Good things (day in London)

There are days when Chloe can be in a 'wind up mummy' mood and she doesn't seem to care what the consequences are. There are also days when Livia is getting into EVERYTHING (including drawing with a Biro on the TV!). These are days when I feel like saying, 'God I need a break from these children!'

But then there are days like today, where I feel so full of pride and appreciation for my two girlies. ...Hmm maybe that doesn't sound quite right; I always feel proud of them, but today was a GOOD day, behaviour and attitude-wise! I hope I'm making sense (this is a late night post after an insanely busy day, can you tell?).

We spent the day in London with Jon's family. It wasn't hugely exciting for youg children: lots of walking or sitting in buggies and looking at big buildings which didn't mean much to them. But the girls did so well, with very little moaning. Livia kept pointing to everything and saying, 'Whassat? Whassat?' She also would say 'Herro!' to random passers-by. She was generally her usual gorgeous, smiley, funny self.

Chloe ate well, walked well and chatted to me in a really lovely way ('Mummy, when I'm a grown-up, I won't have to hold hands will I?', 'Mummy, I think I must be nearly 4 because my legs are massive' etc!). She took an interest in what we were doing, like copying the marching of the soldiers at Buckingham Palace. And there was no fuss when we had to leave Hamleys without buying anything!

I don't want to make this blog about telling you how wonderful my children are but sometimes it's nice to celebrate the good things. I don't always report on the bad days but, oh my, they do happen! Please let me know your thoughts on this and warn me if I ever start to sound too boastful :) I hope you've had a good day too.

Time, please stay still.

I feel like I'm having a flashback to last summer and wishing time would just stop. I'm feeling so happy with lots of family round and things feeling 'comfortable' in our lovely (small) house, with Chloe still at home. It's daunting to think about setting up a new home, saying all our goodbyes (to J's brother and family and my parents again) and then sending our daughter off to school. Even going back to work after the summer holidays; I'm enjoying having so much time with my girlies. I'm doing my best to trust in God's promises about new seasons. He is going ahead and preparing the way.

18 "Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. 

19 Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43

Packing

We've had such a busy day today with J's brother and his family who are over from the USA. We went to Salisbury with J's parents too and had a lovely time exploring and making a trip to Stone Henge too.

Coming home is a bit strange at the moment. We are 3 weeks away from our move (panic!) and we have begun to pack. I really dislike this stage; where you still live in the house you love but it feels all different and weird because lots of your things are moved/put away etc. I can already feel myself getting emotional. This has been such a family home to us and although it is teeny tiny and we have way outgrown it, I am very reluctant to go!

I am holding onto God's promises that he has new, GOOD plans for us and he is going ahead of us in this house move. I know there will probably be hiccoughs along the way, but we will have a beautiful new home at the end of this. I just need to breathe and get on with it ;)

Livia's words!

This is mainly for my records, so I can look back at Livia's first words. I love remembering these little details! She is currently 17 months.

More!

Uh-oh

Naa-na (banana)

Mummy

Daddy

Nanny

Nuh-night

Duck

Baa

Roar

Moo

Miaow

Sss (snake noise!)

Buh-bye

He-roo (hello)

Hot (without the 't')

Ta (thank you)

That! (pointing excitedly)

Air-ee-is (there she/he/it is!)

Mixed emotions

Ah it's so lovely to have mum and dad home. It feels like they've never been away to be honest. The girls have taken to them with no problems; I was surprised at Livia's recognition of them at the airport and think it must be because of Skype. She had a huge smile but also, what I'd call, 'confused amusement', as if to say 'what are you doing out of the computer?!' We've had a few days together staying at my grandparents which has been really special.

Through all of this, things have felt a little weird, as the day after Mum and Dad got back, we found out that some lovely friends of ours had lost their 3 month old baby boy to a brain tumour. It was all very quick and tragic. It's felt so strange carrying on with our lives as usual, knowing that they are going through he worst possible scenario. You don't want to make their tragedy about 'you' but I've felt so sad for them and have cried many tears for their loss.

Chloe has also been acting quite strange since Mum and Dad have come back. She is being very emotional and having breakdowns over the least little thing. To give an example, we went to a soft play and she couldn't climb a particular bit of it and dissolved into floods of tears and demanded that I come and get her from inside the soft play. She has also been off her food a little and being extra clingy, not wanting others, just me. Oh and quite naughty too!

I wonder whether it is to do with all the changes at the moment and feeling unsettled. Chloe has found it difficult to understand why Mum and Dad aren't back in their old house. She asks to play the games they used to have or to do the old craft/cooking activities. As Mum and Dad are staying with friends, the things they can do with her are quite different. I don't think Chloe realises they will be going back to India in a few weeks.

I'm hoping these mixed emotions will become happier as the weeks go on. I pray everyday for our friends coping with the loss of their baby and their faith has been amazing throughout. It inspires me to be more thankful and to make the most of all the blessings in my life. And to put small problems and worries in their rightful place. God is bigger!

Adding to the family?

Don't get excited, this isn't a pregnancy announcement! I've been thinking a lot about whether we should have another baby and here are a few of my musings on this huuuuge topic. This is quite a private, personal decision so I'm not completely giving away our thoughts, just some of the considerations that have crossed our minds.

Whenever I start thinking that we probably need to have some plan about any future children, I get a bit overwhelmed. It feels a bit like we are deciding whether a new person will live or not! Of course that's completely non-theological (untheological??) and ignores that it's God who predestines us and creates us. But do you know what I mean?

