If you are a believer in Christ, don't you find that it is hard to keep a long term/ big picture view of your life? So, seeing your earthly life as only a small precursor to what is in store for us in heaven? It's so refreshing to suddenly come back to the realisation that this isn't all there is and my life isn't all about work/going to church/looking after Chloe/seeing friends etc. There is real meaning to my life!
We have recently been away on a Bible camp for 5 days (can you tell?!). I love times of being with my wider church family and having my horizons broadened. I think church can become very routine and sometimes events like these can break us out of this 'small' thinking. It's so thrilling to hear how God is working all over the place and then be inspired for what he can do back at home.
The best part for me was to introduce Chloe to an event like this. It's a new Bible camp for our church to go to and one that's really geared up for children. Next year she will be able to join the kids' work and I am excited for her to receive some teaching about God for herself. The community feel at Bible camps is great; in the mornings Chloe would be up and out saying 'morning!' to everyone who had emerged from their tents! She had fun getting to know some of the older children who were really kind and patient with her. There was no end of entertainment and people around with smiling faces willing to give time to my daughter and I LOVE that about the kingdom of God! Chloe also loved the meetings, which she came along to for the worship time. She was clapping and dancing and very excited when her favourite song 'Happy Day' came on. What a great experience for her.
I am very aware that I need to take a long term view at Chloe's life and realise that the grace that Jesus has shown me is also for my daughter who is in just as much need of it. I want to do all I can to enable her to experience God's love and know him as her personal saviour. Experiences like this camp are really important for her but Chloe also needs to be in a household which radiates God's presence and where he is talked about often. J and I are still in the process of talking through how our family's spriritual life is going to work (times of family prayer, Bible study, memory verses etc) but I am determined that it will be a top priority. Those of you who know us have full permission to keep us accountable on this!
In God's big picture my parenting isn't just for Chloe's sake or to make me look good. It's to glorify my wonderful saviour and to lead my little one to her heavenly Father x
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Boundaries
Recently I've found myself in the situation a few times where I have been round someone's house or out with friends and I have corrected something Chloe has been doing which I don't approve of and the person I've been with has said. "Oh don't worry, she's fine" or something similar. This has always been very well-meaning but it misses the point a bit that it goes against family rules or something I see as important. On the other hand I have also been in the situation where a person has told me Chloe is doing something which needs correcting which I am perfectly fine about!
Along with this I always find it interesting to be around other families and see what rules they have which are different from our own. The most telling time I have found is meal times. I have friends who allow their children to wander around with food, friends who make their children wait at the dinner table until everyone is finished, friends who insist on cutlery, friends who allow eating with fingers, friends who don't allow talking with mouthful, friends who will offer alternatives if something isn't eaten, friends who refuse pudding if dinner isn't eaten etc etc etc! When I say I find it interesting, that is honestly true and I try very hard not to judge or think my way is better. Every family has their own family history and upbringing which plays into creating these 'boundaries' and it is such an individual thing.
(Just as an aside I thought it would be interesting to put our view on table discipline. Here is a list of current 'rules':
- Eat what you are given, no alternatives. A 'reasonable' effort must be made but the plate doesn't need to be finished in order to get pudding.
- No banging on the table, throwing food or dropping it on the floor. Some playing is allowed e.g. - pretending spaghetti is worms hehe!
- Say 'thank you' at the end of the meal. Chloe is allowed to get down before everyone is finished as we believe she is too young to sit and wait. She will normally ask to do this politely.
- Sit down when you are eating meals at the dinner table and no tv is allowed. I will encourage her to sit to eat snacks but I don't always enforce this unless it's something messy.
- Encouraged to use cutlery but if it's too difficult then fingers are allowed. Chloe is normally very good at using cutlery.
- We don't really expect her not to talk with mouthful or anything like that at this age. We figure there's plenty of time for more refined manners!)
That's more rules than I thought ha! I guess we try to take a middle of the line approach but I am sure that any parent reading this will have slightly different rules to us.
I find boundaries hard sometimes because I am not sure what is asking too much at Chloe's age and what she is ready for. I am so aware that life for toddlers can be really hard. They suddenly have all this new-found freedom and then they are told 'no' for almost everything they try to do. At the parenting course I was on they talked about picking your battles and avoiding having battles altogether. If you won't fight with your child then they can't battle against you. I think this is useful advice to an extent. Some battles are worth fighting but the other things are often so petty you can normally let them go.
