When Chloe was born, my experience of the postnatal ward in hospital wasn't very good. I don't blame the midwives, they just seemed very understaffed and very busy. Chloe had issues feeding but I received very little advice and no-one got round to helping me express milk for her, so I resorted to formula (she later mastered breastfeeding at home). Add to that, a sleepless night on a noisy ward and very little idea of what I was supposed to do with my new baby and it wasn't a happy experience!
For Livia's birth I chose to go with a different hospital but still was fully expecting to want to hurry home as soon as I could after the birth. When things didn't go to plan and Livia was in special care, I still really wanted to go home and take her with me. Being on the postnatal ward without a baby was even worse! Thankfully the midwives were so helpful and taught me to hand express the evening Livia was born so she could have my milk in SCBU. They also took pity on me the third night and gave me a private room which you would normally pay for.
But the part of my stay in hospital which really surprised me was when I was on the Transitional Care Unit. I think I've talked briefly about this in another post but this ward is like a halfway house between SCBU and the normal ward. Mums are reunited with their babies but are watched closely and there are more restrictions on what you can and can't do. Feeds and nappy changes were all recorded and midwives were constantly on hand to help if there were any issues.
I was on TCU for 2 nights and 3 days and I have to admit that I really enjoyed my time there. I loved finally being with Livia and it was so reassuring to have lots of people around to help and advise with regards to feeding and settling her. There were only 3 women allowed in the bay so it was quiet and we got to know each other a bit. There was a sense of unity because we all had babies who had issues and we would compare notes on how they were progressing.
I think this really positive hospital experience made coming home quite difficult. I had enjoyed the help and the special time to focus on Livia. As soon as we were home there was suddenly so much more to think about. There was housework, presents and cards to sort through, people to visit and most importantly a demanding toddler!
I found my feelings towards Chloe quite confusing and upsetting. I was desperately pleased to be reunited with her but felt incredibly protective of Livia, especially as Chloe acted up a bit at first to regain our attention. I think because she sensed we were a bit tense and that everything was a bit different and being extra loud and boisterous was her way of coping.
I was seriously tearful the first few days back - missing hospital, feeling guilty I wasn't more pleased to be home and very anxious about not being able to cope. But thank you God for keeping me strong and giving me a wonderfully supportive husband! Things now feel fully back to normal. I feel like my relationship with Chloe is back where it was and I feel in control around Livia and not at all nervous. We have been out just the three of us this week and it has all gone very smoothly.
I wanted to be really honest about the feelings above because I believe that 'baby blues' can be such a difficult time and it takes a while to adjust to such a huge life change. But relying on the help of others and the grace and wisdom of God WILL get you through. Sending lots of love to anyone who is pregnant or soon to have a newborn x
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