Don't leave me.

I think we might have hit a bit of a wall this weekend. Chloe has trotted off to school for the last few weeks with very little fuss. She has started at the breakfast club a couple of morning a week and has been round a friend's house when I couldn't pick her up because of work commitments. She was tackling it all in her usual confident way until the end of last week.

On Friday I took Chloe to a ballet class which she has just begun (but went to a few taster classes last term and loved it). When it came to leaving her in the room, she clung to my leg and point blank refused to let me go. I had to stay in the room and Chloe wouldn't leave my side, dissolving into tears when she was encouraged into the circle of other girls. It was really unnerving for me, as I'm just not used to dealing with a 'clingy' child (not keen on that word, as it I feel it demeans how the child is feeling. But you know what I mean). 

I wondered if it was to do with the ballet lesson and whether something negative happened last week. However the same thing happened when we came to leave her at Children's Work at church. This was even more surprising, as we've been leaving her in crèche/children's work at church since she was only 6ish months old.

Again, at school this morning, Chloe dug her heels in and refused to budge when I encouraged her to go into the classroom.  She begged me 'not to leave' her and it was so sad to see the tears in her eyes. The teaching assistants helped but I think they have a tactic of not fussing too much and being quite matter-of-fact, which can feel a little unsympathetic. I watched her walk into the cloakroom and then forced myself to leave before I made it harder.

A few hours later I had a call from the school to say that Chloe had developed a temperature and was refusing to eat and saying she felt poorly. I quickly picked her up and she's had a duvet afternoon. 

There's no denying she is sick, as she is burning up and shivery. I am really hoping that the 'clingy-ness' was because of going down with something. It is very hard to leave your child somewhere when you know they just want you. I think the basic mother instinct is to want to protect and cuddle when your child is feeling vulnerable. Chloe has also made a few comments about worrying what other children think of her which breaks my heart a little. This change is hard! 

In not really knowing how to handle this new school-stage and all it's challenges, I am so pleased that I can trust my great big God to deal with it. He has Chloe safe when she is at school and will put good people around her. I am especially thankful for two lovely friends she has at school, especially the friend she visited last week. I treasure up these positive thoughts and remind myself of then when worry starts to creep in. 

Hopefully Chloe will be well enough to go back tomorrow.