Today had a rocky start. Chloe was in such a grumpy mood - still not sure why, possibly teething (although that does become the excuse for everything!). I also had food shopping to do and housework so nothing interesting going on this morning. A few things happened which put in a bad mood and when I looked at why they annoyed me, it wasn't the things themselves but the way they made me doubt my parenting capabilities and decisions. For example, Chloe again was mucking around on the stairs when she was supposed to be coming down. I had my hands full so couldn't pick her up and was waiting just below her to supervise her. She was wavering at the top, knowing that I wanted her to turn round and come down backwards but thought it was funny to pretend to come down front ways. In the end I got so frustrated that I closed the stairgate at the top of the stairs and left her there. Supposedly this was to teach Chloe that she either stays upstairs or comes down but that she can't play there. But she got so upset I immediately felt horribly guilty for letting her think she was going to be left by herself.
Again at the supermarket I ended up doubting my skills as a parent, as I looked at my list of meals for the week and realised that I was only making a few meals completely from scratch - no ready meals, but quite a few jarred sauces. I know this isn't the end of the world and I'm happy to do a mix of cutting corners and 'proper' family meals but there's a nagging guilt that it's not good enough. It's made worse by having talented friends who always cook from scratch and spend their spare time sewing, quilting, knitting etc!
Another moment of guilt was back home after shopping, when I really needed to get everything put away before Jon brought a friend round for lunch and Chloe was getting in the way. I resorted to turning on the TV to CBeeebies to keep her in one place and out of mischief. Again, TV isn't bad and can be a lifesaver but still I feel the guilt! I imagine people saying 'Well my child doesn't watch any TV'.
I know this post sounds very negative and perhaps isn't painting me in a good light (!) but I feel it's helpful to be truthful about the battles mums face and the decisions they have to make every day. Guilt is such a strong emotion for mums and I'm sure it's because of the massive job we've been given in raising children, especially when you want to raise Godly children. I felt challenged to change my thinking to be positive about my skills as a parent - linking in with my last blog about guarding thoughts. So here are a few things that I feel I am good at:
- Structure. From when Chloe was little I built a structure into our day which meant that she learnt to sleep during the night and have regular naps, which means she always knows what's coming and is happy with that.
- Setting clear standards. Chloe has learnt to sleep in her cot, in her own room from an early age and (at the moment!) will rarely make a fuss about going to sleep. I have also been firm about food and Chloe does not get offered an alternative if she is picky about food. This means she will eat most things.
- Praise and affirmation. I lose track of the number of times I praise Chloe and tell her that I love her or give physical affection during the day.
- Confidence with other people. Because I haven't been clingy or overly protective with Chloe, I believe this has helped her to be confident around other people and adjusts quickly to new situations.
That's made me feel loads better! I think it's something that mums should do regularly instead of always feeling weighed down by guilt. If you are a mum try to think of 3 things you've done WELL today!
No comments:
Post a Comment