Aims for 2014

Hi all! 2013 has been a bit of a mad year for us and I have to say I feel a little nervous about 2014, with my parents leaving, decisions about work and Chloe starting school. But when I look back on hard times even this year I KNOW God has been faithful and is with me all the way (see my previous post on 'the next path').

I want to have some direction for the year but also don't think in quite up for committing to resolutions so here are a few aims.

- Focus on my marriage. I feel like J and I have been ploughing through family life for most of this year. You know, when doing 'life' seems to take all your time and energy and you don't have time for much else. Tonight will be our first time leaving Livia (with my parents) so we haven't really had much of a break. I want to get much better at date nights and prioritising talking about us and not just the kids.

- Time with Chloe. My big girl is off to school in a matter of months and I don't want to waste this special time with her. I thought briefly about increasing her preschool sessions but I don't think I will after all, so we have time free to spend together. I'm going to miss her!

- Read the Bible everyday and have regular worship sessions. I pray every day without fail but these are often 'help me' prayers with little time enjoying God. I need to prioritise quality time with God and make sure I read even a verse of the Bible every day. I manage to go on Facebook every day so there really is no excuse! I want it to be my daily bread and get my sustenance from God, not my own strength.

Those are all quite serious aims for the year! But I feel in quite a serious mood this new year. A little like I'm preparing for battle! I am hoping the coming year won't be quite as difficult as I'm envisaging. At least I'm starting it off at a fun party this evening and even a lie-in on New Year's Day!

The most important role as a parent

I have been reminded over the last few days at Christmas that my most important role as a parent is to love my children. When you are around family and at lots of dinners and parties and public occasions, there can be pressure for your children to behave and possibly times when you feel they are being compared or judged. Children are often over-excited, can be ungrateful, can get the wrong idea about Christmas, can throw tantrums, say inappropriate things and if you are with people who aren't used to young children it can be embarrassing!

Normally in these situations I panic about my powers as a parent to discipline, worry that I'm doing something wrong, worry how others will see me etc. But I feel like God has opened my eyes to my most important role as a parent this Christmas and that is to love my children. I feel like I need to add the usual disclaimer that this includes teaching them the right way to behave, but there is so much more than this! 

Therefore, I am doing my job correctly if my children feel loved and secure, rather than minding their p's and q's and sitting good as gold at the dinner table. I want my children to understand grace and patience by the way I treat them, not the law and condemnation.

Thank you Jesus for being born into this broken world and coming to bring your grace and love. What an amazing example for us.

Christmas time

I really enjoy hearing about how people celebrate Christmas and how different families have different traditions; so, here is a snapshot of our Christmas.

This year we spent a few days before Christmas and Christmas Day at my grandparents with the whole of my family. I have a very small extended family so we normally manage to all get together at some point over Christmas. When we stay with my grandparents on Christmas Eve we always go to a traditional candlelit carol service at their C of E Church. This was a bit of a challenge with a three year old and a 10-month-old but I'm so glad we tried because we managed to keep them occupied between us the whole service. It is the ultimate way to feel Christmassy, belting out Hark the Herald Angels Sing and holding candles (or a baby!) in a beautiful church.

On Christmas Day morning we had the whole family experience of all piling onto the bed and opening stockings. Then checking the mantelpiece to see if Father Christmas had eaten his cake and drunk his apple juice (Chloe's choices). Then church, then massive lunch, then opening all the rest of the presents, then Christmas TV. I think our Christmas day is pretty traditional! (But wouldn't change it!).

Boxing day we drove down to stay with J's parents. Although they only live round the corner we wanted to stay overnight so that we got more time with them and had some childfree time once the girls had gone to bed. It can be a bit tiring doing one day with one family, one day with the other, but at the same time it's also nice that the celebrations don't have to stop after Christmas day. I really believe in being fair with the time that we spend with both families as well. 

The next few days we have more family celebrations but also lots of time with lovely friends which I'm really looking forward to. Last night we saw some old friends and i found it so refreshing to have a change from seeing family and all the emotions that can come with that (although I do love my family lots!!).

I hope you all had really wonderful Christmases. What a special time of year and I'm so glad we get to do it again next year and the year after and the year after etc.

The next path

God gave me a picture a while ago which is very relevant for me at the moment and I keep returning to it so I thought maybe it might bless others too. In a month's time my parents are returning as missionaries to India for a couple of years. I don't want to discuss too much on here how I feel about it (a mixture of pride and sadness!) but I think if you are a parent you must know how valuable grandparents are to the parents and children and be able to imagine how it must feel to have them the other side of the world.

Anyway, the picture was of a father leading a child down a path. He wasn't dragging the child or leading the child anywhere dangerous or bad for the child. He was lovingly taking the child down the right path, where he would be there to protect and encourage along the way. This has been so helpful to me in the times when I just want time to stop and things to stay as they are; I know that despite me thinking that the future is a horrible, scary place, it can't be because my father is leading me there. Or when I am going through a difficult time and feel alone, I know that my heavenly Father is holding my hand through it.

One example of this picture helping was this morning when I came to give Livia her morning breastfeed (the only feed I'm still doing myself) and she completely rejected it. J quickly made a bottle and she was immediately happy again. I made the decision that this was probably the sign that my breastfeeding journey with Livia was over. I did sneakily give her a breastfeed after she had got over her initial hunger with the bottle but that will be the last one. I feel really sad about stopping feeding her, especially as this may be our last baby (who knows!). I miss the closeness and snuggliness of it already. But I feel like God told me clearly that this was to be the last time and blessed me by keeping Chloe asleep until 8am so I could have that special time with Livia! He is leading me on and I know that there will be other special ways I can be close to Livia in the future.

If you are going into a new season or something scary then I hope this picture will bless you. God the most amazing Father is holding your hand and keeping you safe on this new path.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Eeek I'm so excited about Christmas this year! I think as my children get older, my sense of anticipation for celebrating with them gets stronger. This has been the first year where we have has lots of Christmas related activities to go to: a preschool concert, preschool party, toddler group party and church nativity play.

Chloe takes the performances very seriously. She has loved rehearsing and coming home, telling me importantly all the songs she has to learn. At the preschool concert we could hear her singing all the way at our seats in the back.

When you have preschool children it does feel a bit like you learn about Christmas with them every year. At this age they can't remember a year ago and so the magic is fresh again every year. I really love love love seeing the Christmas lights, the tree, the carols, the parties etc through Chloe's eyes. And most importantly teaching her about Jesus' birth and the meaning behind her nativity play at church.

Of course I'm not forgetting that it is Livia's first Christmas either. For her, I'm just excited by all the time with family and getting to play with lots of different people. Oh and eating Christmas dinner for the first time! 

Ahh Christmas is the best!

