I have been using the well-known 'My Utmost for His Highest' devotionals by Oswald Chambers for my quiet times recently. I have found this book to be such a blessing! Short readings and thoughts for the day, which are easy to fit in around my busy schedule with Chloe and they don't depend on you finding time every day.
Yesterday's passage was from Jude and all about building up your faith. Chambers acknowledged that so often we want 'exceptional' experiences with God or to do 'exceptional' things for him. He then turned this on its head and proposed that although Peter walked on water, his greater sacrifice and the more difficult task was to walk with Jesus every day on land. It's the every-day faith that we are called to live out, not to be impulsive thrill-seekers. Chambers sums it up by saying 'We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in mean streets, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes'.
This has been encouraging to me because I have been finding my life very trivial recently. Being inside and potty-training for a whole week has left my prayers for the day as 'God, please let Chloe make progress in doing her wees on the potty today!' or 'please help me to be creative and energetic in keeping Chloe busy at home today'. These prayers just seem so tiny and unimportant compared to all that is happening in the world today and in God's kingdom! Chambers has encouraged me that I have to keep being faithful to God and keep engaging with him during my rather dull day. Another quote from him which often applies to our lives: 'to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus'.
Potty Training Diary
This is the last I will mention about potty-training in detail, as I'm sure there aren't many people who are interested in so much detail about Chloe's toilet habits! But I wanted to finish off the week and today marks a week, hooray! Often you see books in the shops claiming they can potty-train your child in a week. I didn't believe this was really realistic, or at least not for us. But here we are a week on and I guess Chloe is potty-trained, depending on how you define it.
On Saturday we had a funny day, as Chloe again went through a stage of not wanting to try on the potty. She managed some wees on the potty but also had several accidents, one with J when he took her round his parents whilst I rested - whoops! Saturday was also emotional because my parents left for their 6-week trip to India, which Chloe just couldn't get her head round. But more on that another time.
Sunday we had the obstacle of church. It was something that had been looming in the background all week and I knew I really wanted to try it completely nappy-free. Because Saturday hadn't been that successful I had resolved myself that when Chloe went to creche I would probably put her in a nappy, because our creche is relatively new and we haven't had much experience of children who are newly potty-trained. However when we got there I took her straight to the toilets (I had a potty just in case) and Chloe managed to go on the toilet! I was so impressed that she had practically 'weed on command' that I let her tell everyone she then saw when we got back to the meeting room; there were some funny reactions! She was then fine to stay nappy-free all service and made it home without incident. The rest of the day went very well, with just a small accident after leaving her nappy off for her nap.
Today has probably been the best day. I have started asking Chloe a lot less to try on the potty and this has been really effective. She has gone for a wee every 2 and a half hours-ish and almost immediately after being placed on the potty. The only accident happened when I had my shower this morning (we had a lie-in whoops!). When I came out of the shower I heard Chloe calling to me, saying 'I'm still dry!'. I thought this was a bit suspicious and when I came downstairs, found she had wet trousers and pants. I took her to the potty to see if she needed to do more and was very confused to find a big wee in there! The only conclusion I can come to is that she must have taken herself to the potty but forgotten/been unable to take her trousers and pants off and just weed straight through them! So I see this as definite progress if she is already attempting to go by herself. I might have to be brave and leave her bare-bummed if I need to leave her to shower in the future.
So we're still having an accident a day but I feel like we're nearly there. I feel much more confident about leaving the house, as Chloe is so good at holding herself and is getting better at using public loos. There's no turning back now!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Potty training, part 2
Here's the next installment in our potty training adventures! Day three was ok up until I wrote my last blog, haha. Then in the afternoon Chloe had her friend Jonny round and was too distracted to sit on the potty and, when on the potty, she couldn't seem to wee. This then meant she had a bit of an accident before 'finishing' on the potty. However this seemed to really put her off her potty and she kept refusing to get on it, even after Jonny had left. The afternoon culminated in Chloe bumping her head and as I comforted her with a cuddle she weed all over me and all over the floor! And there was a lot of it! So not a great end to the day.
