On Saturday we had our first parenting morning as a church. It's very exciting to be part of a growing church which is having to develop new ministries as the make-up of the family changes. There are now 6 children under 3, another 3 due in the next 6 months plus a handful of older children too. The morning was excellent with some speakers coming over from another church plus the elders sharing on topics such as raising confident children, raising Christian children and discipline. There was also a time for questions and answers.
My favourite and most inspiring part of the morning was when the famous passage from 1 Corinthians about love was used as a sort of measuring stick of our parenting and method of raising confident children. There was an emphasis that if our children feel loved and accepted as they are then they will feel confident to be themselves. For our children to feel worthy of love, we need to show them plenty of love in what we say but more importantly in what we do.
A tip that was given for examining ourselves as parents was to replace the word 'love' with 'mum'/'dad'. eg - 'Mum is patient'. I think this is very helpful, as when reading this passage through like this, there were a few statements which jarred a bit for me = things to look at and work on!
A few major challenges which J and I both felt came from the morning were:
1. 'Love is patient'. This isn't just being patient in the little, every-day things but also the big things. So if it's taking your child a long time to learn a lesson then allowing them that time and not becoming frustrated. God gives us lots of time to change our ways!
2. 'Listen with your eyes' - spend time talking with our children giving our full attention. No looking at phones!
3. 'Love keeps no record of wrongs'. Don't put a sign of 'unloveable' over children. God removes our transgressions from us and we should be the same as parents. We should avoid saying things like 'you're a naughty girl' as children will take on these labels. Name the behaviour, not the child.
4. Linked to the last one - Love 'always protects'. Don't discuss your child's wrongdoings with others in an unhelpful way. Seek help and advice but don't expose your children. This one has really resonated with me. I am a big 'sharer', meaning that I tend to blurt out all sorts of things to people about how I'm feeling. I often talk about things I'm finding hard with Chloe and even sometimes on facebook. I have felt challenged about this before and now I'm even more determined to protect my little girl. I don't want her to ever feel that her Mum is less than proud of her!
I hope some of these challenges are helpful to you too. I certainly came away with a fresh sense of purpose and determination to do my best for my little family, along with J.
The final point of this section of the morning really helped us all to lift our eyes back up to Jesus after looking at what we could do better. The last verse in this passage was 'love never fails' and the conclusion was that love always wins! If we love our children and God is on our side then we can't fail! This should give us HUGE confidence in our parenting.
I am very thankful that God is much bigger than myself or J in influencing and developing my children.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
New name
I was never very happy with the name of the blog 'Godly Mummyhood'. This is what I aspire to but it sounded too much like a statement; this is what I'm doing... I rushed to come up with something when I started and names aren't really my strong point! Other blogs I follow have such clever or poignant names; I often wish I'd have thought of that!
So I tried thinking of something witty or deep but came up blank. I felt challenged to really think about what statements, scripture or words have stuck with me since I became a mum. God's promise about every day being a new day which he has made and has new grace and mercy for has been a real comfort. Psalm 30:5 says 'weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes with the morning'. God promises to renew our hope and strength each day. I frequently need to be reminded of that when I'm going through a rough patch. So often with children it seems that some days are just 'off days' and tomorrow is a new day!
That's why this blog is now called 'Joy in the morning' - to remind me of this amazing promise from God.
So I tried thinking of something witty or deep but came up blank. I felt challenged to really think about what statements, scripture or words have stuck with me since I became a mum. God's promise about every day being a new day which he has made and has new grace and mercy for has been a real comfort. Psalm 30:5 says 'weeping may tarry for the night but joy comes with the morning'. God promises to renew our hope and strength each day. I frequently need to be reminded of that when I'm going through a rough patch. So often with children it seems that some days are just 'off days' and tomorrow is a new day!
That's why this blog is now called 'Joy in the morning' - to remind me of this amazing promise from God.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Belonging
One thing I love about starting a family is the sense of belonging it creates. Even just as a couple, you end up with sayings and traditions which are just yours. And then having Chloe around has meant we have created new habits which are unique to our family and which most people wouldn't understand! I was trying to think of any I could share with you but it's so hard to explain most of them, especially when they originated with Chloe. (e.g. - before she gets out of the bath, Chloe must lie down on her back and say 'water, water'. She gets very cross if she isn't given time to do this!)
This is very clear when anyone tries to have a conversation with Chloe. She often starts talking about a game we play or something we have done in the week and often people have no idea what she is talking about. How special it is that we, as her parents, understand her and can 'speak her language'! I am sure this helps Chloe to view our relationship as a family as special and creates a sense of belonging. I know this feeling will only grow stronger as we add our new baby to the family and Chloe has someone else to share her life with.
...Added...
I feel challenged that I didn't once mention God in a post about how family gives us a sense of belonging! I had an evening to myself tonight and a bit of time to spend time reading Godly things and allowing God to speak to me. It's so easy to start to fill your mind with everything but Jesus!
So here's a verse about how God has given us the same sense of belonging into his family:
'Those who were not my people I will call 'my people', and her who was not beloved I will call 'beloved'. And in the very place where it was said to them 'you are not my people', there they will be called 'sons of the living God.'
Thank you Father that you saw me and loved me, even when I was walking away from you and didn't want to be one of 'your people'. Thank you for saving me and making me your child. Thank you that I am now a member of your family and for how that gives me the greatest sense of belonging there is! Please help me to teach my children about how their Heavenly Father knows all about them, even more than their earthly families x
This is very clear when anyone tries to have a conversation with Chloe. She often starts talking about a game we play or something we have done in the week and often people have no idea what she is talking about. How special it is that we, as her parents, understand her and can 'speak her language'! I am sure this helps Chloe to view our relationship as a family as special and creates a sense of belonging. I know this feeling will only grow stronger as we add our new baby to the family and Chloe has someone else to share her life with.
...Added...
I feel challenged that I didn't once mention God in a post about how family gives us a sense of belonging! I had an evening to myself tonight and a bit of time to spend time reading Godly things and allowing God to speak to me. It's so easy to start to fill your mind with everything but Jesus!
So here's a verse about how God has given us the same sense of belonging into his family:
'Those who were not my people I will call 'my people', and her who was not beloved I will call 'beloved'. And in the very place where it was said to them 'you are not my people', there they will be called 'sons of the living God.'
Thank you Father that you saw me and loved me, even when I was walking away from you and didn't want to be one of 'your people'. Thank you for saving me and making me your child. Thank you that I am now a member of your family and for how that gives me the greatest sense of belonging there is! Please help me to teach my children about how their Heavenly Father knows all about them, even more than their earthly families x
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