Thank you Jesus for this special time celebrating your birth. I pray that as my girls grow up they will take in the real meaning behind Christmas and not get lost in the tinsel, Rudolph and dressing up. May our family always honour you first.

Baby and me

I don't Iike to give advice to other mums too much if I can help myself, as I think that every family is so different and parents can have such different views about how to raise children. However one thing that I really wanted to recommend to parents who are having their second child is to try and find some time in the week to have alone time with your new baby.

Today I have been really valuing quality time with Livia whilst Chloe is at preschool. Often I have to spend these precious hours going food shopping or I sometimes meet a friend who doesn't have children/has a baby for a coffee (ie - activities that are much simpler without Chloe!). But I do try to leave this time free when I can because it is so nice to have Livia all to myself.

When I went through a rough patch when Livia was about 2/3 months old, I think it was partly caused by feeling like I wasn't meeting the needs of either of my children and lacking this quality time. Now, I get special time with Chloe when Livia has her two naps and time with Livia when Chloe is at preschool. I can't tell you how much better this has made me feel.

If it is impossible for you to have alone time with your second child then I don't want you to feel guilty. I can understand that if you had your children close together this might not be possible. I don't think your baby will notice! But I have just loved having special moments with Livia and needed to share how these have blessed me. As Livia is heading towards becoming a toddler, I want to stop and appreciate her baby-scrumminess as much as I can!

Ps - Just to add that we now have this time naturally through Chloe being preschool age. However before this, I did a baby massage class whilst my mother-in-law had Chloe and then I started Chloe in preschool a bit early (only 2 sessions a week). 

Me?

Mums often lament that after having children they don't feel 'like themselves' anymore. They lose their identity and become just 'mum'. I can fully sympathise with this feeling but I have to say that since becoming a mum I feel like I know more about myself and I'm making more effort to 'be true to myself' (deep, isn't it?!)

I'll try to explain. I have always been a bit intimidated by taking to people I don't know. I have often been labelled 'shy' in the past, especially by my own family and family friends. I think people often label you as a child and expect you to stay the same for eternity! Since having children I suddenly had lots of people I didn't know who I could easily chat to and not feel self conscious. Having children gives you an instant common ground. I think in general this has helped me to be more confident and 'myself' in other circumstances too. 

I think as a mum you often have to work hard to develop your own interests and the pressure on your own spare time can help you to realise what is important. I don't feel guilty about time to myself, thinking about non-mummy things; God has given me lots of different passions and desires which should not contradict being a wife and mum. I will prioritise reading, making cards, writing, spending quality time with people (ok, as well as watching trashy tv and going on the internet!). But I think I am a lot more grateful for times of rest and use that time better. 

I have attached a photo of a painting my husband bought me for my birthday to this post. It is a Waterhouse painting of Penelope waiting for her husband Odysseus to return home after 20 years with no news, whilst the suitors try to persuade her to marry them. She has tricked them by saying she will choose one of them when she finishes weaving a shroud. However every night she unpicks her work so she will never finish. I really love this painting and it reflects my interest in Classics and romance. I'm not sure if I would have spent money on a painting like this 5 years ago. I know it won't be to everyone's taste but that's ok. I like having reminders around me of my interests and what makes me, me. The hubby likes it because it's of a wife remaining faithful to her husband so that works out well!

If you're a mum, maybe think about what is important to you and the dreams and desires God has placed in your heart. What makes you, you?

New blog!

This is a quick note to say that I am so grateful to everyone who reads this blog! I am always amazed people want to read my ramblings :)

I want to keep this blog centered on parenting and my faith. As you may know, I love researching names and discussing them with people. So I have decided to set up a blog about names! I will discuss a name, a theme or a trend in each post. The link is below, feel free to take a look.

http://thenamery.blogspot.co.uk/2013/11/benedict.html?m=1

Conversations

I've had a couple of tricky conversations with Chloe this week. One was funny, the other was not.

The funny conversation was about how Chloe needs to stop talking about my boobies! She told everyone at dinner round my parents that 'Livia bites mummy's boobies'; thanks darling. There was a lot if laughter which led to her repeating it over and over! Chloe then said to me the other day that my boobies were 'beautiful' - don't panic, she meant my jumper not my boobs! I don't tend to wander round in the nude! (Can you see why I want this blog to stay a secret from my pupils at school!) So I had to try and explain why we don't talk about boobies in public. Not sure she's got that one yet which is a little worrying.

The second tricky conversation happened when Chloe opened the door to some Jehovah's Witnesses whilst I was upstairs. I had to explain to her that it was dangerous to open the door when I wasn't there. Naturally she wanted to know why. I explained that sometimes there weren't very nice people around who might take her away or hurt her. I don't know whether this was a bit too much for a 3 year old but my heart was still racing from finding her taking to strangers at the front door so I guess I was trying to scare her a little. 

Chloe then broke my heart by saying, 'But naughty people don't exist do they'. I think she was treating this idea like the monsters that I always tell her are not real. I felt awful having to tell her that, yes they are real, but that she didn't have to worry about them because I was looking after her and God was too.

I can't wait to be in God's kingdom where the 'naughty people' don't exist.

'Mummy, did you have a good day at work?'

Yes, my 3 year old daughter actually asked me this question this evening. I was a bit taken aback but really touched by her thoughtfulness (ok so she was probably mainly copying how I always ask her if she has had a good day, but hey, still impressive to me!). We then had a really nice conversation about what I do at work. I've never really shared with Chloe about the school I work at ('it's called a boarding school so some pupils live there', 'only girls are allowed at mummy's school' and 'we eat dinner all together in a big hall'). She was really interested and kept asking 'and then what?' Se enjoyed hearing stories about pupils being 'naughty' the most. We then had to play schools whilst the girls had dinner (Livia was the teacher). 

It was nice to combine my two worlds and share that part of my life with Chloe. She even learnt some Latin...

Me: 'puella means girl.'

Chloe: 'that sounds like poo. Ugh stinky!'

Ha! And back to being a 3 year old :)

Fragile

I have noticed a change in Chloe the last couple of weeks, due to her growing up rather than anything that has happened (I think). She seems much more 'fragile' all of a sudden. She has always been my fierce, confident, headstrong little warrior. It is very rare that she will cry on being left or be intimidated by a situation. Or at least that is how I have viewed her. But recently I have been reminded of how fragile and precious she is and how she needs protecting and encouraging.

Chloe is suddenly becoming worried and fearful of things. I think this is partly due to an amazing imagination but also more of an awareness of consequences. 2 year old Chloe might be told she can borrow something but must be careful not to break it and she will swing it around, sit on it and not really care. However this situation happened to 3 year old Chloe today and she has been worrying about breaking it since ('mummy you must be very careful, hold it in two hands!'). She is also fearful of the dark and being outside after it's dark (which is so early now!) and also of roads and being hit by a car. In the car park the other day she became upset when I went to pay for the parking because she thought I might be hit by a car.

