On Friday Chloe came home with a sheet of paper where she had asked her friends to write their names down to create a list of people who could come to her party. On first glance I thought this was really cute and ingenious, however I got suspicious when another mum from the school put a picture of a similar list which her daughter had also come home with. I questioned Chloe further and it turns out quite a few girls in the class were doing this. I couldn't help but also notice that Chloe's name was missing from the other girl's list.
I ended up sending a message to the other mum and asking her whether she was at all concerned that the girls in the class might be using these lists to select people they like and not allow others onto the list. The other mum wasn't too worried, as they are just establishing friendships. She has an older daughter too, so perhaps is used to these things going on. (Just to clarify, I was in no way saying 'why isn't my daughter on your daughter's list?!')
It made me think that friendships by nature are quite 'exclusive'. When a child says that this person is their 'friend', they are choosing to spend time with them above being with others. When I think about myself, I can see how my closest friends are people who I feel safe and comfortable with, people who share my interests and who I enjoy their company. There's nothing wrong with this and maybe I shouldn't get worried when Chloe says that a certain person at school doesn't want to be her friend; there will be plenty of others who do want to spend time with her.
I have encouraged Chloe to be friendly with everyone and to allow lots of people 'onto her list'. I hope she won't become someone who has the sorts of friendships that exclude others. But I am also going to try to back off a bit and not concern myself too much with the friendship making process, unless she seems upset about it. As before, I am going to pray and trust that this is most effective thing that I can do.
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