Equal but different

You're probably expecting a post on gender roles, right? Actually, I wanted to talk about the different ways in which I love my children. Before I had Livia I was fascinated by people who had more than one child. The relationship I had with Chloe was so intense. I did everything with her and had so much one-on-one time with her. I couldn't imagine adding another child and wasn't sure how they would fit in.

However, as soon as Livia was born I felt such a strong connection with her and intense love for her, that it has never crossed my mind that I might love her less than Chloe. She just fitted in our family instantly (although the transition was hard, her place was always secure).

Having said that, I have noticed that the way I feel about my girls is quite different. With Livia I have these moments of 'You're so gorgeous, I just want to eat you all up!' Those strange maternal feelings towards babies where you want to bury your face in their neck and absorb as much baby goodness as possible (I hope it's not just me!).

I did worry that these strong feelings for Livia meant something negative about my relationship with Chloe. But I don't think that's true. I went through the 'baby love' with Chloe too and we have now moved into a different kind of relationship. She is a really good friend (yes, I am still the parent but she is also a friend). We have built our friendship on mutual experiences - 'do you remember the time when..?' I can talk to her about her likes/dislikes. We can look forward to things together. We can sympathise with each other. 

I strongly believe that as my girls grow older and more aware they need to know that our love is equal for them but it is not always expressed in the same ways. Some days Chloe will get special time with mum or dad; other times it will be Livia's turn. I don't want to create a culture of being 'fair' and always having to treat both the same. I can imagine this being a challenge (Chloe has already learnt, 'that's not fair!') but I think it's an important lesson for life. I think this is reflective of how God loves us and treats us as his children.

Dear Lord, I thank you that you love us all equally and yet you have expressed that love by giving us all different gifts, abilities and circumstances. Help me not to be envious of what others have been blessed with, but recognise all the amazing things you have given to me. Help me to be happy for others when they prosper and are given good gifts. Help me to teach my girls this important lesson, as I am learning too.

Will I miss you?

My thought for the day is: do parents miss their children as they used to be? When my girls have become proper schoolgirls, say 7 and 10, will I be nostalgic about the days of high chairs and stairgates, or will I enjoy the new stage with no looking back? Equally, when my girls are young ladies, as teenagers, will I miss them waking at 7am on the dot and piling into our bed? Do my parents miss me as a child? Do I seem like a completely different person now? 

I am so quick to get fed up with early wake ups, CBeebies tv, constant demands to play games and snotty-nosed hugs. I do understand when people say 'make the most of this stage', but when it feels like you're in the trenches of having young children, you can lose sight of how these things won't last forever. It makes me desperately sad to think of these things ending. Even the calls in the middle of the night and the dirty fingerprints on my clothes.

Sick sick sick

Agghhh we are in to week 3 of sickness in our house. Every time I think we're over it, some other illness begins. We have all had flu, then Chloe got an ear infection, then Livia got a sickness bug and now Chloe has a sickness bug. We've been up 5 times in the night changing sheets etc. 

I hope this is an unusually bad winter bug season and we won't have this every year. And that the girls are developing good immunities through all this! 

A mental shake

I am getting a little fed up with mummy blogs at the moment. I am aware that this is a super hypocritical thing to say considering this is a mummy blog. But I find that often posts can be very self-indulgent. You know, 'you're doing great', 'don't worry about cleaning', 'being a mum is the hardest job', 'value time with your kids above all else', 'being a mum is SO important'. Obviously these are all true statements and there have been times when I have had a truly awful day and have really needed to hear some encouragement. These blogs regularly make me cry because I am so happy others sympathise with me.

But I don't think these messages are always helpful. Or there should be a time when you move beyond needing to repeat these over and over. They can be a lot about surviving and coping with your situation. This can give you a very skewed view of the world. My situation is a lot harder than other people's and I deserve rest and I deserve to feel sorry for myself. Do you recognise any of those feelings? Maybe I'm just a lot more selfish than other people but I can sink into these feelings often. When I find the children hard going, I become very self-obsessed and selfish. I don't have time for other people's problems. I don't have time for God and his plans for me.