I also saw a fragile side to my daughter when I went to help out at her preschool on Monday. I was really intrigued to see Chloe interacting with the other children and what she was like in an environment where she was more independent. However, with me there, she didn't want to leave my side and was upset when the other children want to play with me. There are some loud characters there, even louder than her, and she seemed quite intimidated. I felt so protective of her in this new social environment.

I feel a little unsure of how to support Chloe with these fears. I try to encourage her and reassure her without saying that she is silly for feeling this way. I remind her of God's love for her and that he's always with her. I'm now aware that I probably need to have a softer way with her than I have before. I love discovering new things about my children. Knowing Chloe's weaknesses has made me love her more. I have that fierce mother's desire to protect and fight for my daughter and her little heart.

Disney love

Now Chloe is old enough, we have started to make our way through all the old Disney films. So far we have watched Jungle Book, Aristocats, Robin Hood, Cinderella and Peter Pan. Chloe LOVES Peter Pan! All her games at the moment are pirate-related.

We also have a Disney CD in the car so I can't escape it! But I must admit that I am really enjoying all the Disney. There's something so magical about the castle appearing at the beginning and that sense of anticipation which I had as a child before the film began. I love how enchanted Chloe is with the stories and how they capture her imagination. 

Hurrah for snuggling under a blanket (perhaps with some chocolate treats!) and settling down for a Disney film all together. 

"Can a woman forget...?"

"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. 

Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me."

Isaiah 49:15-16

I am thankful this evening for the love that God has given me for my children. I thank my Heavenly Father for giving me a glimpse of his love for us through the way I feel towards my two girls.

I want to protect them, fight for them and pick them back up. I want to encourage them, teach them, lead them and challenge them. I want to strengthen them, empower them and build them up. I want them to know I am always proud of them and love them no matter what.

It really upsets me to see stories of children neglected or mistreated by their parents. We can't believe it when we hear those sort of things. It seems like it has always been this way; the verse from Isaiah above asks, 'Can a woman forget?' 

Thank you Lord that even when mothers do 'forget' (or neglect or mistreat), you have us engraved on your hands, always remembered. I love you Father. I want to learn from your example.

LOUD

Children can be so loud! I know this is an obvious statement but I am really struggling with Chloe's loudness at the moment! To the point where I am wondering if it normal and if we should get her hearing tested. She does have recurring ear infections so I suppose it is possible her hearing has been affected. What do you think?

When she was a baby it was funny when she made loud noises. Now Livia is finding her voice, we often praise her for babbling and squealing. But with Chloe at age 3, it is so much harder to accept! She will shout when she's playing make-believe games, scream when she's frustrated, shout to get our attention, sing at the top her lungs etc.

I don't want to be a spoilsport or not allow Chloe to be a child but I can't take the noise all of the time! I do sometimes get comments about how loud she is so perhaps I am justified in wondering if it is normal? I think I will book a dr's appointment just to get it checked out so we know.

It's funny how children love to make noise. Livia loves to find something which she can happily bang on our wooden floor. She went through a stage a couple of weeks ago where she would scream (in a happy way) all the time. It got a few strange looks when out shopping!

Maybe I'm just destined I have noisy children! I think it comes from having a noisy husband ;)

Praying for wisdom for when to challenge the loudness and when to let it go. And for grace to accept my children as they are.

Unhappy day

Do you ever have days where your children all seem to be unhappy for some reason? We are having one of those days. Chloe was up several times in the night because of bad dreams again (as far as I can tell). Then Livia woke at 5am having been sick everywhere! Cue complete bed change etc.

Despite lack of sleep I was actually feeling quite positive this morning. We went out to a park with my mum and brother who is visiting at the moment. Chloe was not in a cooperative mood and acted like Miss Stroppy Pants most of the time. Livia was still feeling poorly with an explosive nappy and not wanting her milk. So not a hugely successful outing!

Then after Chloe got back from preschool this afternoon it was clear something had happened which had upset her. I couldn't work out what it was and Chloe 'didn't want to talk about it' (when did she become a teenager?!). I think it's to do with not being the part she wanted in the Christmas play which they have been rehearsing. I rang the preschool to find out more but had to leave a message as it's closed for the day. I'm not sure if this was the right thing to do as it led to complete meltdown for Chloe. Perhaps this means that she is being over-dramatic, that nothing really happened happened and she is now embarrassed? 

Whilst this was all happening I tried to put Livia down for a nap, as she's been carted around all day without a proper sleep. But because she's feeling unwell she did not want to be left and also started crying. Two very unhappy children!  

Thankfully they have both fallen asleep - Chloe on the sofa next to me and Livia in her cot. Perhaps all this unhappiness is because of a hectic weekend (fireworks!) and resulting tiredness. Who knows!

Home x

When we first got married we didn't have much money left over to set up a home. I was also only 20 (yes, 20) and, to be honest, home decor was not on my list of interests. We quickly went out and bought enough Ikea furniture to keep us going; begging and borrowing the things we couldn't afford to buy. I did make an effort to make the house look nice (a pot plant here, a feature wall there); but I didn't give much thought as to what I liked.

At the moment we are going through a bit of an uncertain stage for various reasons and it means that for now we will be staying in our current house. In one way this isn't so great as it is a small 2 bedroom house with only one living area which doesn't leave much space for our 2 children to spread themselves around in. In another way it's great: we love the area where we live - the school we are hoping for Chloe to go to is nearby, there's a fun park, lovely neighbours etc. We have never had trouble here and I would love to stay in this neighbourhood.

Staying in this house has made me all the more determined to make it feel like 'home'. We have embarked upon several projects in the last year; most notably upcycling a sideboard and creating a 'favourite poem canvas' for our living room. I'm not the most crafty person but enjoy simple home-improvement projects. I love having compliments on things we have worked on ourselves. It's also a fun activity to do with J in the evenings.

Our next task is to paint the living room and up the stairs. We are thinking of doing two adjoining walls in a grey/green or duck egg blue colour with the rest white. We will then replace our dark curtains to bring more light into the room too.

I'm already feeling so much more satisfied with our home now that there are a few more personal touches and we have replaced some of the furniture that felt impersonal and bought for convenience not style. And I should mention that this has all been done very cheaply! If you work on something yourself you have the pleasure of creating something unique and getting it a lot more cheaply!

I realise this post is probably stating the obvious and many people do projects like this all the time and it's no big deal to them. I wanted to share because I am trying to change my mindset about 'needing' a new house and being content. This verse has been challenging me recently:

But godliness with contentment is great gain

1Tim 6:6

I know that at the right time God will provide a new house for us but until then I need to be content with where we are. One way I can do that is by making it a place where my family can express themselves and feel relaxed.

