At the moment I am feeling a brand new passion for parenting and in particular being a sacrificial mum. So very appropriate for this blog! I have been reading about the Scholes family in their blog (see last post) and also another family they mention on their blog who are going through/gone through a child having a terminal illness. It doesn't make for happy reading and I have had to stop myself today because I was getting quite distraught going through these blogs. They are truly amazing because they offer such a godly perspective on illness and death and their enduring faith is very inspiring. But then there are moments when they describe all the little things their child does that they will miss or the happier memories they had together and they just break my heart.
(Side note - on the Parenting Course this week, as a starter, we had to say one good thing about our characters. It's such a hard thing to praise yourself and especially when you are only given a minute to think about it! From nowhere I came up with 'compassionate' and that when people are in pain I really feel it. I hadn't considered this much before but I do think this is true; especially when reading blogs like the ones I have been describing. J was worried something was seriously wrong when he came back from mowing the lawn and found me sobbing on our bed. It all seems so much more poignant having a daughter and thinking about the things that I would most miss if she were to die. I pray that God will help me to use this compassion for good, rather than simply getting myself into a state!)
Anyway... these blogs have SO inspired me about the amazingness (not a real word) of parenthood and how it is such a wonderful sacrifice. You give a huge part of yourself to your child, investing emotions, time, energy, hopes, dreams etc. I love my little girl so intensely and I feel privileged to care for her. If there is anyone out there reading this who is in any doubt about how worthwhile having children is, then please let me tell you that it has brought J and myself so much joy and satisfaction. I can't think of anything which has been more rewarding. I want to put this on my blog because I think it is really important to say these things and to proclaim an enjoyment and a fulfilment through parenthood, which the world hardly ever portrays. It is also something which I think is very hard to portray in church because of fears of hurting those who desperately want children but can't have them (biologically or through circumstance). Parenthood is wonderful and I feel so blessed to be on this amazing adventure.
It has also made me change my mind in the last few days about having only 2 children. I thought I only wanted 2 because that number seemed nice and manageable, especially financially. There was a photo on the Scholes' blog which has really challenged this for me and it was of the 5 children wearing different coloured hoodies but all with the same slogan - 'Team Scholes'. I love this! I can imagine that having a large family must feel like being part of a team. It may be chaos but it's fun chaos! I guess we should have one more and then see how we feel! Watch this space!
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