This is a confusing title but I'll explain... I've been thinking about what Chloe would think I value in her by what I say to other people, what I say to her and the way I treat her. I'm sure most of it probably goes over her head at the moment but I know some of it is being absorbed and as she gets older she will be shaped by the things I transmit to her (scary thought!). As I raise my children I want to instil godly values that will be healthy and encouraging to them.
So these are my thoughts so far:
I think at the moment I put too much emphasis on what Chloe looks like. I will call her 'beautiful', 'gorgeous', 'pretty' and when I'm talking to people, we will often spend time discussing her looks, especially her hair! Sometimes it's not always positive; for example I often complain about how wild her hair looks most of the time. I will talk about her continuing cradle cap, or the way her belly has started poking out a lot more! All of this is said with love (I am not worried about Chloe's weight btw, just joking how she's started liking her food a lot more) but I think it's placing too high a value on physical appearance. I obviously will keep calling her 'beautiful', as that's a lovely thing for a little girl to hear (and it's true!) but I would hate to think that she is admired just because of her looks.
Another trap I don't want to fall into is becoming a slave to children's fashion. I like to dress Chloe in nice clothes and I am quite particular about I put her in. However sometimes I feel the pressure to make her look 'trendy' and to compete with other mums I know who seem to have a limitless budget when it comes to clothes of their children! I always want to put Chloe's comfort first and if I think it looks nice then it shouldn't matter about anyone else. I know I need to be careful when I'm dressing Chloe, that I don't give false importance to what she wears. She shouldn't be defined by what she wears - especially when she is so young!
One last negative which I sometimes do find myself falling into, is labelling. When I was younger I was always labelled as 'shy' and 'quiet'. This has stayed with my into adult life and I have always thought of it as a negative quality that people look down on. I have become a lot more confident and I don't think it's as obvious anymore but I am naturally an introvert and not keen on being centre of attention (for some reason teaching is different!). I don't want Chloe to be labelled - I want her to be free to discover her personality without anyone implying that certain qualities are to be looked down on. If she is quiet then that is fine (this makes me smile because at the moment she is one of the loudest children I know!). The sort of labels I sometimes use at the moment - usually when she is having a bad day - are: grumpy, naughty, stroppy, pickle, loud, silly, crazy. This list doesn't sound very nice but it is so easy to say these words when you're in an irritable mood! eg - 'Stop touching the tv, you're very naughty', 'don't scream, you're so loud!', 'why are you jumping off the sofa? You are being crazy!' I think these should be avoided because calling your child 'naughty' or any of the others, is putting the thought in their head that they are that quality and limiting their ability to display better behaviour.
What are the values I want to communicate to Chloe then? I want her to know about Jesus and all he has done for her. And I want her to put others before herself. I know this is asking a lot from a toddler but if I keep repeating them enough and try to include those two fundamentals in all we do then she should pick it up quickly enough! I am planning on making a poster / piece of art / wall-hanging for her room which says: JOY - Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last.
I then want to show my love for her by praising godly qualities. So instead of 'You're a beautiful girl', I want to say 'You're a kind, thoughtful girl'. I want to go out of my way to praise behaviour that models Jesus' love eg - sharing food with a friend, helping to pack away toys, being polite and friendly etc.
Of course the best way to communicate values to children is to model them ourselves, so this is my first challenge. I love that being a Mum inspires me to love God more!
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