'Teach them diligently to your children...'

'5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.'

Deut 6:5-7

I always wonder whether Chloe takes in the things that I try to teach her about Jesus. I sometimes wonder whether I talk about Him enough. I like this verse because it tells us to talk about loving God as we walk through life with our children. It takes the pressure off having formal times of 'let me teach you about Jesus'. It should be natural in the normal course of life.

This evening was really encouraging for me. There was a loud thunderstorm and Chloe for the first time ever was quite freaked out by it. She is naturally very brave and so put on a courageous face ('Mummy I'm a bit scared of the banging') but I could tell she was close to tears. I put some music on my iPod for her to listen to so she couldn't hear it so loudly.

A few minutes later Chloe called me again but this time with real tears and said, 'mummy, when the music finishes I'm going to be scared again.' I reassured her and gave her a cuddle. She then said to me, 'Remember Jesus lives in my heart.' I said that was right and He would make her brave. She then tearfully asked me to pray for her, which of course I did!

It makes me so happy to think that Chloe's automatic response to feeling fearful is to think of Jesus. We have only had a few conversations about the Holy Spirit living inside of her so I feel like it must have been God that has allowed that truth to stay with Chloe. I now have a peacefully sleeping little girl :)

If his grace were an ocean...

I've been listening to 'How He Loves Us' on the Passion:Awakening worship album. It's a song that has helped me to look up to God through hard times in the past. At the moment I'm feeling a little anxious about things; mainly financial and relational. I know we're about to go through a potentially difficult season again and I sometimes let that affect how I see the future. I lose my hope. But this song is reminding me of God's great LOVE and that he will never put me through anything I cannot bear. Here are some lyrics:

When all of a sudden I am all aware 
Of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful you are 
And how great your affections are for me

Oh, how He loves us...

If his grace were an ocean, we are all sinking.

Knowing that all I need in life is God's love is so freeing. It is all encompassing and eclipses all the worries and anxieties that have been burdening me. Thank you Jesus.

Bye bye baby

In the last few weeks Livia has been really changing. She has started crawling, sitting more confidently and even pulling herself up on things. It's been weird to get to that stage again of being careful what is left on the floor and where are the potential hazards? We will soon need stair gates back up and fragile items moved beyond her reach.

When Chloe was at this stage I was really excited (although she didn't crawl until 10 months, so Livia has beaten her by 2 months!). I was willing her to get to the next milestone and felt concerned if other babies in the antenatal group got there first.

This time round I feel really sad! I have so loved having a baby again and have appreciated how simple their needs are. A baby generally needs feeding, cuddling, sleep, changing or perhaps medicine. Toddlers and children are so much more complex! I have loved how easy it is to occupy Livia and make her smile. She perfectly content with games of peep-bo or being given a new toy to munch on. I love how she smiles at me when I make silly noises or faces. It's great to put her down and know she'll still be there when I turn around again.

But those days are already slipping away and I know I need to embrace this new stage. I may not have a tiny baby anymore but she is still a baby for a few more months. I think I'm finding the reality of not having anymore babies quite hard to face (not that I have to make that decision yet). Livia is still very cute when she plods into the kitchen after me and gives me a big smile. 

I have a couple of friends who have just told me they are pregnant so I will just have to enjoy their tiny newborns to get my 'baby-fix'! 

Name nerdiness

I have posted before about how I am a baby names nerd. I love reading blogs, forums and even you tube videos about baby names. There's something so special about choosing someone's name for them. What a massive (but fun!) responsibility! My first thought when someone tells me they're pregnant is: what will they call their baby?? And when someone announces their baby's name I love finding out their reasons for the name. I don't necessarily judge names; I find it interesting how we all have our own naming styles (and sometimes don't realise it!).

I'm sad that I can't talk about Chloe and Livia's real names (for the sake of privacy & because I work as a teacher). But those are two names I really like too! I would say our naming style is slightly modern with a European twist. I like to use uncommon names but not really unusual (Chloe is an exception here! = very common). I would say top 100 but not top 25 (if you want to know how popular names are, check out the Office for National Statistics).

People don't realise that they often favour certain letters/sounds in names. These help names to 'go' with sibling names. Our two girls have 'eh' and 's' sounds in their names. I haven't told my friends that I like to analyse their children's names but here are a few observations. I have a friend who uses names with 'm' and 'o' sounds. Another friend who has 'ee' sounds at the end of names. Another who likes double letters. Another who has 2 syllable names with the stress on the first syllable. Are you bored yet?!

So there you go. More goes into naming than you realise! We didn't think to ourselves 'we need names with these sounds in them'; it just happened naturally. I haven't even gone into themes (nature, occupation, surname-names, granny chic etc) or length (all 3 syllable etc). There are lots of reasons for liking names. What makes you like a name? Really interested to hear!

Edit:

Reading this back I realise maybe I should have put in some examples but it was difficult as I don't really want to list other children's names. I'll give you a couple of made up ones.

Oscar and Ava - strong 'ah' sound at the end.

Juliet and Lauretta - strong 't' sound.

Benjamin and Oliver - noticeable 'i' sound and same syllables.

Michael and Simon (my brothers!) - 'i' and 'm' sounds.

Family dynamics

As Livia gets older I'm really enjoying the way our family works together and interacts. The girls seem more individual now that Livia is older and developing new skills; it's lovely to watch their relationship forming. On the one hand Chloe is fiesty, outgoing, imaginative (and bossy!). Livia is my bundle of smiles; a bit more timid but just as determined and interested in everything. Usually Livia will crawl around the living room exploring what Chloe has left out and stopping to laugh at her sister as she bounces around in her own pretend world. Chloe is very fond of being the centre of attention and sees it as her job to get Livia to giggle (usually a good thing until she ends up jumping on her or trying to pick her up!).

Currently one of my favourite times of day is story and song time before bed. The girls are both bathed and in their pyjamas. J takes Livia on his lap, I will cuddle up with Chloe and they both sit as good as gold as we read together. Then they both get under the covers in cot/bed and we sing a song (about God!) before they sleep. Chloe loves to be stroked on her arm or back whilst we do this and Livia loves listening to us sing. She never fails to give us a huge smile! I don't know another time when they are both so quiet. Then kisses and cuddles before J and I get a well-deserved rest :)

Fleeting...

Behold, you have made my days a few handbreadths, and my lifetime is as nothing before you. Surely all mankind stands as a mere breath!

Psalm 39:5

It's such a cliche but my goodness how time flies! I used to think verses like the one above were a bit dramatic but I am starting to understand more and more how fleeting life is and how little time we actually get at each stage.