Day four was a really good day (thank goodness, after Wednesday). Chloe used her potty with no fuss and had no accidents. The only issue I had was that she went for a wee so infrequently that I'm a bit worried she's 'holding it'. I kept putting her on the potty and she seemed ok with that, even really trying to go but with no result. She ended up going from 9am until her nap with no wee. I delayed her nap until 2pm, as I really wanted her to go before, but at 2 it was getting a bit ridiculous! So I put her in her nappy to sleep. However when I woke her at 3.30pm, she STILL hadn't weed! At this point I put her straight on the potty and she did use it successfully. So Chloe is doing the right thing but maybe can only go when she's desperate?!
Day five (today) was going to be a challenging day because it marked stage 2 in potty training - starting to leave the house. I am not the sort of mum who is relaxed about making a scene in front of people and so the thought of accidents out-and-about terrifies me!
This morning we had Chloe's second session at gym club which I didn't want to miss, as she's been stuck in all week and she loved it last time she went (includes using gym equipment like bars, beams, ladders, trampoline etc but with parachute and song time too = fab!). As I don't know people there very well and it is a professional gym club I decided I couldn't risk an accident during the session but, to avoid being in a nappy all morning, I only put a nappy on Chloe once we got to the gym club before the session. I then took it off straight after (it was dry). The mistake I made was not asking Chloe if she needed a wee immediately, as when I was putting her socks on I felt a warm patch and realised she'd leaked a small amount! Panicking more than a little, I asked Chloe if she needed to wee more; she said 'yes'. Oh no! I took her to the loos... both were occupied... what now?! I kept telling Chloe to hold it in, hoping that the people in the cubicles would hear and hurry up. Once in the loo, I put Chloe on, but this is a new experience for both of us and I wasn't sure if she should dangle at the front or sit right to the back? I'm still not sure ha! (mums - please let me know what you do!). She seemed happier right at the back, as she was clinging on for dear life at the front. After changing positions I was amazed that she actually managed to do a full wee in the toilet! I was so, so proud and this gives me more confidence for taking her out in the future.
Sorry this post is getting so long! The second outing I had to make today was to the supermarket; our fridge was very empty after a whole week at home. We timed it so that we left straight after Chloe went for a wee on the potty, so we could avoid accidents in the shop. However because she isn't 'going on demand' I had to wait quite a while for this! We ended up leaving at 5pm, which then meant the supermarket was heaving; not the best for a first shopping attempt with a toddler newly-potty trained! It took over an hour but we managed without any accidents which was a relief. I had placed a disposable changing mat under Chloe in the trolly, just in case. I'm not sure how effective this would have been but hopefully would have caught some of it! Any other tips for supermarket trips welcomed.
I'm feeling very positive this evening. Much better than I did Wednesday evening! I still haven't got my head around the fact that this is it now and I can't really turn back. I think I half-expected to fail during this half term, so to now be progressing at this rate is a bit scary.
Some progress that still needs to be made:
1) Chloe is still frequently starting to wee in her pants and then stops herself and does the rest on the potty. I need to try and get her to tell me before she starts.
2) She isn't 'going on demand' and seems to try to do wees but can't make herself do it, even when she hasn't been for several hours. I guess this is just a case of increasing her bladder control.
3) Chloe needs to practise using both the potty and toilet so that it is easier to take her out.
4) I want to move towards nappy-free naps, as she is often dry when I wake her up. I don't know if I can face this yet!
5) I to avoid using the tv as a way to get her to sit on the potty and encourage her to wait long enough without it on.
We'll see how it goes!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Potty training diaries, part 1
This week we are taking the plunge (not sure that's the right expression!) into potty-training. We briefly attempted potty-training over the summer but I didn't even blog about it because it was a bit of a disaster! Chloe clearly wasn't ready so we left it until October half term, which thankfully is 2 weeks for me so hopefully enough time to practice before she has to go back to Jon's mum while I'm working.
