support and help. They aren't there to judge or condemn (or they shouldn't be).

I have had no evidence of people judging Chloe - if anything I only get wonderful comments about her. So I know I should snap out of putting her and myself down and accept that life will be a bit chaotic while we go through the toddler years. We can only do our best and give the rest to God.

High expectations and buckets of grace

If you have children already or probably even more if you don't but want a family some day, I would suggest that we all have high expectations of the values that will be important for our family. We read a book when I was pregnant which got us to write down all the values that would be important to us. The top ones were all about being loved and accepted no matter what. Immediately after were values like treating others with respect, being obedient straight away, sharing and being generous with people who come to our house and displaying Jesus to people wherever we go.

When you have your baby you can still have these high expectations for how family life will be - a little baby still seems so mouldable (is that a word?!). I'm discovering that as that baby enters the toddler years you start to wonder whether those expectations are realistic! I certainly can't claim that Chloe is obedient straight away at the moment! It has made me think about whether those expectations are too much and whether I should settle for something less. Having high expectations is tiring, as you have to work very hard to get anywhere close to them. It also puts a lot of pressure on your child and can make you view them in a bad light, especially when they always seem to fall short.

This sounds very negative but I think it's a big reality and one which can be hard to come to terms with. Children aren't born with the values you have for your family - you have to mould and teach them and that is hard work! Like most aspects of parenting, you can draw a parallel with God and us. He has very high expectations of us... but he also has 'grace upon grace' (John 1:16) for us. So we can learn from the best Father by not lowering our expectations for our children but by having buckets and buckets of grace! This can be very difficult but like anything that is hard I really believe that if God has charged you with looking after children then he will help you in this. As Chloe kicks and screams as I try to change her nappy God will give me the strength to love and forgive her!

Changes

Something that always seems to throw me and which has also surprised other mums I've spoken to is the fact that children change! I am very routine-based parent and I like knowing what Chloe is going to do during the day. So when she began to drop naps after I was happily into a good routine it was hard to adjust. I remember really enjoying Chloe's morning nap because it gave me a chance to get ready and showered. I miss those days! Now Chloe seems to be changing again and having much more of an opinion when it comes to what she eats or does during the day. Things she used to be good about like cleaning teeth she now point blank refuses! None of this should surprise me as she is heading for the terrible 2s after all! But every time Chloe changes it manages to catch me out. My baby is growing up and there's no going back!

Spring has sprung!

I've been feeling really happy this week and the main reason for this is the feeling that spring has arrived. In a week there seem to be daffodils everywhere & it is actually getting light when Chloe wakes at half 6 in the morning. The weather has generally been sunny and it helps you appreciate how beautiful God's creation is. I went on a bike ride with Chloe today as J was working. It was a bit scary because with the child seat on my bike the seat has to be really high so it's hard to touch the ground! I stuck to cycle paths & quiet roads but was still very nervous! I'm planning to use my bike more over the summer as petrol is getting so expensive. I think I'll be visiting my parents a lot when they get back from India & they live a 20 min walk away so it will be helpful to cycle some of the time.

Another thing which has made me happy is that Chloe is getting to the age where she understands enough that I can start to reason with her which makes everything easier! For example I can say 'eat some cucumber first & then you can have some crisps' or 'you can go on the slide one last time and then we need to go'. I am slightly amazed at how I can avert confrontation through communicating with Chloe. Toddlers are more reasonable than we think they are!

Having said that, I'm feeling a little nervous about church tomorrow as Chloe has been quite difficult the last few weeks. She loves the space & the attention from everyone which sends her a little hyper! It can be hard to cope with this especially as J is on support & needs to help put out chairs & then afterwards put it all away again. I know I have to have grace with Chloe & understand from her perspective. It's hard work though!