It also boggles my mind to think how it will change how our family is and interacts. Whether they will be a boy or a girl and how that will work with the two girls. It will change our needs practically and financially. It will change aspects of our lives such as work and school. But it may add something to our family that we may miss out on otherwise. I love my babies and so why would I not want another one? Arrgghh!

We've not made a final decision but I have come to the realisation that the following shouldn't come into the equation...

- Work. I don't want to be afraid of what my school would say or inconveniencing my colleagues. And also the stress of having to sort out childcare for a longer time. I've always said that my work will come second to my family.

- Finances. I am a strong believer that when it comes to family, God will provide. Money shouldn't be a limiting factor on how many children we are 'allowed'. He can provide houses, cars etc. Sometimes he may require us to live more frugal lives in order to have more children but that's ok!

So with those two things out of the equation, it's more about whether it feels 'right' for our family and if we think God has called us to have more children. This is definitely a decision that we want to make with God and not in our own wisdom! Whatever happens, I am so thankful for our wonderful family.

The beginning of a busy summer!

So school's out (well, for me anyway) and I'm looking forward to a lovely, hectic summer with my two lovely girls. I feel like I'm going to appreciate this time even more because it is the countdown to Chloe starting school. 

My parents get back to the UK on Thursday for a 6 week stay. 6 weeks! Chloe is super excited which I'm so happy about. I was quite worried when they left that Chloe would forget about them. In a way that's happened, as in she doesn't expect to see them and understands they are gone for a long time, but she hasn't lost her love for her grandparents and happiness that they'll be around very soon.

As for myself, I'm feeling a little nervous about having them back. It has been so much better than I thought it would be, having my parents so far away again. It was sad and a complete adjustment saying goodbye again. But we've adapted and got used to it. In fact, I much prefer it now to just before they left and saying goodbyes and watching them pack their house up. I'm scared it's going to be like that again. I'm trying very hard to be positive and make the most of the time. I know I'm very fortunate to have them back for so long!

I hope you are all looking forward to the summer and have some lovely plans. Talk again soon!

Hospital stay

We've had a bit of a scary start to the week. On Sunday evening Livia was sick; we didn't think much of it, because her allergies mean that she often has nights when something hasn't agreed with her and we end up having to give her a second bath before bed! But half an hour later she was sick again. And then 15 minutes later, and then again and again. This carried on all night. She started not making a fuss and so we had to keep checking on her to make sure she wasn't lying in it :(

In the morning Livia still wasn't keeping any water down and immediately bringing it back up. I didn't happen to have any dioralyte to hand (I recommend to any parents to always keep stocked up, as children will often keep this down better than water). I debated whether to go out and get some / go to the doctors / go to A&E. But I was starting to get very worried about Livia, who was just lying on our bed in between being sick. I rang the doctors but they couldn't see me until 11. So A&E it would have to be.

Thankfully I dropped Chloe off to my mother-in-laws (so helpful to have someone in case of emergencies). We headed to A&E, me feeling a bit sheepish and thinking she wasn't poorly enough to go there. Sure enough the first nurse I saw said 'Oh I wouldn't worry, she has a tummy bug. My daughter has a tummy bug at the moment.' She gave me dioralyte to give with a syringe and sent me back to the waiting room to administer myself. This was about 10am.

By 2pm we were still at A&E. Livia was still being sick (my trousers had been covered when she caught me off-guard) and she had gone very tired and unresponsive. The doctors decided that we would have to be admitted and Livia needed some help with getting fluids. They tried a tube down her nose but she still brought up the dioralyte. So they had to resort to an IV in her arm. J had joined me at this point, as I hadn't had a chance to eat anything or had a break (the nurse I first saw had become more sympathetic and had made me a cup of tea, which was lovely). I was also getting tearful - it an be very lonely waiting in a hospital without anything to distract you from worrying.

We ended up staying overnight on the children's ward. By the morning, Livia was sitting up in her cot and actually giving the other children smiles which she wasn't well enough to do the night before. The tubes were all taken out and she managed a couple of cups of water before we were discharged. 

I wish that was it for our time in hospital but after a few hours at home, I became very worried about Livia again. She wasn't trying to play or walk around, she wasn't interested in food and was starting to refuse drinks. She just lay down wherever I put her and would make a repetitive moaning noise.

I called the ward and they told me to come back in to have her assessed. My mother-in-law and Chloe came with me, which was really nice to have some moral support. It seems that Livia's blood sugar had dropped very low, so after being forced to have dioralyte for another few hours she perked up much more and we were allowed home again. Phew!

I have to admit I'm still not 100% happy with how Livia is at the moment. She is still being sick (now is Thursday, so this is 4 days later) but it is sporadic (once or twice a day) and she is eating and drinking. She is also very tired and not her usual destructive self! But I'm trying not to be a worried mum and realise that it will take a while for her to get back to normal after her ordeal. There's no sign of a temperature or anything else worrying so I can just assume it's the end of the bug.

I'm very thankful to friends and family, especially those who prayed for us, sent texts, looked after Chloe and my lovely friend who made us dinner yesterday. You are fab :)

[I thought it might be worth saying that if you have to go to A&E with a child, make sure you take drinks and snacks for yourself. I really regretted this and have myself a horrible headache by not looking after myself. Also a change of clothes is a good idea if you have a sicky child! And cancel any appointments you have before you lose signal inside the hospital. I wish I had thought of all these things.]