I have been really reluctant to start training Chloe and I wasn't sure why! I think my experience over the summer made it seem an impossible task and I know of people who have had all sorts of issues. If I think about deeper reasons, I guess I also feel like this is yet another test of my parenting skills and one which people regularly compare (e.g - 'My daughter potty-trained in 2 days with only a couple of accidents!'). I am so driven by success that I really didn't want to 'fail' at this. I know it's a ridiculous way to think and my security in my parenting should be based on much more important things. But I'm sure I'm not the only one to have thoughts like this!
Anyway it's actually been going really well! This is how we are starting...
We prepared Chloe by getting her some pretty pants (and lots of cheap ones of Primark too) to get her excited. We also talked regularly about the fact that she would be learning to use the potty. We were given a book which explains the potty-training process for toddlers which Chloe loved and this also got her used to the idea. We originally bought a cheapo potty from Asda but she refused to sit on it for any length of time because it 'hurt' and left red rings round her bum. Although some people warned us against it, we ordered a potty-chair off Amazon which is much more comfy for her and has a pot in the middle which you remove to clean. This worked wonders for getting her to sit on the potty in the first place (and she is now happy to use the cheap potty as an extra one upstairs which is a relief!).
Monday was day one. I took her nappy off after we'd had breakfast and I was showered, dressed and ready to supervise her (around 8.30am). We planned to have the whole day inside with just the two of us so that we could give it a good go. Chloe went until 11.30 without a single wee! In this time I regularly put her on the potty (probably about every 30-45 mins). I wanted to avoid using tv to get her to sit there, as this was something I had tried during the summer and all it meant was that she kept saying she needed to potty so she could have the tv on! This time we did use the tv but I limited it to one episode of Peppa Pig from a DVD (which is about 5 mins). I find tv helps as Chloe is so active that just sitting still is really hard for her! At the start of potty-training it seems toddlers don't often know how to control their wee very well on demand, so Chloe often needs a few minutes to relax enough to go. I do also read to her, give her snacks or (her favourite) make up stories about 'princess Siena'!
(Back to Monday) At 11.30 we had our first accident on the floor. Chloe was a bit upset by it but I put her on the potty and encouraged her to try and do some more. She didn't. 10 minutes later we had another accident on the floor! Again I put her on the potty in case she still needed it and she produced nothing again. It was then lunchtime and I assumed she was all empty so didn't put the disposable changing mat I had been using under her. Bad move! She weed all over the high chair!
Chloe then had her nap (in a nappy) and I had a well-earned rest! After naptime, the day continued the same with me putting Chloe on the potty regularly but with no result. Feeling it was hopeless and I should give up, I admit that I had a little cry (Chloe noticed and kept telling me to 'not be sad' which made me cry more!). I felt like a failure and I was upset that I had to keep nagging my daughter to do something she clearly couldn't do.
But then!!... Chloe did a little dribble of a wee in her pants so I put her on the potty and she did some more. Again it was only a dribble but it earnt her a sticker and chocolate button for her efforts. She was very happy and it was only 5 minutes until she told me she had to 'wee again'. Again she produced another dribble and had another sticker and chocolate. 5 minutes later and another dribble in the potty. I told her she had to sit for longer and do a 'big wee' to get another sticker. Chloe wasn't happy with this but eventually gave in. This resulted in our first 'proper wee' in the potty! I was so happy! And also impressed that she seemed to have learnt some control over her 'wee muscle'.
Day two and day three (today) are going well, with no proper accidents yet. Just one occasion where Chloe started to go and then made it to the potty before any went on the floor. We are continuing with a sticker chart and chocolate buttons. Chloe seems to be able to hold her wee for ages which can be disconcerting! She seems to go at 11.30, after her nap at around 15.00 and then at 18.00. I took her out yesterday to the park in pants straight after she weed after her nap and it went without a hitch. I think if I can get her to go 'on demand' then I'll feel happier about longer trips out because I can make sure she 'empties' before we go.
