Teacher / Parent?

I went to the Parenting Course I've been doing today and had a bit of a revelation! The topic was 'Talking' and how we speak to our children. It's not something I have thought much about really but it really struck me during the session so thought I would share.

The course leaders made the point that we often talk to our children in a very disrespectful way; in a way we would never use with anyone else. E.g. - 'Eat up quickly', 'don't put your coat there', 'come here now'. We then explored better ways of saying things; for example using 'I - messages', which means we say things like 'I feel upset because I don't like it when you hit Mummy'. This helps children to understand why you are giving commands and also shows them you are a real person who has feelings! I found some of the 'I-messages' a little contrived and not very realistic but I did like the general gist of speaking more respectfully to Chloe.

The main revelation I had was that I tend to go into 'teacher - mode' around Chloe. This means that I often order her around and speak to her sternly, trying to 'show her who's boss'. Now I'm writing this I'm cringing, as it makes me sound horrible! The good side of my experience teaching is that I am also very quick to encourage and tell Chloe when she's doing something well. With the ordering around - I think my teaching experience has made me think that I have to be very firm with laying down my expectations so that I don't get walked all over. For some reason I thought this would be the same with my children but it really isn't! I need to be emotionally available to Chloe and be able to share with her and explain things from my point of view, so that she feels the same with me. I can be vulnerable with her!

So my goal for this week is to have more time talking with Chloe and sharing how I feel with her. This hopefully will then gradually affect her actions, as she sees what effects they have.