A parenting book I own advises to choose rules which are based around protecting the child, other people and property from harm and try to let a lot of the other things go. I think this is helpful advice and it has come back to me frequently when I have been deciding how to respond in a situation. I would add that some rules and boundaries are more about 'manners' and these are still hugely important but maybe could be introduced over time rather than all at once.
I'm learning not to set the boundaries too closely or Chloe gets frustrated and we end up 'battling'. So I will let her get all the pegs out of the bag and spread them over the house (and later we will make a game out of collecting them!) and I will let her run around the house and shout and make noise (where else is she allowed to do this?!). I also think this is useful for children learning obedience, as if you have fewer rules I think they take you more seriously and are less likely to ignore you when it comes to the big things.
I don't want to always seem like I try and relate these posts back to God but I can see yet another parallel in this aspect of parenting in the way God parents us. God's boundaries are all for our own good or the good of others and sometimes we struggle to see that. We can think God is spoiling our fun or being too harsh with us, when really he is only trying to protect us or grow us to be more like him. How similar this is to the way our children must view all our rules! I will try and remember to look at situations from God's perspective and not my 'childish' perspective next time I think God is placing the boundaries too tightly around me.
Along with this I always find it interesting to be around other families and see what rules they have which are different from our own. The most telling time I have found is meal times. I have friends who allow their children to wander around with food, friends who make their children wait at the dinner table until everyone is finished, friends who insist on cutlery, friends who allow eating with fingers, friends who don't allow talking with mouthful, friends who will offer alternatives if something isn't eaten, friends who refuse pudding if dinner isn't eaten etc etc etc! When I say I find it interesting, that is honestly true and I try very hard not to judge or think my way is better. Every family has their own family history and upbringing which plays into creating these 'boundaries' and it is such an individual thing.
(Just as an aside I thought it would be interesting to put our view on table discipline. Here is a list of current 'rules':
- Eat what you are given, no alternatives. A 'reasonable' effort must be made but the plate doesn't need to be finished in order to get pudding.
- No banging on the table, throwing food or dropping it on the floor. Some playing is allowed e.g. - pretending spaghetti is worms hehe!
- Say 'thank you' at the end of the meal. Chloe is allowed to get down before everyone is finished as we believe she is too young to sit and wait. She will normally ask to do this politely.
- Sit down when you are eating meals at the dinner table and no tv is allowed. I will encourage her to sit to eat snacks but I don't always enforce this unless it's something messy.
- Encouraged to use cutlery but if it's too difficult then fingers are allowed. Chloe is normally very good at using cutlery.
- We don't really expect her not to talk with mouthful or anything like that at this age. We figure there's plenty of time for more refined manners!)
That's more rules than I thought ha! I guess we try to take a middle of the line approach but I am sure that any parent reading this will have slightly different rules to us.
I find boundaries hard sometimes because I am not sure what is asking too much at Chloe's age and what she is ready for. I am so aware that life for toddlers can be really hard. They suddenly have all this new-found freedom and then they are told 'no' for almost everything they try to do. At the parenting course I was on they talked about picking your battles and avoiding having battles altogether. If you won't fight with your child then they can't battle against you. I think this is useful advice to an extent. Some battles are worth fighting but the other things are often so petty you can normally let them go.
A parenting book I own advises to choose rules which are based around protecting the child, other people and property from harm and try to let a lot of the other things go. I think this is helpful advice and it has come back to me frequently when I have been deciding how to respond in a situation. I would add that some rules and boundaries are more about 'manners' and these are still hugely important but maybe could be introduced over time rather than all at once.
I'm learning not to set the boundaries too closely or Chloe gets frustrated and we end up 'battling'. So I will let her get all the pegs out of the bag and spread them over the house (and later we will make a game out of collecting them!) and I will let her run around the house and shout and make noise (where else is she allowed to do this?!). I also think this is useful for children learning obedience, as if you have fewer rules I think they take you more seriously and are less likely to ignore you when it comes to the big things.
I don't want to always seem like I try and relate these posts back to God but I can see yet another parallel in this aspect of parenting in the way God parents us. God's boundaries are all for our own good or the good of others and sometimes we struggle to see that. We can think God is spoiling our fun or being too harsh with us, when really he is only trying to protect us or grow us to be more like him. How similar this is to the way our children must view all our rules! I will try and remember to look at situations from God's perspective and not my 'childish' perspective next time I think God is placing the boundaries too tightly around me.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Update to yesterday's post
I thought it was important to record on here something which happened yesterday evening which seems so obviously God after what I was saying in the blog. After admitting that I should be content and feel hugely blessed with the things we do have and trusting that God will provide the rest, we had a phone call from my Grandparents last night saying that they want to give us their old fly screen tv! Could be coincidence but I'm thinking much more likely a blessing from our wonderful providing Father.