We haven't had any progress with poo yet but thankfully no awful accidents! I have heard that you should concentrate on wee and then the poo will eventually follow. Haha I apologise to anyone who doesn't have kids reading this!
We also aren't attempting to have Chloe in pants for her nap or night sleeps yet. Again, I've heard that children will normally go dry at nights by themselves and then you can get rid of the nappies. For now, it's quite a relief to put her in her night nappy at the end of the day!
I hope this account of my experiences will help anyone who is about to potty-train. I don't think I have the 'correct' method but sometimes it can be reassuring to hear other people's success/failure stories. I would advise that if you start and have to turn back then that's not a bad thing! It's what we had to do in the summer. But be prepared for a stressful start and lots of cleaning up before things do improve :)
I have been really reluctant to start training Chloe and I wasn't sure why! I think my experience over the summer made it seem an impossible task and I know of people who have had all sorts of issues. If I think about deeper reasons, I guess I also feel like this is yet another test of my parenting skills and one which people regularly compare (e.g - 'My daughter potty-trained in 2 days with only a couple of accidents!'). I am so driven by success that I really didn't want to 'fail' at this. I know it's a ridiculous way to think and my security in my parenting should be based on much more important things. But I'm sure I'm not the only one to have thoughts like this!
Anyway it's actually been going really well! This is how we are starting...
We prepared Chloe by getting her some pretty pants (and lots of cheap ones of Primark too) to get her excited. We also talked regularly about the fact that she would be learning to use the potty. We were given a book which explains the potty-training process for toddlers which Chloe loved and this also got her used to the idea. We originally bought a cheapo potty from Asda but she refused to sit on it for any length of time because it 'hurt' and left red rings round her bum. Although some people warned us against it, we ordered a potty-chair off Amazon which is much more comfy for her and has a pot in the middle which you remove to clean. This worked wonders for getting her to sit on the potty in the first place (and she is now happy to use the cheap potty as an extra one upstairs which is a relief!).
Monday was day one. I took her nappy off after we'd had breakfast and I was showered, dressed and ready to supervise her (around 8.30am). We planned to have the whole day inside with just the two of us so that we could give it a good go. Chloe went until 11.30 without a single wee! In this time I regularly put her on the potty (probably about every 30-45 mins). I wanted to avoid using tv to get her to sit there, as this was something I had tried during the summer and all it meant was that she kept saying she needed to potty so she could have the tv on! This time we did use the tv but I limited it to one episode of Peppa Pig from a DVD (which is about 5 mins). I find tv helps as Chloe is so active that just sitting still is really hard for her! At the start of potty-training it seems toddlers don't often know how to control their wee very well on demand, so Chloe often needs a few minutes to relax enough to go. I do also read to her, give her snacks or (her favourite) make up stories about 'princess Siena'!
(Back to Monday) At 11.30 we had our first accident on the floor. Chloe was a bit upset by it but I put her on the potty and encouraged her to try and do some more. She didn't. 10 minutes later we had another accident on the floor! Again I put her on the potty in case she still needed it and she produced nothing again. It was then lunchtime and I assumed she was all empty so didn't put the disposable changing mat I had been using under her. Bad move! She weed all over the high chair!
Chloe then had her nap (in a nappy) and I had a well-earned rest! After naptime, the day continued the same with me putting Chloe on the potty regularly but with no result. Feeling it was hopeless and I should give up, I admit that I had a little cry (Chloe noticed and kept telling me to 'not be sad' which made me cry more!). I felt like a failure and I was upset that I had to keep nagging my daughter to do something she clearly couldn't do.
