Equal but different

You're probably expecting a post on gender roles, right? Actually, I wanted to talk about the different ways in which I love my children. Before I had Livia I was fascinated by people who had more than one child. The relationship I had with Chloe was so intense. I did everything with her and had so much one-on-one time with her. I couldn't imagine adding another child and wasn't sure how they would fit in.

However, as soon as Livia was born I felt such a strong connection with her and intense love for her, that it has never crossed my mind that I might love her less than Chloe. She just fitted in our family instantly (although the transition was hard, her place was always secure).

Having said that, I have noticed that the way I feel about my girls is quite different. With Livia I have these moments of 'You're so gorgeous, I just want to eat you all up!' Those strange maternal feelings towards babies where you want to bury your face in their neck and absorb as much baby goodness as possible (I hope it's not just me!).

I did worry that these strong feelings for Livia meant something negative about my relationship with Chloe. But I don't think that's true. I went through the 'baby love' with Chloe too and we have now moved into a different kind of relationship. She is a really good friend (yes, I am still the parent but she is also a friend). We have built our friendship on mutual experiences - 'do you remember the time when..?' I can talk to her about her likes/dislikes. We can look forward to things together. We can sympathise with each other. 

I strongly believe that as my girls grow older and more aware they need to know that our love is equal for them but it is not always expressed in the same ways. Some days Chloe will get special time with mum or dad; other times it will be Livia's turn. I don't want to create a culture of being 'fair' and always having to treat both the same. I can imagine this being a challenge (Chloe has already learnt, 'that's not fair!') but I think it's an important lesson for life. I think this is reflective of how God loves us and treats us as his children.

Dear Lord, I thank you that you love us all equally and yet you have expressed that love by giving us all different gifts, abilities and circumstances. Help me not to be envious of what others have been blessed with, but recognise all the amazing things you have given to me. Help me to be happy for others when they prosper and are given good gifts. Help me to teach my girls this important lesson, as I am learning too.