It's easy to think when you have a child that 'this is it, for the rest of my life'. You feel like your identity is now 'mum' and will always be. It's true that you will now be a mum for the rest of your life but your role is forever changing and being a mum is never a static position. You change from being breast-feeder to bottom-wiper to craft-organiser to discipliner to school-runner and so on.

I took Chloe to a party today with some mums from another church who I know lots about but don't see too often. Every time I do see them, I am amazed by how much the children have all changed. It was also noticeable today that many of the older children have now gone to school. Some of those mums will be nearing the end of the going-to-parties-during-the-week stage (at least in term time). I find that such a strange thought!

Tomorrow we have Chloe's first school visit. We are choosing between 3 primary schools for her ready for next September. It's very surreal that I am nearing the end of my time with her at home. I have very mixed feelings about it, as I will miss her terribly but I am also so excited to see her grow and flourish at school. Being a teacher helps, I think, because I really love education and know what wonderful places schools can be.

Having said that, I know I will be the mum who comes home and cries the first day Chloe is at school!

Some thoughts on breastfeeding

I've been thinking about breast feeding recently. Livia is now on two bottles of formula a day (with no expressed breast milk added now). I am planning on replacing the lunchtime breast feed with a bottle in the next month so I no longer need to express at school. That will leave me with the morning and evening breast feeds which I am planning to continue for now.

At this stage with Chloe I had already nearly finished weaning her off the boob and replaced all her feeds with formula. I was done with breast feeding and felt no longing to continue. There was no reason why I had to stop, other than I wanted my body back, wanted to wear normal clothes/bras and just felt ready.

This time however, I feel completely different and am mourning every feed I have dropped. I have had a much easier time breastfeeding with Livia and I'm so much more relaxed about nursing in public too. I have truly enjoyed it. I love the closeness and the feeling that my body is providing for Livia. I especially appreciate it because of Livia's allergies.

I have never been a massive breastfeeding advocate. As in, I love breastfeeding and would always try to breastfeed my children. But I don't agree with the pressure put on women to breastfeed and understand the reasons why people choose formula. I think it is much more important for women to feel confident and relaxed in the early stages of motherhood.

I am also interested in the effects that breastfeeding has on your emotions. How being able/ not able to breastfeed and dropping breastfeeds can have a severe impact on how you feel. I have recently been feeling a bit wobbly again and it has come at the same time as drastically dropping the amount I am feeding Livia. I wonder whether my hormones are affected by this and then make me feel more emotional than usual? Don't know!

Anyway, so here's my tribute to breastfeeding and the wonderful experience that it is. I am so happy I have been able to breastfeed my children and I know that when it's right for me to stop God will make that clear too.

Fab-li-ous!

We've been having a bit of a rough week. Chloe had a cold/cough which has lasted aages and eventually turned into a double ear infection. Antibiotics again! And now she is better, Livia has developed a horrible cough too.

But in the midst of all this poorliness, we has a funny moment at bathtime the other day. Chloe was in the bath and I was feeding Livia next door (J was working late). Chloe was playing with these dress-up doll stickers she has for the bath. I could hear her saying 'try these glasses on. Wow you look wonderful. You are fab-li-ous (fabulous)!' 

No idea where she's picked that from lol!

Busy weeks

It feels like this week is the proper start of the new term. Chloe has gone back to preschool today, my work is as it's going to be (ie no more insets) and my parents and J are all at work too.

I quite like the busy-ness of term time and having a structure to our weeks. In sure in a few weeks I'll be pining for the freedom of the holidays, but generally I think a little regularity is good for me. When you have preschool children, especially if you aren't working, a week is a loooong time to find things to occupy them!

This is what our week looks like:

Monday: Chloe at preschool (pm)

Tuesday: Work (my mother-in -law has the girls)

Wednesday: Work (MIL or J have the girls, alternates each week)

Thursday: Chloe at preschool (am)

Friday: Freeeeee

I have purposefully left Friday with nothing organised so that I have space in the week to go and visit friends or go out for the day. It's also useful for long weekends etc. As Chloe gets closer to starting school I may introduce another preschool session to get her used to going more but I'm undecided about that. I also quite want her to start swimming lessons in January so I need to squeeze that in somewhere!

So, that's our week! It's going to be strange adjusting but today has gone well. Chloe enjoyed being back at preschool but came home exhausted so is now having a late nap. Probably better wake her up or she'll never sleep later!

Talk soon :)

Back to work... the verdict

I did it! I started back at work! It's been a crazy, at times stressful, but very successful couple of days. All in all I've loved being back. I really enjoy teaching and its been lovely to catch up with some good friends and meet my new classes. 

Chloe and Livia have adjusted better than I could have hoped. No tears on being left from either of them and both eating, drinking and sleeping well for my mother-in-law. I'm so happy after all the work I've put in getting then ready for this change. When I think where we were 2 months ago, with Livia not able to have formula, refusing bottles and crying when left with anyone, I feel so thankful to God for his amazing faithfulness throughout all of this.

On another note, I feel a little bit like I'm in a sitcom at work! I think having a baby has made me a bit loopy and clumsy which has led to some embarrassing situations! Yesterday I put the date on the board as 4/02/13, not noticing until a girl pointed out it was September, not February. This is Livia's due date so clearly have it on the brain! On the first day back I fell flat on my back after hurrying to my car. I was very glad the girls weren't back that day to see! 

The most awkward part of going back to work has been trying to express at work. I had wanted to avoid this but I'm not quite ready to give up the lunchtime feed just yet. I think I'll try and keep it up until Livia drops the 10 or 4 o clock feed. As you can imagine this has the potential to create lots of embarrassing situations! The school have been amazing and have given me a key to use the deputy head's old office (she left at the end of last year, rather acrimoniously!). They even moved a fridge in for me - up a flight of stairs! 

The funny part is that there have been muttering amongst the staff because the office's window was papered up (to give me privacy) and everyone thinks that the school are trying to remove all evidence of the old deputy head, ha! I don't really want the world to know what I'm doing so I try to sneak into the office without anyone seeing.

Yesterday when I went to express I couldn't get the pump to work and was getting really stressed and upset. Breast feeding mums will know the feeling when you need to feed/express NOW! Turns out i had the wires in the wrong holes so thankfully got it working. Although then I was so stressed that I couldn't get my milk to come properly (sorry if too much information!). I had the same problem last night when expressing too because I got all uptight about it again. So this is something I need to pray about, that I can relax enough to make it work. Expressing at work is definitely not the most relaxing situation. I keep thinking the girls/staff waking past the office will here the whirr of the pump and wonder what on earth is going on!

I'm feeling so happy today! So pleased that it has all worked out well and that God has provided for me so spectacularly :) Thank you to anyone who has prayed for us; I know there were a lot of you x

Tower

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. 