But then!!... Chloe did a little dribble of a wee in her pants so I put her on the potty and she did some more. Again it was only a dribble but it earnt her a sticker and chocolate button for her efforts. She was very happy and it was only 5 minutes until she told me she had to 'wee again'. Again she produced another dribble and had another sticker and chocolate. 5 minutes later and another dribble in the potty. I told her she had to sit for longer and do a 'big wee' to get another sticker. Chloe wasn't happy with this but eventually gave in. This resulted in our first 'proper wee' in the potty! I was so happy! And also impressed that she seemed to have learnt some control over her 'wee muscle'.
Day two and day three (today) are going well, with no proper accidents yet. Just one occasion where Chloe started to go and then made it to the potty before any went on the floor. We are continuing with a sticker chart and chocolate buttons. Chloe seems to be able to hold her wee for ages which can be disconcerting! She seems to go at 11.30, after her nap at around 15.00 and then at 18.00. I took her out yesterday to the park in pants straight after she weed after her nap and it went without a hitch. I think if I can get her to go 'on demand' then I'll feel happier about longer trips out because I can make sure she 'empties' before we go.
We haven't had any progress with poo yet but thankfully no awful accidents! I have heard that you should concentrate on wee and then the poo will eventually follow. Haha I apologise to anyone who doesn't have kids reading this!
We also aren't attempting to have Chloe in pants for her nap or night sleeps yet. Again, I've heard that children will normally go dry at nights by themselves and then you can get rid of the nappies. For now, it's quite a relief to put her in her night nappy at the end of the day!
I hope this account of my experiences will help anyone who is about to potty-train. I don't think I have the 'correct' method but sometimes it can be reassuring to hear other people's success/failure stories. I would advise that if you start and have to turn back then that's not a bad thing! It's what we had to do in the summer. But be prepared for a stressful start and lots of cleaning up before things do improve :)
Friday, October 12, 2012
Sugar and spice and all things nice
I love how sweet Chloe is at the moment. She comes out with the nicest things and she is so affectionate. I am really loving this stage of her development where you get so much back in return for your love and time. I will give you a few examples...
If I ever get stressed or sound upset, Chloe is very quick to say 'You ok Mummy?' or 'Don't worry Mummy'. When we were playing doctors I pretended to be ill and must have been too convincing, as Choe said 'Don't be sad Mummy'.She seems to really care about my feelings which I find so lovely.
At mealtimes Chloe will always notice if someone has run out of drink or hasn't had pudding and will ask them if they want some/more. Even people she doesn't know well! She is quite the little hostess!
Today we went to gym club for the first time and on the way home Chloe was getting excited about telling J about her time there (he was working from home). She said 'I make Daddy happy'. I love that she wants to share her day with us both.
Chloe has really got the hang of manners and being polite. She will usually say 'please' and 'thank you' without prompting and today she thanked us for her meal before getting down from the table.
Most importantly she is learning about Jesus. The other day we were coming home late and Chloe told J she wasn't scared of the dark. He asked why and she replied 'Not scared because Jesus looks after me'. I know this is mostly down to what we've told her and not a real understanding but it's so heart-warming to hear her say it!
If I ever get stressed or sound upset, Chloe is very quick to say 'You ok Mummy?' or 'Don't worry Mummy'. When we were playing doctors I pretended to be ill and must have been too convincing, as Choe said 'Don't be sad Mummy'.She seems to really care about my feelings which I find so lovely.
At mealtimes Chloe will always notice if someone has run out of drink or hasn't had pudding and will ask them if they want some/more. Even people she doesn't know well! She is quite the little hostess!
Today we went to gym club for the first time and on the way home Chloe was getting excited about telling J about her time there (he was working from home). She said 'I make Daddy happy'. I love that she wants to share her day with us both.
Chloe has really got the hang of manners and being polite. She will usually say 'please' and 'thank you' without prompting and today she thanked us for her meal before getting down from the table.
