On Saturday we had our first parenting morning as a church. It's very exciting to be part of a growing church which is having to develop new ministries as the make-up of the family changes. There are now 6 children under 3, another 3 due in the next 6 months plus a handful of older children too. The morning was excellent with some speakers coming over from another church plus the elders sharing on topics such as raising confident children, raising Christian children and discipline. There was also a time for questions and answers.
My favourite and most inspiring part of the morning was when the famous passage from 1 Corinthians about love was used as a sort of measuring stick of our parenting and method of raising confident children. There was an emphasis that if our children feel loved and accepted as they are then they will feel confident to be themselves. For our children to feel worthy of love, we need to show them plenty of love in what we say but more importantly in what we do.
A tip that was given for examining ourselves as parents was to replace the word 'love' with 'mum'/'dad'. eg - 'Mum is patient'. I think this is very helpful, as when reading this passage through like this, there were a few statements which jarred a bit for me = things to look at and work on!
A few major challenges which J and I both felt came from the morning were:
1. 'Love is patient'. This isn't just being patient in the little, every-day things but also the big things. So if it's taking your child a long time to learn a lesson then allowing them that time and not becoming frustrated. God gives us lots of time to change our ways!
2. 'Listen with your eyes' - spend time talking with our children giving our full attention. No looking at phones!
3. 'Love keeps no record of wrongs'. Don't put a sign of 'unloveable' over children. God removes our transgressions from us and we should be the same as parents. We should avoid saying things like 'you're a naughty girl' as children will take on these labels. Name the behaviour, not the child.
4. Linked to the last one - Love 'always protects'. Don't discuss your child's wrongdoings with others in an unhelpful way. Seek help and advice but don't expose your children. This one has really resonated with me. I am a big 'sharer', meaning that I tend to blurt out all sorts of things to people about how I'm feeling. I often talk about things I'm finding hard with Chloe and even sometimes on facebook. I have felt challenged about this before and now I'm even more determined to protect my little girl. I don't want her to ever feel that her Mum is less than proud of her!
I hope some of these challenges are helpful to you too. I certainly came away with a fresh sense of purpose and determination to do my best for my little family, along with J.
The final point of this section of the morning really helped us all to lift our eyes back up to Jesus after looking at what we could do better. The last verse in this passage was 'love never fails' and the conclusion was that love always wins! If we love our children and God is on our side then we can't fail! This should give us HUGE confidence in our parenting.
I am very thankful that God is much bigger than myself or J in influencing and developing my children.
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