An example would be Saturdays like today. J works every other Saturday and this would usually be a time when I would spend time with my parents. But I can't because they are in India now. I normally would mooch around feeling lonely and sorry for myself; 'everyone else is with their families, blah blah, feel sorry for me.' I might even write a mournful Facebook status!

Today I decided things would be different. We packed up our rain coats and hats and headed to Wisley (as I always say, this is one of my favourite places). And we had a lovely day. It was difficult looking after both children by myself, especially in the butterfly display as we weren't allowed to take the buggy in. But I coped! I really enjoyed the company of the children and I treated myself to a coffee and cake :)

So, I will read those mummy blog posts when I am feeling like I've had a hard day and need someone to say it's ok to find things hard and feel down. But then I will forget the self-pity and give myself a mental shake. I will make the effort to chat to other people and find out their difficulties. I will remember that us mums do not have the monopoly on feeling tired and working hard. I will remember that as much as my children are important and God has given me the mission of raising them, He has also set me another mission of spreading his Gospel and being there for others.

Livia is one!

I realised I didn't post about Livia's birthday which was on Tuesday. We had a great time celebrating with a family tea on Suday with J'a parents and sister plus family. I did really miss my parents over her birthday; feels so strange not having them here for big events. 

We also had a mini party with a couple of friends (9 children!). The party was chaotic but fun (I really should have taken up the rug before allowing the kids to eat chocolate cake on it!!). I'm so glad my children have such special friends.

I normally get quite stressed out by the pressures of kids' parties but I have really enjoyed celebrating Livia's birthday. I hope her other birthdays live up to this one! Happy birthday to my smiley baby!

Back to normal

I find that one of the hardest times in parenting are those days when your child has been sick but is now recovered. Despite relief that they are now better and you can GET OUT OF THE HOUSE (!), these days can be difficult because you have let so much go whilst they've been ill and they expect it to carry on.

I'll explain. Chloe has just been ill with an ear infection. When she gets these she also has a high temperature which can make her sick as well. She is really up for nothing more than lying on a sofa when she is at her poorliest. This means waaaay more tv than we would usually allow. Also playing games on mummy's phone. Being read endless stories. Eating whatever she likes and not having to sit at the table. She can turn down dinner and still nibble on toast. She can have tantrums about going to the toilet or wanting to be carried upstairs. She gets away with a lot! But that's part of being ill and most of the time she doesn't think about her behaviour because she is so ill.

When Chloe returns to full health it often feels like we have taken several steps backwards. She will have been happy to eat what was put in front of her before being ill, but suddenly she is Miss Picky. And she will have forgotten how to entertain herself and instead moan about wanting the tv on.

I am interested to know if other parents find the same thing. It can be difficult to judge when a child is feeling well enough to return to old standards of behaviour. And how much to let them get away with when they are ill. It's hard to be consistent when there are two sets of rules. I'm hoping as the children get older they will understand this better! Today, I am happy that there will be no vomit or snotty noses to clean :)

Frozen!

A bit of a random post for you today! The new obsession in our house (for Chloe at least) is the new Disney movie Frozen. My mum took her to see it before they left for India and she really enjoyed it. It's taken a while for her to develop a real interest in the film since then but recently Chloe's been noticing everything to do with Frozen and requesting clips on YouTube/listening to the soundtrack etc. I now know the song 'Do you wanna build a snowman?' word for word!

I haven't seen the film but I have gathered from Chloe's ramblings that it's about two sisters called Elsa and Anna. Elsa has the power to freeze things and manages to cause an eternal winter. Anna has to try and get her to reverse it and restore their relationship. If you've seen the film then let me know if that's not right! The soundtrack sounds great and I am looking forward to it coming it on DVD. 

I think it's funny that the film is about two sisters, one whose a blonde and one whose a redhead. However, when I pointed his out to Chloe and suggested she could act the film out with Livia, she told me she would rather be Anna than Elsa. Oh well.