Most importantly she is learning about Jesus. The other day we were coming home late and Chloe told J she wasn't scared of the dark. He asked why and she replied 'Not scared because Jesus looks after me'. I know this is mostly down to what we've told her and not a real understanding but it's so heart-warming to hear her say it!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Retreat
Recently I met up with two of my very close friends from university. I feel like we've done so well to keep in contact for the 4 years since we left and it's always just like old times when we see each other (by the way, realise you may be reading this - hello!).
One of these friends went to Austrailia and New Zealand for a couple of months this year, taking unpaid leave in order to do some travelling. When she was telling us about it I felt so challenged by how she viewed her time away and what she really valued from her trip. She made it clear that one of the main reasons she went, was to spend time with God and to get to know him better. She described the trip as 'life-changing' and some of the things He had spoken to her about. One of these (I hope you don't mind me putting on here!) was that she felt called to set up a Christian retreat at some point in her life. This would work like a home where people can stay for the purpose of spending time with God and enjoying good hospitality whilst having space to pray and read the Bible.
My friend has really challenged me about this idea of 'retreat'. I don't know many close friends who have gone on 'reatreats' or even just on holiday with the purpose of spending time with God. But the more I think about it, the more Biblical it seems! Jesus spent time in the desert listening to God and being away from all other distractions before beginning his ministry in earnest. I'm not talking about becoming a monk/nun, shut away from the world which I personally don't see as a Biblical way of living. Just a short time to reconnect and show your commitment to your relationship with God. I certainly have never approached a holiday with the same attitude as my friend and I really respect and admire her way of thinking.
I have talked to J about all of this and my desire to have a day or even just a morning of 'retreat' before the baby arrives and demands all my time. My idea is to take a day trip to one of my favourite places, just me and my Bible, whilst he looks after Chloe. I am really looking forward to this special time with God which feels so badly needed!
One of these friends went to Austrailia and New Zealand for a couple of months this year, taking unpaid leave in order to do some travelling. When she was telling us about it I felt so challenged by how she viewed her time away and what she really valued from her trip. She made it clear that one of the main reasons she went, was to spend time with God and to get to know him better. She described the trip as 'life-changing' and some of the things He had spoken to her about. One of these (I hope you don't mind me putting on here!) was that she felt called to set up a Christian retreat at some point in her life. This would work like a home where people can stay for the purpose of spending time with God and enjoying good hospitality whilst having space to pray and read the Bible.
My friend has really challenged me about this idea of 'retreat'. I don't know many close friends who have gone on 'reatreats' or even just on holiday with the purpose of spending time with God. But the more I think about it, the more Biblical it seems! Jesus spent time in the desert listening to God and being away from all other distractions before beginning his ministry in earnest. I'm not talking about becoming a monk/nun, shut away from the world which I personally don't see as a Biblical way of living. Just a short time to reconnect and show your commitment to your relationship with God. I certainly have never approached a holiday with the same attitude as my friend and I really respect and admire her way of thinking.
I have talked to J about all of this and my desire to have a day or even just a morning of 'retreat' before the baby arrives and demands all my time. My idea is to take a day trip to one of my favourite places, just me and my Bible, whilst he looks after Chloe. I am really looking forward to this special time with God which feels so badly needed!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Whose baby is it?
I was watching a programme the other evening on community midwives and their role of visiting women after they've had their babies. It showed how they are there to offer support to the mum but also to watch closely how they are getting on to make sure the baby is being looked after correctly. Sadly in the programme they discussed cases where the mum was deemed to not be coping and how they were referred to a board for babies 'at risk'. The mum would then have to attend meetings to show how they were able to care for their baby. I understand how necessary that role is but the thought of your baby being taken away or even the suspicion being raised that you aren't a fit mother must be terrifying!
It made me think about how as mums we can be very defensive about our way of raising our children and have the attitude of 'it's my baby so I'll do things my way'. I feel challenged that this isn't always a Biblical view. Are our children really 'ours'? As seen in the programme, even in the secular world children aren't yours by right. There is a responsibility that comes with being a parent and if you don't live up to that then they may be taken away.