Monday, August 13, 2012
'But godliness with contentment is great gain' 1 Tim 6:6
I would normally say I am a fairly un-materialistic person. I'm not majorly fussed by gadgets or nice cars; I'm not the sort of person to try to climb the social-ladder. I think this is obvious by my lack of ambition when it comes to having a career too! My parents had a lot to do with this; instead of fancy cars or stretching to buy a bigger house, they spent their money on other things. We were certainly very privileged now I look back but money was used for 'living' (e.g. - clubs, driving lessons, uni, family experiences) not on 'things'.
However recently I feel like a spirit of discontent is creeping in. I have been to a few people's houses recently which are beautifully decorated, being extended or huuuge compared to our tiny little home. I have also caught myself looking at family-sized cars and thinking 'that would be nice as a next car' - J will tell you I am normally totally uninterested in cars. I have also spent time looking at how much a new TV would cost (we still don't have a flat screen), looking at revamping our kitchen and redecorating the living room!
I don't know where this sudden need to 'better' ourselves has come from and I know that God is challenging me in a big way about it. Having another child is not going to improve our finances and there are other changes coming soon in our lives which are also going to affect us (I should be able to talk about this soon). I need to get my head out of this worldly way of thinking and fix my eyes on Jesus and his plan for our lives. The verse in the title has spoke to me today; being godly and content are the things that are important in God's kingdom. I know that anything else that we need WILL be provided. Thank you God for blessing me so much, please teach me to be content in all situations.
However recently I feel like a spirit of discontent is creeping in. I have been to a few people's houses recently which are beautifully decorated, being extended or huuuge compared to our tiny little home. I have also caught myself looking at family-sized cars and thinking 'that would be nice as a next car' - J will tell you I am normally totally uninterested in cars. I have also spent time looking at how much a new TV would cost (we still don't have a flat screen), looking at revamping our kitchen and redecorating the living room!
I don't know where this sudden need to 'better' ourselves has come from and I know that God is challenging me in a big way about it. Having another child is not going to improve our finances and there are other changes coming soon in our lives which are also going to affect us (I should be able to talk about this soon). I need to get my head out of this worldly way of thinking and fix my eyes on Jesus and his plan for our lives. The verse in the title has spoke to me today; being godly and content are the things that are important in God's kingdom. I know that anything else that we need WILL be provided. Thank you God for blessing me so much, please teach me to be content in all situations.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Baby number two!
Our big news which we have announced in the last week is that we are expecting our second child - eeeek! I really wanted to blog about it earlier, as it has affected my day-to-day life so much already but it wouldn't have been fair on J to leak the secret before our 12 week scan. I'm feeling ok at the moment but get horribly tired in the evenings - I can barely force myself up the stairs at gone 10pm! I don't remember the tiredness being this bad with Chloe but then maybe it's because I didn't have a toddler demanding all my time and attention then.Emotions-wise, it definitely feels different being pregnant this time round. When we got the positive test we were just as excited (if not more because it had taken a little longer to conceive). As soon as the news had settled in, life just continued as normal! I didn't feel much different to start with and J and I are both so busy with our jobs and looking after Chloe that we didn't have much time to sit around and daydream about the new baby. I also feel like I know what I'm in for with the pregnancy and I'm not looking forward to it! I didn't cope well with the pregnancy last time and have to admit I don't really enjoy it. I feel convicted that this is an amazing gift from God and something which many couples long for, so I should feel very blessed and really enjoy it; it can be so difficult when you just feel sick and tired and heavy!
Having said all of that, when I do get a chance to stop and think about the new baby I do feel a rush of love which maybe wasn't as strong when I was pregnant with Chloe. I know now how important and individual and precious the baby will be, because of my feelings about Chloe. This makes me very excited and I can't wait to see how they are similar/different to their big sister. I am also really looking forward to introducing the new baby to Chloe and watching their relationship develop. Although I'm sure there will be jealousy issues, Chloe is so sociable and always trying to find children to play with so I really think she will grow to value having a little brother or sister. I love watching siblings interact and I can't wait to see our family growing together. I can't really believe it yet!!!
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