Proverbs 18:10

Today was my first afternoon back at work. It was an inset day and the same tomorrow, so no proper teaching until Wednesday. I really enjoyed going into work today, especially as there was no teaching so it was mainly about catching up with people and preparing for the coming term. I really enjoy the start of the school year, where there are so many great expectations (and nothing has yet gone wrong!).

However I am feeling a little wobbly about it all. I feel like I love my work but I also love being at home with my daughters and it is hard to do both. I still feel like 2 days a week suits us well and the long holidays help too. But I can't give my all to work because of the girls. I see some of my friends at work progressing up the career ladder and do feel a little jealous. And then I think of my girls getting upset without me around and my heart feels all sad I'm not with them.

In this circumstance I know I have I hold onto God's truth. I believe he gave me this job and has given me wonderful parents and parents-in-law who help me with childcare. I know they are great with the girls and God is watching over them too. I know God is blessing my career at my school and it isn't a sin to be proud of what I have achieved at work or to want to progress in my career. God has many opportunities for me there!

The verse at the top of the page keeps coming back to me at the moment. When I feel weak and wobbly at the thought of the next couple of days, I remember that God is a tower and I can hide myself in him. When the world/devil comes to attack me, I know it's not small, unstable me being buffeted; it's a huge and mighty tower which can withstand anything.

Thank you Lord for being my stronghold and being strong where I am weak. I could not do anything in life without you. Thank you for caring about all the trivial details in my life and walking with me in whatever I am doing.

Nightmares?

A quick post before bed.

Chloe has recently been waking in the night because of bad dreams. So far the dreams have been relatively tame; mostly to do with toys! At the church camp she had a dream that her Mike Wisowski (from the Monsters films) toy had 'blown up'. She even pointed to a jumper in the tent, believing it was her 'popped' toy! 

Then last night Chloe woke up sobbing saying that her new cars were lost. She kept looking around the room for them and crying and I had to get them out and show them to her before she believed me that they were safe.

I am a little concerned that Chloe is starting to have bad dreams. So far it has been quite funny because what has upset her is so trivial. But I am sure it is only a matter of time before her imagination becomes a more scary place. Because she spends so much time in an imaginary world, I wonder whether this will make her dreams worse?

Lord please protect my little girl as she sleeps and give her sweet dreams.

Church camp: community time and letting go

Here are some more reflections on our time away with our church at a Christian camp...

Community Time

This was my favourite aspect of the camp. I loved spending quality time with my church family. We had all our tents on the same site with a central marquee for sharing meals and congregating in during the day/evenings. It was great because there were always people about to chat to and the children all ran around together. Chloe made friends with one of the older boys who she probably wouldn't have played with at church but who she followed around constantly at the camp!

There was also the 5 aside football competition which we all went down to support. And the meetings in the evenings where the kids would join us for the worship and dance around together. Our church band was leading the worship for half of the meetings so it was great to support them as they played for over 3000 people!

A favourite time of day for me was the evenings. My friend had brought her baby monitor and our tent was right next to hers so we could go to the marquee and have some child-free socialising time knowing we would hear them if they needed us. We had fun drinking tea, eating cakes and playing poker! 

I would say camping together is such a good way of creating fellowship in a church. There was a real sense of 'togetherness' for everyone there and I think most people had an amazing time.

Letting Go

The difficult part for me is that camping with lots of other people means that you become very vulnerable in terms of them seeing every good and bad moment your family has. Tents are not soundproof so any angry or tearful word can be heard, every strop or early morning wake-up call. You also have to be much more flexible and relaxed about how you do things. Mealtimes were communal so we had to fit in with everyone else.

I am realising more and more how much of a perfectionist I can be and how much I like to control things. I am very driven by a schedule and like to do things my way. This doesn't make camping easy. I found it difficult to 'let go' and allow other people to watch my children (what if they misbehave? What if people think I'm not doing my job? What if the baby cries and they don't know what to do?). 

I feel this is a common theme in my blogs but it's something I know God is working on in me. It's the need to just love my children and allow them to be themselves without managing every little thing they do. Does anyone else struggle with this balance? I think I often fall into the trap of believing that good parenting is to produce well-behaved children, rather than to produce children who know they are loved and accepted just as they are. I think I'm slowly getting there. Camping was a good lesson in letting go!

A spacious place

We have just got back from the Christian camp we've been at for 5 days. I feel so blessed and challenged in many ways by our time away. There is lots I want to say and I am far too tired to write it all this evening so I will try and get it all down another time. For now I have a couple of verses to share, which have particularly spoken to me over the weekend.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. 

Psalm 73:25-26

Life can be really tiring. Being a mum of two young children leaves my flesh tired and also my heart. I feel like I spend so much energy and effort on them that here is nothing left for spending time with God, or the people God wants me to serve. 

But God is the strength I need! He is all that matters and is in all the things I do all day. 'He is my portion forever'; that truth will never change.

He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:19

One of the speakers over the weekend talked about how good teaching gives you a feeling of 'more space', like you can breathe more easily and feel released. He said this is because 'the truth will set you free' (John 8:32). 

I have recently been feeling quite 'closed in'. You know, where you have a lot on your mind and it feels like there is too much to deal with? Life has felt very claustrophobic and my thinking has been centred on my problems and our family, rather than on God and his plans.

But I have really related to the verse above. That God's truth needs to break in and bring freedom. He has victory over my life and that means setting me free from worry and fear and exhaustion. He has brought me into a 'broad place' where I can run and be myself and be free. 

Thank you Jesus for the freedom that only you can bring. Thank you for a great time away.

Off camping!

We are going camping tomorrow as part of a big church camp with over 3000 people. I'm really excited because lots of our friends are going and we will all be camping together. We are doing communal cooking to make it a little easier, in a big marquee with lots of chairs and tables. We have also bought a big, new tent and this'll be our first time using it. Eek it's exciting!

So I have been packing all day and running around buying things. I have also had to get everything ready for Chloe's birthday which happens to be on the Saturday whilst we're away. I'm looking forward to celebrating with everyone; although it  has meant I've had to make a lot of cakes! This is the first year she's been really excited about her birthday. She found the pile of presents I had wrapped and ran over to me and said 'thank you mummy!' I can't wait to watch her unwrap them all.

The other reason I'm really excited is for the time we'll get to spend worshipping God and listening to him. I am still feeling a little anxious about going back to work and I need some fresh encouragement from God. We are also currently making some big decisions about our future and this'll be a really good time for receiving guidance and clarity. Praying for lots of wisdom!

Let's hope the good weather! I am a little nervous about camping with two small children. But it's going to be such an adventure too. See you on the other side!