Thinking about this in a less extreme way, do we have a right to tell others to 'butt out' of commenting on our parenting and to do things our way instead? I think a Biblical view would be that advice and wisdom from others should be teasured and not dismissed because it rubs us the wrong way. I think sometimes we need to be more generous with our children, not just when taking advice but allowing others into their lives.
I'll give you a couple of examples. We are often blessed by family members or friends giving us clothes for Chloe. Some of them aren't to our taste, not inappropriate but just not what we would choose. I have been challenged that it is quite selfish of me to deny that person seeing my daughter in something they've bought because of my personal preferences about clothes. Chloe certainly doesn't care!
Another example - Someone close to us may be having an event or party which they would like us all to come to. It may be something that would clash with Chloe's bedtime or a nap or just something which I know may be quite difficult for us to entertain Chloe at. There is a sense of putting Chloe's needs first but on occasions skipping a nap or going to be late is perfectly fine and to avoid something because it may 'difficult' is denying someone time with the whole family.
One final example which has happened recently is from Chloe's 2nd birthday. We were away camping over the actual birthday and were planning to celebrate whilst we were away. However we had a small party for her with family before we went so that they didn't miss out. In the end we invited a couple of close friends who weren't going on the camp as well. But because we invited a couple of friends, this meant that some others who we are very close to were excluded. In hindsight I should have shaken off my worries about a 'big' party and invited some more close friends so they could celebrate with us. Chloe is special to lots of people and I need to learn to be more generous with her, as I know this can lead to hurt feelings for those who love her but are excluded.
I feel very blessed to have been given such a wonderful little girl who is loved by so many people.I love seeing how everyone wants to interact and spend time with her at church. I don't want to be clingy mum who tries to hog her or over-protect her to the detriment of her relationship with family and friends. I want to be generous with family and make sure everyone gets to spend quality time with Chloe. I know that God has only given Chloe to us for a relatively short time and after that she will leave home and our care to go out into the world. She is no more 'mine' than anything else God has blessed me with.
It made me think about how as mums we can be very defensive about our way of raising our children and have the attitude of 'it's my baby so I'll do things my way'. I feel challenged that this isn't always a Biblical view. Are our children really 'ours'? As seen in the programme, even in the secular world children aren't yours by right. There is a responsibility that comes with being a parent and if you don't live up to that then they may be taken away.
Thinking about this in a less extreme way, do we have a right to tell others to 'butt out' of commenting on our parenting and to do things our way instead? I think a Biblical view would be that advice and wisdom from others should be teasured and not dismissed because it rubs us the wrong way. I think sometimes we need to be more generous with our children, not just when taking advice but allowing others into their lives.
I'll give you a couple of examples. We are often blessed by family members or friends giving us clothes for Chloe. Some of them aren't to our taste, not inappropriate but just not what we would choose. I have been challenged that it is quite selfish of me to deny that person seeing my daughter in something they've bought because of my personal preferences about clothes. Chloe certainly doesn't care!
Another example - Someone close to us may be having an event or party which they would like us all to come to. It may be something that would clash with Chloe's bedtime or a nap or just something which I know may be quite difficult for us to entertain Chloe at. There is a sense of putting Chloe's needs first but on occasions skipping a nap or going to be late is perfectly fine and to avoid something because it may 'difficult' is denying someone time with the whole family.
One final example which has happened recently is from Chloe's 2nd birthday. We were away camping over the actual birthday and were planning to celebrate whilst we were away. However we had a small party for her with family before we went so that they didn't miss out. In the end we invited a couple of close friends who weren't going on the camp as well. But because we invited a couple of friends, this meant that some others who we are very close to were excluded. In hindsight I should have shaken off my worries about a 'big' party and invited some more close friends so they could celebrate with us. Chloe is special to lots of people and I need to learn to be more generous with her, as I know this can lead to hurt feelings for those who love her but are excluded.
