I was watching a programme the other evening on community midwives and their role of visiting women after they've had their babies. It showed how they are there to offer support to the mum but also to watch closely how they are getting on to make sure the baby is being looked after correctly. Sadly in the programme they discussed cases where the mum was deemed to not be coping and how they were referred to a board for babies 'at risk'. The mum would then have to attend meetings to show how they were able to care for their baby. I understand how necessary that role is but the thought of your baby being taken away or even the suspicion being raised that you aren't a fit mother must be terrifying!
It made me think about how as mums we can be very defensive about our way of raising our children and have the attitude of 'it's my baby so I'll do things my way'. I feel challenged that this isn't always a Biblical view. Are our children really 'ours'? As seen in the programme, even in the secular world children aren't yours by right. There is a responsibility that comes with being a parent and if you don't live up to that then they may be taken away.
Thinking about this in a less extreme way, do we have a right to tell others to 'butt out' of commenting on our parenting and to do things our way instead? I think a Biblical view would be that advice and wisdom from others should be teasured and not dismissed because it rubs us the wrong way. I think sometimes we need to be more generous with our children, not just when taking advice but allowing others into their lives.
I'll give you a couple of examples. We are often blessed by family members or friends giving us clothes for Chloe. Some of them aren't to our taste, not inappropriate but just not what we would choose. I have been challenged that it is quite selfish of me to deny that person seeing my daughter in something they've bought because of my personal preferences about clothes. Chloe certainly doesn't care!
Another example - Someone close to us may be having an event or party which they would like us all to come to. It may be something that would clash with Chloe's bedtime or a nap or just something which I know may be quite difficult for us to entertain Chloe at. There is a sense of putting Chloe's needs first but on occasions skipping a nap or going to be late is perfectly fine and to avoid something because it may 'difficult' is denying someone time with the whole family.
One final example which has happened recently is from Chloe's 2nd birthday. We were away camping over the actual birthday and were planning to celebrate whilst we were away. However we had a small party for her with family before we went so that they didn't miss out. In the end we invited a couple of close friends who weren't going on the camp as well. But because we invited a couple of friends, this meant that some others who we are very close to were excluded. In hindsight I should have shaken off my worries about a 'big' party and invited some more close friends so they could celebrate with us. Chloe is special to lots of people and I need to learn to be more generous with her, as I know this can lead to hurt feelings for those who love her but are excluded.
I feel very blessed to have been given such a wonderful little girl who is loved by so many people.I love seeing how everyone wants to interact and spend time with her at church. I don't want to be clingy mum who tries to hog her or over-protect her to the detriment of her relationship with family and friends. I want to be generous with family and make sure everyone gets to spend quality time with Chloe. I know that God has only given Chloe to us for a relatively short time and after that she will leave home and our care to go out into the world. She is no more 'mine' than anything else God has blessed me with.
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