Cornish Holiday

We had a lovely, lovely holiday! Is it bad to admit it was so much more fun than I was expecting?! I think I have an image of British holidays as being very wet and being stuck with not much to do most of the time. Or braving the elements and sitting on cold beaches wrapped in towels. Thankfully the weather was fab; not the 30 degree temperatures we have had but a very respectable low 20's and sun most of the time.

I don't want to bore you with a lengthy account of everything we did. So here are some highlights, with the best things we found for children for people who may be taking youngsters to Cornwall.

- Hiring a holiday cottage. Ok so this might not be possible for everyone but staying in a cottage rather than camping was lovely for an English holiday. I love camping, as I have said previously, but with unpredictable weather it was great to have a house which was fully kitted out. This was also really helpful with Livia's weaning, as I am still expressing and needing to make up feeds etc. I have good memories of the evenings when the children were asleep; we watched a lot of films together! We also had no signal and no Wifi so absolutely no way of getting the Internet! I'm sure this led to a lot more conversation and interaction!

- Mawgan Porth Beach. When you talk to anyone about Cornwall, everyone seems to have their favourite beach. Ours was definitely Mawgan Porth, which we visited twice. It wasn't too busy, had a lovely river leading to the sea which Chloe could paddle in, lots of rock pools with fish to catch and amazing wave which J and I enjoyed being knocked over by! It also had coffee, pasty and toilet facilities very close and a reasonable car park. Everything you could want from a beach!

- Cycling the Camel Trail. This is a cycle route which runs from Padstow to Wadebridge and beyond (we didn't go much further). We put Livia in her car seat in a trailer and J puller her on his bike. Then my Dad had Chloe in a child seat on the back of his. The trailer was also useful for all our bags. We stopped to get pasties in Wadebridge for lunch and then cycled back to Padstow. There are some gorgeous views on the way. 

- Healy's Cider Farm. A friend of mine recommended this. It's a small farm which is free to visit. They have a couple of horses, pigs, goats and small animals for the children to see and pet. Then they have samples of jam and cider to taste, as well as ice creams and cream teas to buy. For a free trip, it was worth going to!

- Family time. It was so lovely to have time with J and the girls away from the responsibilities at home. The girls are becoming little daddy's girls (C - 'daddy can you sit next to me?'). It's so nice to see! It was also great to have time with my parents and to have some help with looking after the children. I feel very spoilt!

I'll leave you with some photos:

Long car journeys

This morning we are driving to Cornwall on holiday. That's roughly 4 hours in the car with two young children. Sigh. I love my girls so much but being stuck in a car for that long brings out the worst in everyone! Unfortunately Livia is slightly past the sleeping-whenever-in-the-car phase. Chloe is usually very good in the car but hasn't done a journey as long as this in a long time. She also

went down with a fever on Saturday and an emergency trip to the dr's diagnosed her with mild tonsillitis which has, understandably left her rather irritable. Fun fun.

We are currently 3 hours in and Chloe has been transferred to my parents car (so grateful they brought the spare car seat along with them!). We just had the drama of her telling them that she 'need the toilet!!'. We hastily pulled over and tried to get her to go at the side of the road before she admitted she didn't really need it. Ha!

Livia has been crying on and off in between sleeps. I feel sorry for her just gazing at the back seat but it's very hard to entertain a baby in the car! We had a stop at a lovely tea shop in Honiton so I could feed her and Chloe could stretch her legs. It was definitely good to have a break from the car.

I'm so excited about our holiday. I love that we are staying in a cottage. We usually camp, which I do enjoy, but it will be nice to have some home comforts. It will also be good to have some time with my parents; not to mention the help with the children! I am hopeful that we will have nice weather (pleeease). It's currently tipping it down but the forecast is sunny/cloudy for the rest of the week. 

Hooray for holidays, boo to long car journeys. Less than hour until we're there!

Weaning/Allergy diaries

As you probably know from previous posts, weaning Livia and getting her to a stage where she can be left when I return to work is a major part of my life at the moment. Add to this her dairy allergy and having to start her on 'hydrolysed' formula (which smells/tastes rather weird) and it feels like a mammoth task. But we are starting to get there and I wanted to update you in case there is anyone who is going through/will go through the same. I'm going to include a lot of detail for this reason!

In the last week Livia had a dietician appointment and paediatrician appointment. The best thing my health visitor did for us in this situation was to get the dietician appointment as a matter of urgency. I have realised since that if we'd waited until after the paediatrician appointment, we would have joined a long waiting list and it would have probably been too late. So getting a dietician appointment as soon as possible would be my big tip for anyone who suspects allergies with their baby!

Both appointments confirmed the dairy allergy, through looking at photos and listening to a description (another tip would be to take photos of reactions). Livia then had a blood test which we haven't had the results for yet. This will look at how allergic she is to dairy. I'm really interested to know the results; it's hard to know how allergic she is as me eating dairy and transferring it to her via breast milk  has never been a problem. However if Chloe kisses her after having cow's milk, she instantly comes up in a rash around her mouth.

We have been prescribed Aptamil Pepti which is a hydrolysed formula made with cow's milk but the protein has been broken down so it is less likely to cause an allergic reaction. Livia has taken to it well, despite the fact that it smells horrible and I have heard stories of mums having to mix it with Nesquik or maple syrup to get their babies to drink it! At the moment we are mixing it with breast milk or using it in her cereal to gradually introduce it.

So am I any closer to being able to leave Livia for the day? We have managed to get her to drop her 4pm breast feed by replacing it with a cup of formula and breast milk (50:50 ratio at the moment). I don't express at this time so effectively I have dropped this feed and won't need to pump at work. The breast milk I use in this feed is from expressing just before I go to bed (as Livia sleeps 7-7 this is a good time to pump).

Livia is also making slow and steady process with solid food too. She hasn't taken as easily to weaning as I hoped; it takes a lot of persuasion to get her to try anything! But she will get the idea after a while, although she prefers sucking or licking from the spoon instead of opening her mouth. I can see her really enjoying finger food and I'm looking forward to trying this a bit more with her now she is almost 6 months.

So that's where we're at for now. Hopefully I can get her to replace her 10am feed next and then it will just be the lunch feed to go. I'm hoping by the time I go to work she will be able to have mainly formula, as I reeeeeally don't want to pump at school. We'll see how it goes.

I'm including a photo below of the reaction Livia had to formula which first alerted us to her allergy. It came up within 5 mins of having the milk but only lasted about half an hour with no other symptoms.

Dreams for my family

Here are some dreams I have for my family. Perhaps they are not realistic or are a little but mushy! But I love to dream big things :)

- Sitting outside on warm summer evenings playing board games.

- Fun, lively meals where we all share stories from our days.

- Meaningful quiet times before bed where we discuss problems and pray together.

- Catching the girls sharing an intimate moment, sharing secrets and giggling.