I feel very blessed to have been given such a wonderful little girl who is loved by so many people.I love seeing how everyone wants to interact and spend time with her at church. I don't want to be clingy mum who tries to hog her or over-protect her to the detriment of her relationship with family and friends. I want to be generous with family and make sure everyone gets to spend quality time with Chloe. I know that God has only given Chloe to us for a relatively short time and after that she will leave home and our care to go out into the world. She is no more 'mine' than anything else God has blessed me with.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Looking longer term
If you are a believer in Christ, don't you find that it is hard to keep a long term/ big picture view of your life? So, seeing your earthly life as only a small precursor to what is in store for us in heaven? It's so refreshing to suddenly come back to the realisation that this isn't all there is and my life isn't all about work/going to church/looking after Chloe/seeing friends etc. There is real meaning to my life!
We have recently been away on a Bible camp for 5 days (can you tell?!). I love times of being with my wider church family and having my horizons broadened. I think church can become very routine and sometimes events like these can break us out of this 'small' thinking. It's so thrilling to hear how God is working all over the place and then be inspired for what he can do back at home.
The best part for me was to introduce Chloe to an event like this. It's a new Bible camp for our church to go to and one that's really geared up for children. Next year she will be able to join the kids' work and I am excited for her to receive some teaching about God for herself. The community feel at Bible camps is great; in the mornings Chloe would be up and out saying 'morning!' to everyone who had emerged from their tents! She had fun getting to know some of the older children who were really kind and patient with her. There was no end of entertainment and people around with smiling faces willing to give time to my daughter and I LOVE that about the kingdom of God! Chloe also loved the meetings, which she came along to for the worship time. She was clapping and dancing and very excited when her favourite song 'Happy Day' came on. What a great experience for her.
I am very aware that I need to take a long term view at Chloe's life and realise that the grace that Jesus has shown me is also for my daughter who is in just as much need of it. I want to do all I can to enable her to experience God's love and know him as her personal saviour. Experiences like this camp are really important for her but Chloe also needs to be in a household which radiates God's presence and where he is talked about often. J and I are still in the process of talking through how our family's spriritual life is going to work (times of family prayer, Bible study, memory verses etc) but I am determined that it will be a top priority. Those of you who know us have full permission to keep us accountable on this!
In God's big picture my parenting isn't just for Chloe's sake or to make me look good. It's to glorify my wonderful saviour and to lead my little one to her heavenly Father x
We have recently been away on a Bible camp for 5 days (can you tell?!). I love times of being with my wider church family and having my horizons broadened. I think church can become very routine and sometimes events like these can break us out of this 'small' thinking. It's so thrilling to hear how God is working all over the place and then be inspired for what he can do back at home.
The best part for me was to introduce Chloe to an event like this. It's a new Bible camp for our church to go to and one that's really geared up for children. Next year she will be able to join the kids' work and I am excited for her to receive some teaching about God for herself. The community feel at Bible camps is great; in the mornings Chloe would be up and out saying 'morning!' to everyone who had emerged from their tents! She had fun getting to know some of the older children who were really kind and patient with her. There was no end of entertainment and people around with smiling faces willing to give time to my daughter and I LOVE that about the kingdom of God! Chloe also loved the meetings, which she came along to for the worship time. She was clapping and dancing and very excited when her favourite song 'Happy Day' came on. What a great experience for her.
I am very aware that I need to take a long term view at Chloe's life and realise that the grace that Jesus has shown me is also for my daughter who is in just as much need of it. I want to do all I can to enable her to experience God's love and know him as her personal saviour. Experiences like this camp are really important for her but Chloe also needs to be in a household which radiates God's presence and where he is talked about often. J and I are still in the process of talking through how our family's spriritual life is going to work (times of family prayer, Bible study, memory verses etc) but I am determined that it will be a top priority. Those of you who know us have full permission to keep us accountable on this!
In God's big picture my parenting isn't just for Chloe's sake or to make me look good. It's to glorify my wonderful saviour and to lead my little one to her heavenly Father x
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