Sick days

I'm feeling a little sorry myself because the last couple of days I've been quite poorly with a sore tummy (probable UTI). In the days B.C (before children), I know I would have been confined to my bed, probably watching tv on the laptop, sleeping or reading. There are sometimes perks to being made to rest aren't there?!

But being sick isn't the same anymore! J was working yesterday so I had to get up and look after the kiddies, which consisted of getting them dressed and fed then turning on CBeebies so I could lie on the sofa! It didn't last long. Thankfully my mum recognised a call for help in a text I sent her and we were able to go round my parents' so I could rest a bit more. But this still involved getting everything ready and the children in the car etc. 

Today I feel awful because J is preaching at church and had the added stress of a poorly wife this morning.I have stayed at home with Livia (breastfeeding babies = no rest!) and Chloe has gone to church with J. It's so difficult as a mum to switch off and try not to feel guilty. I really wanted to support my husband today (especially as it's our wedding anniversary) and one way would have been to have taken complete care of the children so he could gear up for speaking the word of God.

However I know my limits and I know that God has grace for me, just as my family does! I know that guilt is often so false and tricks us into thinking things that aren't true; ie - 'my children need me at my best all of the time' or 'people will resent being asked for help whilst I get better'. I am thanking God today for my amazingly strong, compassionate, brave and godly husband and for the 6 year we have been married. I am also thankful that God knows my needs as well as J's and my children's.

A mum's view on summer

Good things about summer...

Paddling pools

Days out

Drying washing outside

Beaches

BBQs

Parks

Playing in the garden

Sundresses

Bad things about summer...

Grumpy, hot children

Breastfeeding!

Sun cream / sun hats

Broken sleep!

Keeping everyone hydrated

Hot cars

On balance, LOVING summer. Just wish we had air con some of the time!

Adapting

I am sat here expressing some breast milk for Livia (so we can practise with a cup and so I can mix it with foods for weaning). It amazes me that she can be so allergic to cow's milk but I can produce something that is perfectly suited to her needs. 

I have had to adapt to Livia's allergies and get used to the idea of using breast milk where it would have been much easier to use formula. I think much of parenting is about adapting. Children are so unpredictable! I also think this is why parenting can seem so hard when we have rigid ideas about how family life should be. With babies, people often decide a 'philosophy' on how they will raise their child before they have even met them!

A friend of mine is currently in hospital with her baby who was born unexpectedly at 32 weeks. She is having to get to grips with parenting a lot sooner than expected and with the extra needs of a prem baby. 

I am thankful that in all these challenges which we don't expect, God goes before us and is in control. 

Thank you Lord for helping me to meet the challenges of parenting my children. Please help me to adapt in situations I wasn't expecting and be led by you.

Exhausted!

I don't think there can be anything as tiring as taking young children to a theme park. The queues, the walking between rides, the sun, the people EVERYWHERE. The baby and preschooler wanting to be carried. So exhausted!

We went to Legoland today and had a fab time. It's a great place to go with young children. Chloe was in heaven! Water and rides and Lego!! If you are planning on going I would recommend taking swimming costumes for the Duplo Splash Zone. I'd also head to the submarine ride or the boat sailing ride first as the queues got very long. Oh and bring £3 for the car park (when did theme parks start charging for parking?!!).

Lovely day. I'm off to bed :)

Dreams

My big dream, my biggest ambition, is to write a novel. Getting it published would be amazing too but I love the process of writing and just accomplishing a finished story I was proud of would be worth it. I have wanted to write since I was very small. When I was younger it was the easiest thing in the world to sit and write and write. In fact, I wrote a full length novel when I was about 13. 

Every so often I get 'the bug' again and begin writing. But most ideas fizzle out quickly. I am currently writing again but it is slow progress! I find I am not good at disciplining myself to write when I don't feel particularly inspired. I know if I am to be successful in achieving my dream then I need to keep at it, a little bit every day. 

I think the difference between the 13 year old me and the grown-up me is that I am too much of a perfectionist now. I want my novel to be perfect; factually correct, gripping and with perfect grammar! I need to throw all my standards away and just write.

I love this quote by Ernest Hemingway:

'There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.'

I know that God has put this desire in my heart and if it is his will then I will achieve it. I need to sit down at my typewriter (laptop) and spill out my thoughts. 

Sensitive girl

I am really having to rely on God in my plans to go back to work at the moment. I believe that God gave me my teaching job; it was perfect, fitted in well with family life and I got an interview in a completely unexpected way! It has worked so well for us up until now. I decided to go back in September, partly for convenience for me starting at the beginning of the school year, but also to bless my employer and help out my head of department who would have really struggled to find cover for half a term or a full term.

I think my plans would have been fine but children are always full of surprises! Livia is proving difficult to wean onto a bottle; mummy is much nicer apparently! But she also had a reaction to formula last week which means we need to keep her on breast milk only until we've seen a paediatrician. I am going to persevere in giving her bottles but will need to express to practise with her which is a lot of work!

Livia also seems to be a lot more sensitive than Chloe ever was in situations isn't familiar with. If she is with a lot people she doesn't recognise and I'm not there or if I put her down somewhere she doesn't like (eg those fold down changing tables in disabled loos!) she can sometimes 'freak out'! She will scream for dear life and it's a horrible scared cry which is totally different to a hungry or tired cry. It is very difficult to calm her down and is upsetting for everyone!

I am trying very hard not to be anxious about leaving her in September. It will only be two days a week, she will be with her nanny and sister and every other week J will have the girls one day. I have to keep reminding myself of the truths in this situation and not give in to the lies the devil plants in my head (eg - you are abandoning her). I know that if I am meant to stay in my job then God will be with my girls too. He knows exactly what they need, better than I do. 

Please God give me wisdom in the next few months during weaning and please prepare all of us for the changes in Septemeber. We trust you Heavenly Father.

New adventures

On Sunday J was 'prayed in' as an elder (leader/pastor) at our church. I wanted to quickly jot down my feelings about it as we start this new adventure!

It really feels like we are in this as a family. That we are all committing ourselves to the church and loving and serving the congregation. It is a little daunting. From a selfish point of view I feel like life is complicated and hectic enough with just our family! But I love my husband's passion for the local church and his love of people. I am very proud of his leadership qualities and know God has been preparing him for this. In the same way I know God has prepare me to support him in this role too.

Exciting times!