- Talking with my grown-up girls who have come round for a cuppa.

A very English summery day

Today was a lovely day because it's the first day of two weeks which J has off work. I love it when our family is all together. On a selfish note, I have lots of help from J and some adult company. It's also really nice to see his relationship with the girls deepen. We have both noticed that if he has a busy week where he misses a few bedtimes, is working pretty hard and away from us at weekends, it has a noticeable effect on how Chloe acts around him. When J has good quality time with her, she will choose to play with him and not kick up a fuss if it's daddy doing things not mummy.

Today we chose to go to a small village in the Surrey Hills which has a river running through it which is shallow enough to paddle in. My mum used to take us when we were little and I have really fond memories of catching fish and swinging on a tyre swing into the water. 

The swing has now gone and the village council has put up a sign with a lot of rules about using the river. Part of it has been cordoned off as a preservation area which means the section that can be used is quite busy. But it is still a gorgeous spot with beautiful clear water, a pretty bridge and lots of shade to sit under.

Chloe had a lovely time in the water but also found some other older children who were happy to humour her in their games. She is so sociable that she just wandered up to them and asked if 'she could play too'. It really warms my heart to see her playing and giggling with other children. Another step towards becoming independent!

A wonderful day out.

'...think about these things.'

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

Do you have a time of day when negative thoughts creeps in? I find that the time when I get ready in the mornings is when I am likely to  dwell on thoughts and feelings which aren't very Godly. So for example I will worry about situations I am facing or will dwell on things that have happened in the week which have upset me. A specific example would be worrying about Livia's allergies and how I am going to wean her ready for my return to work. This is the time when I am by myself and my mind is free to wander.

I should explain that I'm by myself because I usually get ready once Livia has gone for an early morning sleep (about 8.30). Chloe is then allowed some tv time so I can get us prepared to go out (and I can shower!). 

Because this is a vulnerable time, I have found that if I choose to fill my mind with good things the day will start off much better. My usual tactic is to listen to sermons which I enjoy doing anyway and find really useful. I love reading but it's something I really value as a leisure activity so I find reading Christian books tough going. Listening to preaches by respected church leaders is much easier for me. The verse from Philippains at the top of the page is one my Mum used to remind me of when I was feeling upset or worried. Replace lies with God's truth!

I really recommend identifying times when you are likely to slip into negative thinking and come up with a plan of defence. 

A food shop...with both children!

Today I'm attempting something which I have managed to avoid at all costs since Livia was born: the food shop with both children. I don't understand how parents do this week in, week out. I find it hard enough to entertain one child during the shop, let alone two! 

In the early day I relied on doing my shop online and having it delivered. I think this is a genius invention, although I much prefer actually going to the shop and choosing things myself. 

Once Chloe was at preschool I started going to the shop with Livia, usually whilst she had a sleep in her car seat. But it is now the summer holidays and there is no preschool. I haven't been organised enough to order my shop online and I can't put it off because we have NO food in the house! 

So, wish me luck! I think it will be a case of bribery and running around the supermarket as quickly as possibly. I'll report back later!

*** Verdict ***

It was fine! Like most things, I had built it up in my mind to be much worse than it was. Yes I did use the big guns in my bribery arsenal: sweeties. Chloe seemed perfectly happy to help me scan items and choose things off shelves in return for a skittle every so often. Livia was excited to be in the baby seat on the trolley (she usually gets plonked in her car seat).

The only hiccup we had was that Livia was right next to Chloe's head and was very keen on pulling her hair and kicking her. Chloe took it very well though!

Hooray!

Sick Days cont.

Just to add to my last post...

Isn't it amazing how you can be thinking about something and God brings some encouragement that is directly linked to that problem/situation? My wonderful friend Pam gave me a weekly devotional book for the first year of Livia's life. It has lots of Bible studies that are relevant to a new mum's life and has been really useful.

Tonight's topic happened to be about 'rest'. The author showed how God rested on the 7th day and how Jesus withdrew from the crowds to rest. Rest should be prioritised and not a guilty pleasure! I think mums need to hear this more often.

Sick days

I'm feeling a little sorry myself because the last couple of days I've been quite poorly with a sore tummy (probable UTI). In the days B.C (before children), I know I would have been confined to my bed, probably watching tv on the laptop, sleeping or reading. There are sometimes perks to being made to rest aren't there?!

But being sick isn't the same anymore! J was working yesterday so I had to get up and look after the kiddies, which consisted of getting them dressed and fed then turning on CBeebies so I could lie on the sofa! It didn't last long. Thankfully my mum recognised a call for help in a text I sent her and we were able to go round my parents' so I could rest a bit more. But this still involved getting everything ready and the children in the car etc. 

Today I feel awful because J is preaching at church and had the added stress of a poorly wife this morning.I have stayed at home with Livia (breastfeeding babies = no rest!) and Chloe has gone to church with J. It's so difficult as a mum to switch off and try not to feel guilty. I really wanted to support my husband today (especially as it's our wedding anniversary) and one way would have been to have taken complete care of the children so he could gear up for speaking the word of God.

However I know my limits and I know that God has grace for me, just as my family does! I know that guilt is often so false and tricks us into thinking things that aren't true; ie - 'my children need me at my best all of the time' or 'people will resent being asked for help whilst I get better'. I am thanking God today for my amazingly strong, compassionate, brave and godly husband and for the 6 year we have been married. I am also thankful that God knows my needs as well as J's and my children's.

A mum's view on summer

Good things about summer...

Paddling pools

Days out

Drying washing outside

Beaches

BBQs

Parks

Playing in the garden

Sundresses

Bad things about summer...

Grumpy, hot children

Breastfeeding!

Sun cream / sun hats

Broken sleep!

Keeping everyone hydrated

Hot cars

On balance, LOVING summer. Just wish we had air con some of the time!

Adapting

I am sat here expressing some breast milk for Livia (so we can practise with a cup and so I can mix it with foods for weaning). It amazes me that she can be so allergic to cow's milk but I can produce something that is perfectly suited to her needs. 

I have had to adapt to Livia's allergies and get used to the idea of using breast milk where it would have been much easier to use formula. I think much of parenting is about adapting. Children are so unpredictable! I also think this is why parenting can seem so hard when we have rigid ideas about how family life should be. With babies, people often decide a 'philosophy' on how they will raise their child before they have even met them!

A friend of mine is currently in hospital with her baby who was born unexpectedly at 32 weeks. She is having to get to grips with parenting a lot sooner than expected and with the extra needs of a prem baby. 

I am thankful that in all these challenges which we don't expect, God goes before us and is in control. 

Thank you Lord for helping me to meet the challenges of parenting my children. Please help me to adapt in situations I wasn't expecting and be led by you.